How do you know that your perceptions of life are real? How do you know that this life is 'real' and not a dream created by something or someone else?
It's easy to get lost in your own little world, a microcosm of sorts, but then you suddenly realise that the people around you, near or far, have a life that is as vivid and as complex as your own. Yet it's easy to consume yourself wondering about how others perceive life. Do they see life the same as you? How valid is one's life?
Many a time, the thought has been based around the notion of being the only person alive, and each day is simply but a scenario projected by your subconcious. Perhaps there maybe a reason for the subtle yet persistent feeling of being out of place - the feeling of not fitting in with the world around you. It's such a strange feeling to be aware of. Imagine that every day when your brain is close to switching off, it gives you one last question to ponder - why are you here? Why can you only feel your motion of time? It makes you want to know more about your life beforehand - if there ever was one of course. What makes the realisation of your life more important than anyone else?
It's amazing in the sense that these questions can never be fully answered, that we are simply just dreaming and when your dream ends, so does your life. This one thought creates more questions than it was intended to, so this post will finish on one final thought:
Is that all there is - a notion of your own existance that can never be fulfilled with a blankness to follow?
Otherwordly
Showing posts with label real life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label real life. Show all posts
Thursday, 12 November 2015
Wednesday, 4 November 2015
The Killer Dream
The last post I had written was also on the topic of dreams, but this one takes a different direction altogether.
Dreams. What are they? Are dreams our subconscious unloading the day's events in a weird visual representation? Are they a mixture of memories and wishes combined into a nonsensical way to help pass time while you sleep? No-one really knows the truth about dreams, only you. It is only you that lives to recall the dream as they are but a product of your imagination. Yet if that statement is true as such, then why do you have nightmares? Why would you wish to wake up with a sense of fear? Can you not control what images you view each night? Dreams are indeed peculiar.
Instead of feeling refreshed from a good night's sleep, you spend your waking moments trying to decode the happenings of your sleep. Though the question begs to be asked; what happens when your dreams are simply but a result from stress? Stress can do strange things to your body and it can dangerously affect your mental state. Sleep finds it hard to escape from. Instead, it unleashes a hellish variety of sleep disorders ranging from insomnia to sleep apnoea, RLS to narcolepsy. It is mixed into these disorders a strange act can be found - sleep paralysis. Have you ever woken suddenly, filled with dread and fear? Have you noticed something or someone in your room but you can't move from your spot in bed? Have you tried to scream? Did you notice that trying to blink proved futile. Quite literally you are paralysed. Science suggests that your brain has 'woken up' before REM (rapid eye movement - the time in which you dream) has finished and that the signal to your body to release itself from the 'switched off' mode has been delayed. Due to this delay, you can experience hallucinations, fear and even the feeling of death. Yet a simple solution to unparalyse yourself its to convince your body its still dreaming and within a few seconds, body movement can be restored. It is said that each person will experience this at least once in their lifetime. But what happens when your dream is a lot more sinister than waking up before REM?
Imagine the feeling of someone that is trying to kill you in your sleep. You will simply 'wake up' and everything would be fine. But what if that doesn't happen? As much as you try to jerk yourself awake, the dream deepens. A ghostly figure, or even a face you recognise, seems to take pleasure in your struggle. They wrap their hands around your neck, apply a force to your chest that restricts your breathing. You can feel your ribs aching under the pressure. You know it's a dream but everything you have been taught to do, doesn't work. You try to move more, screaming till you are at the point of tears, but no sound comes out. It's too late to calm down now and work out a logical way to escape the nightmare. You have passed the point of no return. What feels like hours, is simply minutes or even seconds, you finally break free from the gripping hold. However, the terror does not end there. You finally awaken to soaked bed sheets from your on sweat and tears. Your hands are still grasped tightly into your duvet. You are still paralysed with fear. Every noise in your room triggers more panic. You are afraid to stay awake, yet you dare not to close your eyes in case the evilness returns. You know it will. It always does. Instead you lay perfectly still, as though you were dead, waiting for the dread to pass. You wait until the moment you feel safe to sleep again, though that wait may take up to an hour or two. Finally, you take the risk and fall into a restless sleep. The memory of that dream never fades. You will remember that dream ten years from now. On thing for sure, your next attack won't come as a shock. It's still an horrible experience though, but your body knows how to respond.
If you're like me, then you do expect more to come. It becomes a natural event, a simple reoccurring dream, like the rest. What you don't expect though, is to have two episodes in one night. You manage to break from from one but are then pulled straight into the next. Reality becomes distorted. You become afraid that you will never free the cycle. Your chest feels like it's being crushed. You can feel your tears run down your cheeks, yet its impossible to wipe them away. You are being held captive by your own body and mind. You wonder if you are going to survive the night. Reality slips away even further when another figure joins in on your torture. Just when you feel like giving up, a last final jolt brings you back to life. Did you just die? It sure felt like it. There would be no point in sleeping now as another dream would surely kill you. That's a definite.
This is all but a vicious cycle; being frightened of sleeping, the tired you become, which then produces these terrors. The lack of sleep and the stress of life may prove too much.
Dreams. What are they? Are dreams our subconscious unloading the day's events in a weird visual representation? Are they a mixture of memories and wishes combined into a nonsensical way to help pass time while you sleep? No-one really knows the truth about dreams, only you. It is only you that lives to recall the dream as they are but a product of your imagination. Yet if that statement is true as such, then why do you have nightmares? Why would you wish to wake up with a sense of fear? Can you not control what images you view each night? Dreams are indeed peculiar.
Instead of feeling refreshed from a good night's sleep, you spend your waking moments trying to decode the happenings of your sleep. Though the question begs to be asked; what happens when your dreams are simply but a result from stress? Stress can do strange things to your body and it can dangerously affect your mental state. Sleep finds it hard to escape from. Instead, it unleashes a hellish variety of sleep disorders ranging from insomnia to sleep apnoea, RLS to narcolepsy. It is mixed into these disorders a strange act can be found - sleep paralysis. Have you ever woken suddenly, filled with dread and fear? Have you noticed something or someone in your room but you can't move from your spot in bed? Have you tried to scream? Did you notice that trying to blink proved futile. Quite literally you are paralysed. Science suggests that your brain has 'woken up' before REM (rapid eye movement - the time in which you dream) has finished and that the signal to your body to release itself from the 'switched off' mode has been delayed. Due to this delay, you can experience hallucinations, fear and even the feeling of death. Yet a simple solution to unparalyse yourself its to convince your body its still dreaming and within a few seconds, body movement can be restored. It is said that each person will experience this at least once in their lifetime. But what happens when your dream is a lot more sinister than waking up before REM?
Imagine the feeling of someone that is trying to kill you in your sleep. You will simply 'wake up' and everything would be fine. But what if that doesn't happen? As much as you try to jerk yourself awake, the dream deepens. A ghostly figure, or even a face you recognise, seems to take pleasure in your struggle. They wrap their hands around your neck, apply a force to your chest that restricts your breathing. You can feel your ribs aching under the pressure. You know it's a dream but everything you have been taught to do, doesn't work. You try to move more, screaming till you are at the point of tears, but no sound comes out. It's too late to calm down now and work out a logical way to escape the nightmare. You have passed the point of no return. What feels like hours, is simply minutes or even seconds, you finally break free from the gripping hold. However, the terror does not end there. You finally awaken to soaked bed sheets from your on sweat and tears. Your hands are still grasped tightly into your duvet. You are still paralysed with fear. Every noise in your room triggers more panic. You are afraid to stay awake, yet you dare not to close your eyes in case the evilness returns. You know it will. It always does. Instead you lay perfectly still, as though you were dead, waiting for the dread to pass. You wait until the moment you feel safe to sleep again, though that wait may take up to an hour or two. Finally, you take the risk and fall into a restless sleep. The memory of that dream never fades. You will remember that dream ten years from now. On thing for sure, your next attack won't come as a shock. It's still an horrible experience though, but your body knows how to respond.
If you're like me, then you do expect more to come. It becomes a natural event, a simple reoccurring dream, like the rest. What you don't expect though, is to have two episodes in one night. You manage to break from from one but are then pulled straight into the next. Reality becomes distorted. You become afraid that you will never free the cycle. Your chest feels like it's being crushed. You can feel your tears run down your cheeks, yet its impossible to wipe them away. You are being held captive by your own body and mind. You wonder if you are going to survive the night. Reality slips away even further when another figure joins in on your torture. Just when you feel like giving up, a last final jolt brings you back to life. Did you just die? It sure felt like it. There would be no point in sleeping now as another dream would surely kill you. That's a definite.
This is all but a vicious cycle; being frightened of sleeping, the tired you become, which then produces these terrors. The lack of sleep and the stress of life may prove too much.
Thursday, 6 August 2015
What's In a Dream?
"Not all dreaming is the same. Dreaming runs the gamut of human
experience (and sometimes beyond), incorporating a dizzying range of
emotions and events, often with elements of the bizarre."
-Michael J. Breus, PhD
Understanding a dream is difficult - was it a dream, or was it your mind telling you to be aware of something? Was it an accumulation of the day (or week's) events built up in and released at that particular moment in time? Dreams often don't tell of anything, just the release of those pent up emotions.
The reason for this post is, one dream has been particularly upsetting. I do not feel the need to describe my actual dream, but perhaps find out why I am dreaming of it. For two weeks, give or take a few days, I dream of a particular event that always ends up with a bad outcome. I'm left alone, everyone else with their loves, their friends, their family. Now normally that wouldn't bother me as I am naturally a person who prefers the solitude, her own company, however this dream felt too real, almost like I was no longer part of the Earth. It was so real, I almost thought it was to be true; that I would soon departing my life.
It wasn't until I decided to distance myself from the people I talk to the most, that I realised what the dream meant to me. It wasn't that I was coming to the end of my time, it was more of the opposite - closing the door on my old life. Looking at the people around me, I could see that they were a mixture of old friends and new friends, past and maybe future loved, my fears and hopes all balled into a reoccurring dream. It was a dream to help me decide what I wanted in my future, almost a warning. Did I really want to sabotage my own happiness? Did I want to stress over events that were most unlikely to happen? If I continued down the path I was currently on I would.
So what if I'm scared of failing at work? It wouldn't be the worst thing that would have happened. So what if the next flight I go on ends up being a disaster? I can't let the fear of the unknown stopping me from living my life. My dream was simply happening to tell me to let go, stop over-analyzing things. Let things fall where they may and cross that bridge when I get to it. Yes, life is full of cliches and mottoes to help you through your life, but only you can control what you want to get out of it .
Dreams are simply but that, dreams.
-Michael J. Breus, PhD
Understanding a dream is difficult - was it a dream, or was it your mind telling you to be aware of something? Was it an accumulation of the day (or week's) events built up in and released at that particular moment in time? Dreams often don't tell of anything, just the release of those pent up emotions.
The reason for this post is, one dream has been particularly upsetting. I do not feel the need to describe my actual dream, but perhaps find out why I am dreaming of it. For two weeks, give or take a few days, I dream of a particular event that always ends up with a bad outcome. I'm left alone, everyone else with their loves, their friends, their family. Now normally that wouldn't bother me as I am naturally a person who prefers the solitude, her own company, however this dream felt too real, almost like I was no longer part of the Earth. It was so real, I almost thought it was to be true; that I would soon departing my life.
It wasn't until I decided to distance myself from the people I talk to the most, that I realised what the dream meant to me. It wasn't that I was coming to the end of my time, it was more of the opposite - closing the door on my old life. Looking at the people around me, I could see that they were a mixture of old friends and new friends, past and maybe future loved, my fears and hopes all balled into a reoccurring dream. It was a dream to help me decide what I wanted in my future, almost a warning. Did I really want to sabotage my own happiness? Did I want to stress over events that were most unlikely to happen? If I continued down the path I was currently on I would.
So what if I'm scared of failing at work? It wouldn't be the worst thing that would have happened. So what if the next flight I go on ends up being a disaster? I can't let the fear of the unknown stopping me from living my life. My dream was simply happening to tell me to let go, stop over-analyzing things. Let things fall where they may and cross that bridge when I get to it. Yes, life is full of cliches and mottoes to help you through your life, but only you can control what you want to get out of it .
Dreams are simply but that, dreams.
Monday, 9 February 2015
Almost Comfortably Numb
Not sure that the title of this post actually matches my current mood. I'm probably just numb. Today probably has been added to one of the worst days in my life. Normally I get the sense of how bad a day is going to be soon as I wake up; I normally sleep in or fall out of the bed (quite literally), but today started of like any other.
I don't particularly want to revisit my memories of today as I am simply happy enough that it is over. Yet I need to somehow justify my feelings, or lack of. After today's events, the Middle East has finally won and has tipped me over the edge. Who knows if normality will return? Maybe it won't.
Everything and everyone here is crazy, and that is putting it lightly. Sure you do get some wonderful people, but for the most part, life here sucks. I know that tomorrow will be a different story, so I have to live it out till then. As I always say; let's see what happens.
I don't particularly want to revisit my memories of today as I am simply happy enough that it is over. Yet I need to somehow justify my feelings, or lack of. After today's events, the Middle East has finally won and has tipped me over the edge. Who knows if normality will return? Maybe it won't.
Everything and everyone here is crazy, and that is putting it lightly. Sure you do get some wonderful people, but for the most part, life here sucks. I know that tomorrow will be a different story, so I have to live it out till then. As I always say; let's see what happens.
Saturday, 15 November 2014
Life after Books
”
but there is this unwritten contract between author and reader and I think not ending your book kind of violates that contract.”
John Green, The Fault in Our Stars
I recently read a book by John Green Fault in Our Stars and it was definitely an interesting read. Now I am not going to write a review on this story because I have my opinion and that is mine only. However, it made some interesting points about characters and endings of stories, and it made me question my own thoughts.
When a story is placed upon paper, characters and situations are born. They may not be real in existence, but they are real on the page. They are given a background, a life, a history, upon which they evolve into deeper beings. Simply immortalized in words. They are brought to life through their personalities. We learn their likes, dislikes, their ability to bond with other characters. No being is created from thin air. Even those that maybe only mentioned once or twice, they still play a part. It is this creation that poses a problem. As a reader you form your own opinion of each character, you seem to bond with them, learn to love or hate them. Yet when the problem of the story has been solved and the book comes to a close, you face a problem. Does that story really end there? What happens afterwards? Is the light turned off for good? Are these characters thrown in to a disposal bin of endings?
It was this thought that puzzled me the most. Do we really need to know what happens after that last page has ended, after that last period? If a story ends in a happen ending, is it really necessary to think about them more? The answer is no. They are simply words on a page that have been written for our enjoyment only. They are not biographies of life. They are not real people. It is not realistic to end all stories with a happy ending, the characters living a perfect life with everything resolved and dying peacefully in their sleep. That itself would pose more questions than answers.
So what if a story ends in the middle, not completing the story. Take Hazel for example, the reader learns everything, if not more, that we need to know as if she was a real being beside us. Yet as the story progresses, so does our attachment to the character. This is our downfall. When the story dramatically ends, with no explanation, we are left with disappointment. What happened next? Did she live happily? Was she cured? The only person who knows is the character herself. Even her creator doesn't know. It is in this ending that we are able to write our own endings. Each one unique as the person next to us. Yes we may still be left with that question , what happened, burning our curiosity bit by bit, but stories life this imitate life perfectly. Just as 'stories end in the middle of a sentence' with no reason, our life can end at any second, without reason and those around will be left asking questions.
It is simply our nature to question everything and not to take it at face value. It is what it is. This is why I think John Green has hit the proverbial nail on the head. I would leave this post in the middle of a sentence, but I do not have the will power to do so.
So I will leave it with this conclusion. Forming your own answers in your mind is more appropriate than reading a solid ending in a story. You can create your own world for these characters, and no one will question it.
John Green, The Fault in Our Stars
I recently read a book by John Green Fault in Our Stars and it was definitely an interesting read. Now I am not going to write a review on this story because I have my opinion and that is mine only. However, it made some interesting points about characters and endings of stories, and it made me question my own thoughts.
When a story is placed upon paper, characters and situations are born. They may not be real in existence, but they are real on the page. They are given a background, a life, a history, upon which they evolve into deeper beings. Simply immortalized in words. They are brought to life through their personalities. We learn their likes, dislikes, their ability to bond with other characters. No being is created from thin air. Even those that maybe only mentioned once or twice, they still play a part. It is this creation that poses a problem. As a reader you form your own opinion of each character, you seem to bond with them, learn to love or hate them. Yet when the problem of the story has been solved and the book comes to a close, you face a problem. Does that story really end there? What happens afterwards? Is the light turned off for good? Are these characters thrown in to a disposal bin of endings?
It was this thought that puzzled me the most. Do we really need to know what happens after that last page has ended, after that last period? If a story ends in a happen ending, is it really necessary to think about them more? The answer is no. They are simply words on a page that have been written for our enjoyment only. They are not biographies of life. They are not real people. It is not realistic to end all stories with a happy ending, the characters living a perfect life with everything resolved and dying peacefully in their sleep. That itself would pose more questions than answers.
So what if a story ends in the middle, not completing the story. Take Hazel for example, the reader learns everything, if not more, that we need to know as if she was a real being beside us. Yet as the story progresses, so does our attachment to the character. This is our downfall. When the story dramatically ends, with no explanation, we are left with disappointment. What happened next? Did she live happily? Was she cured? The only person who knows is the character herself. Even her creator doesn't know. It is in this ending that we are able to write our own endings. Each one unique as the person next to us. Yes we may still be left with that question , what happened, burning our curiosity bit by bit, but stories life this imitate life perfectly. Just as 'stories end in the middle of a sentence' with no reason, our life can end at any second, without reason and those around will be left asking questions.
It is simply our nature to question everything and not to take it at face value. It is what it is. This is why I think John Green has hit the proverbial nail on the head. I would leave this post in the middle of a sentence, but I do not have the will power to do so.
So I will leave it with this conclusion. Forming your own answers in your mind is more appropriate than reading a solid ending in a story. You can create your own world for these characters, and no one will question it.
Friday, 11 April 2014
Broken Hearts and Torn Up Letters
False face must hide what the false heart doth know
Take this game for example. Two people caught up in a game of Lust. Actually make that four people, more dramatic ending. It's the classic 'I want what I can't have but I will try and take it anyway' scenario. One person caught in a trap with several entanglements Does she choose the spark between a lover known for a day, the chemistry with a dangerous attraction, or does she choose the connection between a 'more than' friend?
Lets break it down even further. The first: The Lover. An instant spark between two people set in a scene fuelled by alcohol. Surprisingly the lovers met during a moment of sobriety but as more liquid was consumed, the hormones began to take over resulting in drunken promises of faithfulness, protection with the inclusion of number-swapping. The outcome will most likely result in akwardness and perhaps the blocking of the whole night were the two people will never meet again. Or it could swing the other way and something beautiful will become of the meeting. However this causes friction amongst others included and changes the game completely.
This takes us to the second part: The attraction. Two people once caught in the trap of attraction mixed with passion and intellect. A dangerous combination with consequences that have affected the whole game and its' players. Two people who had to draw a line in their meeting to keep one player from a broken heart. Yet the attraction has now become all one-sided. A mark has been left in one's head and is saddened when the other player is in charge of his own game with many other contestants, maybe one or two in a night. The loser then watches from the sidelines constantly comparing the winner to other participants in her court. She will be wondering when can she break free from the spell to play her endeavours free from jealousy and longing.
The two situations bring on the final part, the result. The decision: The Connection. As the act between The Lover and The Attraction unfolds, the understudy is waiting behind the curtains, watching every move she makes and every line she speaks. He patiently waits for his turn in the game but it never comes. She has placed him in a compartment in her heart safely locked away. Two people caught in a never-ending circle of hidden emotions which threaten to explode. The Attraction fades away in to the night one more time and The Lover takes centre-stage. This is the moment in which the players will know the outcome. No more rule-changing. No more manipulation. Brutality is amongst them. The Connection admits defeat and walks away leaving the lovers to their finale. They win the game and each other.
However, like all games, there is a final twist: The Heartbreak. As The Connection player walks away, he is forced back in to the game when she realises the consequences of dallying in such a sport. The Connection no longer wants to be a part, and two hearts break at once. The Lover is forgotten immediately, The Attraction is no longer holding a spell over her but it's too late. She has lost. No more drawings, no more communication with words and technology, no more smiles. She realises it's her fault. It was her all along. No one was playing games but her. She was manipulating situations to suit her, not noticing the effects it would have on the participants. A moment too late and the game is over.
- William Shakespeare
False face must hide what the false heart doth know.
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/w/william_shakespeare_2.html#mfFEewiobEAOeiXX.9
Games. As much as we had to admit it, we are all involved in a game. Whether you're the one making the rules, or the one following them, you are in a game. Just like any ordinary game there is a winner and a loser. Sometimes, the rules can change and the people playing both lose. The outcome of the game can depend on strength will-power and logic. If you become to emotional the results can be disastrous. Once you start playing, each move you make becomes dangerous and risky. There is no way out.Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/w/william_shakespeare_2.html#mfFEewiobEAOeiXX.9
Take this game for example. Two people caught up in a game of Lust. Actually make that four people, more dramatic ending. It's the classic 'I want what I can't have but I will try and take it anyway' scenario. One person caught in a trap with several entanglements Does she choose the spark between a lover known for a day, the chemistry with a dangerous attraction, or does she choose the connection between a 'more than' friend?
Lets break it down even further. The first: The Lover. An instant spark between two people set in a scene fuelled by alcohol. Surprisingly the lovers met during a moment of sobriety but as more liquid was consumed, the hormones began to take over resulting in drunken promises of faithfulness, protection with the inclusion of number-swapping. The outcome will most likely result in akwardness and perhaps the blocking of the whole night were the two people will never meet again. Or it could swing the other way and something beautiful will become of the meeting. However this causes friction amongst others included and changes the game completely.
This takes us to the second part: The attraction. Two people once caught in the trap of attraction mixed with passion and intellect. A dangerous combination with consequences that have affected the whole game and its' players. Two people who had to draw a line in their meeting to keep one player from a broken heart. Yet the attraction has now become all one-sided. A mark has been left in one's head and is saddened when the other player is in charge of his own game with many other contestants, maybe one or two in a night. The loser then watches from the sidelines constantly comparing the winner to other participants in her court. She will be wondering when can she break free from the spell to play her endeavours free from jealousy and longing.
The two situations bring on the final part, the result. The decision: The Connection. As the act between The Lover and The Attraction unfolds, the understudy is waiting behind the curtains, watching every move she makes and every line she speaks. He patiently waits for his turn in the game but it never comes. She has placed him in a compartment in her heart safely locked away. Two people caught in a never-ending circle of hidden emotions which threaten to explode. The Attraction fades away in to the night one more time and The Lover takes centre-stage. This is the moment in which the players will know the outcome. No more rule-changing. No more manipulation. Brutality is amongst them. The Connection admits defeat and walks away leaving the lovers to their finale. They win the game and each other.
However, like all games, there is a final twist: The Heartbreak. As The Connection player walks away, he is forced back in to the game when she realises the consequences of dallying in such a sport. The Connection no longer wants to be a part, and two hearts break at once. The Lover is forgotten immediately, The Attraction is no longer holding a spell over her but it's too late. She has lost. No more drawings, no more communication with words and technology, no more smiles. She realises it's her fault. It was her all along. No one was playing games but her. She was manipulating situations to suit her, not noticing the effects it would have on the participants. A moment too late and the game is over.
Tuesday, 15 October 2013
Nossa, nossa. Assim você me mata (PG rated version)
Ai, se eu te pego
Ai, ai, se eu te pego
Sitting in the bar, writing these words, I feel like I am almost home. Loud words pounding in my ears, the bass vibrating through my body. Peace. After the day I have endured, the noise and familiarity was welcomed. Today made me look at the cracks in my life and fill them with something new (and not poly-filler as my dad would say to me). New friends, a new career, a new home in the UAE. Well maybe after I get used to the fact that my parents are not here to hold my hand and guide me through life.
At this moment in time a band is playing, well playing mainstream music that I dislike (actually when I have had a few drinks I find myself singing along to anything). However my music opinion aside, the sound that they produce is rather great. In fact they may have introduced me to a song I had never heard of before; the title of this post actually.
With a Bacardi Breezer in one hand and my pen in the other, I am set for the night. To do this sort of writing, the freeing of my emotions and the letting go of what is inside of me, I have left two of my friends outside to drink their vodka. Is it socially acceptable to be all emo and write in a bar when I could do this at home where it is comfortable and warm. To be honest with you all, I am actually quite introvert. The best moments of my life have been when I succumb to the isolation of my own company. I would apologise for the rambling but currently the guitar riffs I hear are trying to help my body lose control, and I need to be careful before I start writing some x-rated story. Yeah that has happened before, but for now lets focus on the band.
Right now it appears to be someone's birthday and the band is getting the whole crowd involved. Scenes like this warm the heart. The song choices are amazing (yes I know I said they were mainstream) and they have also chosen songs that make you stop and think "oh wow. I haven't heard that song in a while". Then all of a sudden your body develops a mind of its own; first the tapping of the foot, then the rhythmic leg bounce and before you know it, your body is upon the dance-floor moving with a spirit so free that it is contagious to everyone around begins to dance -or if you are like me then your are looking like you are having some sort of fit. Ok, back to the band. See, I digress rather easily.
The band is named Diesel, and they are actually a group that can play. I have seen my acts before in local bars and pubs and the song choices are more cheesy kareoke than entertainment. Yet Diesel manages to avoid this and create an atmosphere that is so electric, the rhythm of the music can be felt throughout your body, racing through your veins and hitting your soul in all the right places.
You just have to let go and let the music run through you.
Natasha, or Tash as some people call her, is one of the vocalists. She has a beautiful voice and definitely knows how to start a party in style. Let say girls, she has the best sense of style I have seen in a long time. Though lets not take that away from the amazing voice she has. For someone to vary their style of singing the way she does, is incredible. The moves on that girl in heels whilst she is singing are simple but they capture the attention of both men and women in the room.
Next there is Patrick, another vocalist who looks almost like Bruce Willis. He reminds me of a man with a young boy's soul-so full of life and the ability to range his songs from those before my birth to things like Macklemore's Thrift-Shop. That has got to be a skill.
We also have present a guitarist called Thomas and the bass player named Dean. The way those guys capture your attention through the riffs is astounding. The way they move their fingers...in fact I cannot say what I want to say cause it would be highly indecent and inappropriate for such a review. Though the coordinated outfits would make any woman's hormones go crazy.
Finally we have the drummer - Marcus. You can see the talent in the sounds he produces and the emotions showing on his face. The sound made creates a new version of the song taking it from cheesy pop to almost rock-like and alternative. The way he hits those drums a girl could only imagine. Ok lets try to get this back on to topic before the tone will turn into something completely and unintentionally dirty.
The band look like they actually belong together; like pieces of a jigsaw they fall into the correct place. They also remind me of a snowflake. So unique and beautiful, yet they create a masterpiece when placed next to each other. When you look at a masterpiece, it sometimes brings you close to tears. That is your soul letting you know that you should grasp this moment with both hands and treasure it. That is what the audience should feel when they are in the presence of Diesel. A moment never to forget. Each moment so unique.
I could continue to write this piece for as long as I wanted too, but I could never give the band enough attention and justice they deserve. So I shall end this note rocking out to Linkin Park and ironically it didn't really matter that I was some girl sitting in the corner of a bar writing this. In the end this me. This is the music. This is Diesel.
Ai, ai, se eu te pego
Read more at http://lyricstranslate.com/en/ai-se-eu-te-pego-ah-when-i-get-my-hands-you.html#F770Ovgbk6jU2Upy.99
Ai, ai, se eu te pego
Sitting in the bar, writing these words, I feel like I am almost home. Loud words pounding in my ears, the bass vibrating through my body. Peace. After the day I have endured, the noise and familiarity was welcomed. Today made me look at the cracks in my life and fill them with something new (and not poly-filler as my dad would say to me). New friends, a new career, a new home in the UAE. Well maybe after I get used to the fact that my parents are not here to hold my hand and guide me through life.
At this moment in time a band is playing, well playing mainstream music that I dislike (actually when I have had a few drinks I find myself singing along to anything). However my music opinion aside, the sound that they produce is rather great. In fact they may have introduced me to a song I had never heard of before; the title of this post actually.
With a Bacardi Breezer in one hand and my pen in the other, I am set for the night. To do this sort of writing, the freeing of my emotions and the letting go of what is inside of me, I have left two of my friends outside to drink their vodka. Is it socially acceptable to be all emo and write in a bar when I could do this at home where it is comfortable and warm. To be honest with you all, I am actually quite introvert. The best moments of my life have been when I succumb to the isolation of my own company. I would apologise for the rambling but currently the guitar riffs I hear are trying to help my body lose control, and I need to be careful before I start writing some x-rated story. Yeah that has happened before, but for now lets focus on the band.
Right now it appears to be someone's birthday and the band is getting the whole crowd involved. Scenes like this warm the heart. The song choices are amazing (yes I know I said they were mainstream) and they have also chosen songs that make you stop and think "oh wow. I haven't heard that song in a while". Then all of a sudden your body develops a mind of its own; first the tapping of the foot, then the rhythmic leg bounce and before you know it, your body is upon the dance-floor moving with a spirit so free that it is contagious to everyone around begins to dance -or if you are like me then your are looking like you are having some sort of fit. Ok, back to the band. See, I digress rather easily.
The band is named Diesel, and they are actually a group that can play. I have seen my acts before in local bars and pubs and the song choices are more cheesy kareoke than entertainment. Yet Diesel manages to avoid this and create an atmosphere that is so electric, the rhythm of the music can be felt throughout your body, racing through your veins and hitting your soul in all the right places.
You just have to let go and let the music run through you.
Natasha, or Tash as some people call her, is one of the vocalists. She has a beautiful voice and definitely knows how to start a party in style. Let say girls, she has the best sense of style I have seen in a long time. Though lets not take that away from the amazing voice she has. For someone to vary their style of singing the way she does, is incredible. The moves on that girl in heels whilst she is singing are simple but they capture the attention of both men and women in the room.
Next there is Patrick, another vocalist who looks almost like Bruce Willis. He reminds me of a man with a young boy's soul-so full of life and the ability to range his songs from those before my birth to things like Macklemore's Thrift-Shop. That has got to be a skill.
We also have present a guitarist called Thomas and the bass player named Dean. The way those guys capture your attention through the riffs is astounding. The way they move their fingers...in fact I cannot say what I want to say cause it would be highly indecent and inappropriate for such a review. Though the coordinated outfits would make any woman's hormones go crazy.
Finally we have the drummer - Marcus. You can see the talent in the sounds he produces and the emotions showing on his face. The sound made creates a new version of the song taking it from cheesy pop to almost rock-like and alternative. The way he hits those drums a girl could only imagine. Ok lets try to get this back on to topic before the tone will turn into something completely and unintentionally dirty.
The band look like they actually belong together; like pieces of a jigsaw they fall into the correct place. They also remind me of a snowflake. So unique and beautiful, yet they create a masterpiece when placed next to each other. When you look at a masterpiece, it sometimes brings you close to tears. That is your soul letting you know that you should grasp this moment with both hands and treasure it. That is what the audience should feel when they are in the presence of Diesel. A moment never to forget. Each moment so unique.
I could continue to write this piece for as long as I wanted too, but I could never give the band enough attention and justice they deserve. So I shall end this note rocking out to Linkin Park and ironically it didn't really matter that I was some girl sitting in the corner of a bar writing this. In the end this me. This is the music. This is Diesel.
Ai, se eu te pego,
Ai, ai, se eu te pego
Read more at http://lyricstranslate.com/en/ai-se-eu-te-pego-ah-when-i-get-my-hands-you.html#F770Ovgbk6jU2Upy.99
Ai, ai, se eu te pego
Read more at http://lyricstranslate.com/en/ai-se-eu-te-pego-ah-when-i-get-my-hands-you.html#F770Ovgbk6jU2Upy.99
Ai, se eu te pego,
Ai, ai, se eu te pego
Read more at http://lyricstranslate.com/en/ai-se-eu-te-pego-ah-when-i-get-my-hands-you.html#F770Ovgbk6jU2Upy.99
Ai, ai, se eu te pego
Read more at http://lyricstranslate.com/en/ai-se-eu-te-pego-ah-when-i-get-my-hands-you.html#F770Ovgbk6jU2Upy.99
Ai, se eu te pego,
Ai, ai, se eu te pego
Read more at http://lyricstranslate.com/en/ai-se-eu-te-pego-ah-when-i-get-my-hands-you.html#F770Ovgbk6jU2Upy.99
Ai, ai, se eu te pego
Read more at http://lyricstranslate.com/en/ai-se-eu-te-pego-ah-when-i-get-my-hands-you.html#F770Ovgbk6jU2Upy.99
Ai, se eu te pego,
Ai, ai, se eu te pego
Read more at http://lyricstranslate.com/en/ai-se-eu-te-pego-ah-when-i-get-my-hands-you.html#F770Ovgbk6jU2Upy.99
Ai, se eu te pego,Ai, ai, se eu te pego
Read more at http://lyricstranslate.com/en/ai-se-eu-te-pego-ah-when-i-get-my-hands-you.html#F770Ovgbk6jU2Upy.99
Ai, ai, se eu te pego
Read more at http://lyricstranslate.com/en/ai-se-eu-te-pego-ah-when-i-get-my-hands-you.html#F770Ovgbk6jU2Upy.99
Ai, se eu te pego,
Ai, ai, se eu te pego
Read more at http://lyricstranslate.com/en/ai-se-eu-te-pego-ah-when-i-get-my-hands-you.html#F770Ovgbk6jU2Upy.99
Ai, ai, se eu te pego
Read more at http://lyricstranslate.com/en/ai-se-eu-te-pego-ah-when-i-get-my-hands-you.html#F770Ovgbk6jU2Upy.99
Ai, se eu te pego,
Ai, ai, se eu te pego
Read more at http://lyricstranslate.com/en/ai-se-eu-te-pego-ah-when-i-get-my-hands-you.html#F770Ovgbk6jU2Upy.99
Ai, ai, se eu te pego
Read more at http://lyricstranslate.com/en/ai-se-eu-te-pego-ah-when-i-get-my-hands-you.html#F770Ovgbk6jU2Upy.99
Monday, 27 May 2013
Emigrating: 2 Months to go
In response to my leaving, I have decided to spend the rest of my random blogging days talking about my upcoming move. However, my mind is now determined to make me actually realise what I am about to do.The reason for my move is that I have accepted a teaching job in Madar International School teaching English (The actual subject - in the British Curriculum) to Grade 4 learners. The school looks amazing. So I have compiled a pro's and con's list to me emigrating 4165 miles
across the world to Al Ain (yes I have told people it's Dubai, but that
is the nearest city that people would know) in the UAE.
PRO'S:
So for the next two months I will be gong through all the necessary checks, medical included. Hopefully I wont contract HIV/Aids or TB in the following months. That will definitely ruin my plans. It is now just a waiting game. Waiting for the contract to be signed, attested and then I shall be heading the airport to collect my tickets. Not long now. Maybe in another month I shall update my progress. I have packed some of my checked-luggage, and part of my hand-luggage. Just need to buy a few more things (including a suitcase) and I shall be sorted. Oh and I must definitely not forget the sun block...I'd hate to turn into a lobster straight away.
PRO'S:
- It will be a 'once in a lifetime' experience
- Get to live another culture
- Finally grow up and become independent
- Have a secure job
- All expenses paid for
- Again 4165 miles away is a lot when I may need mummy or daddy
- I will have to leave my family behind
- Covering up all the time will be a pain (at first)
- I will be on my own in a foreign country
- I hate flying
- I hate injections
So for the next two months I will be gong through all the necessary checks, medical included. Hopefully I wont contract HIV/Aids or TB in the following months. That will definitely ruin my plans. It is now just a waiting game. Waiting for the contract to be signed, attested and then I shall be heading the airport to collect my tickets. Not long now. Maybe in another month I shall update my progress. I have packed some of my checked-luggage, and part of my hand-luggage. Just need to buy a few more things (including a suitcase) and I shall be sorted. Oh and I must definitely not forget the sun block...I'd hate to turn into a lobster straight away.
Sunday, 17 March 2013
In the name of...
...love
To let someone go because you loved them and it seemed like the right thing to at the time, is just utter bullsh*t. In my defence, I do believe that I loved him but I never let him go because of that. I let him go because of silly insecurities that got too much. Silly thoughts that crept into my mind way too many times every day.
How is it possible to let a thought consume so much of my daily life is surely baffling. But it's not just this that has my life all in a tizz. January 9th, saw me break my foot after a night out. From then I went through the stages of anger, self-pity, stress, and depression; just in a total of four weeks. It was during this time that I finally had a grasp on my life, of what I actually wanted. The list is as follows:
1) A career. Yes surely that is a given but I actually want to teach. My placement at HMP Durham has been a real eye opener. To see those turn to crime because of their upbringing, or as a student told me "they never got the chance to go to school and stay there", was shocking. I left one lesson with a smile on my face as one had stated " I really enjoyed that lesson Miss, I felt like I learnt something". It made me feel proud, like I had accomplished something.
2) A family. Someday I want to settle down with my own boyfriend/partner/husband, with whatever children I am blessed with. Again, the near loss of my nana opened my eyes to how cruel life can be. One minute your on the road to recovery, just to take what seems like 10 steps back, towards death's door again. Hopefully, my nana will get better soon, and positive energy will be restored into the family. It feels like the full family is drained emotionally. Events like this do make you appreciate what you have, and that you can't take life for granted. Even if it is short, you have to live it.
3) My life. I want to live a life that is mine. Dreams and goals that are mine. But this also includes having a healthy life. I don't want to be really skinny again, that's not me. I just want to be happy and free. I suppose I will feel that way again once the stress of waiting on test results passes, and when my Nana is home again. I want to find happiness with someone. Someone who will let me have my insecurities, but will help me through them, instead of dismissing them like they are nothing. Someone to understand that I need a compromise, not me putting in all the effort to make something work. Someone that understands I need my space.
I could write a conclusion to this post but its not necessary. I am what I am, and what I want I will achieve. Someday.
To let someone go because you loved them and it seemed like the right thing to at the time, is just utter bullsh*t. In my defence, I do believe that I loved him but I never let him go because of that. I let him go because of silly insecurities that got too much. Silly thoughts that crept into my mind way too many times every day.
How is it possible to let a thought consume so much of my daily life is surely baffling. But it's not just this that has my life all in a tizz. January 9th, saw me break my foot after a night out. From then I went through the stages of anger, self-pity, stress, and depression; just in a total of four weeks. It was during this time that I finally had a grasp on my life, of what I actually wanted. The list is as follows:
1) A career. Yes surely that is a given but I actually want to teach. My placement at HMP Durham has been a real eye opener. To see those turn to crime because of their upbringing, or as a student told me "they never got the chance to go to school and stay there", was shocking. I left one lesson with a smile on my face as one had stated " I really enjoyed that lesson Miss, I felt like I learnt something". It made me feel proud, like I had accomplished something.
2) A family. Someday I want to settle down with my own boyfriend/partner/husband, with whatever children I am blessed with. Again, the near loss of my nana opened my eyes to how cruel life can be. One minute your on the road to recovery, just to take what seems like 10 steps back, towards death's door again. Hopefully, my nana will get better soon, and positive energy will be restored into the family. It feels like the full family is drained emotionally. Events like this do make you appreciate what you have, and that you can't take life for granted. Even if it is short, you have to live it.
3) My life. I want to live a life that is mine. Dreams and goals that are mine. But this also includes having a healthy life. I don't want to be really skinny again, that's not me. I just want to be happy and free. I suppose I will feel that way again once the stress of waiting on test results passes, and when my Nana is home again. I want to find happiness with someone. Someone who will let me have my insecurities, but will help me through them, instead of dismissing them like they are nothing. Someone to understand that I need a compromise, not me putting in all the effort to make something work. Someone that understands I need my space.
I could write a conclusion to this post but its not necessary. I am what I am, and what I want I will achieve. Someday.
Monday, 26 November 2012
Maybe This Time..
I know I say this every week at least once, but this time I have promised myself to continue with my goal. Apparently it's bad luck to start a diet on a Monday, though I do not know the reason for that. So in light of this, I am starting mine on a Tuesday. However, I am not going to diet as such, but cut down on the amount of food I eat. I eat when I'm bored, emotional, tired, or whenever really; which is ironic cause its making me depressed when I can't fit into my favourite pair of jeans. I am going to keep track of my calorie intake to a suitable level. I even have an app on my phone to help me along the way. Since the average intake for women is round about 2000, I am going to cut mine to 1400, as well as increasing my amount of exercise.
But it is not just my lifestyle that I am going to change, I am also changing my attitude. After speaking to a friend, I have found out that I am quite an intimidating, stuck up bitch - yet this does not seem to be me at all. So as from tomorrow Miss Melissa Rose is going to change, hopefully, and maybe it will be for the better and not for the worst.
But it is not just my lifestyle that I am going to change, I am also changing my attitude. After speaking to a friend, I have found out that I am quite an intimidating, stuck up bitch - yet this does not seem to be me at all. So as from tomorrow Miss Melissa Rose is going to change, hopefully, and maybe it will be for the better and not for the worst.
Thursday, 22 November 2012
Part 2...
Dream number 2 has left me a bit worried. A crush on a member of staff is not going to go well at all, especially when this member of staff is a new addition to the team. My dream was all smiles and tickles - quite literally! What type of guy grabs his co-worker into a hug and starts tickling her in front of customers, very unprofessional. Yet this made me realise nothing would ever happen since it would be very unprofessional indeed. As much as it makes me think, it still hurts especially when another co-worker quite openly state that she would love to be his new gf or something. You know when you get that feeling that your heart sinks into your stomach, yeah that's how I felt when I heard this piece of gossip.
Oh I also have a bit of a dilemma on my hands. I've been short-listed for a place in Korea doing a TESL course but the problem is that the course starts in March, but my PC-ET course won't have finished in time. Do I waste £8,500 for a chance that I might never get again, but end up getting homesick. Or do I continue with this PC-ET and hope that I can somehow teach abroad at another time. I'm currently trying to persuade my course tutor that I can do both courses at the same time. Crazy idea I know. Lets just hope it works.
Sunday, 18 November 2012
Crush, Crush, Crush
“I didn't want to kiss you goodbye — that was the trouble — I wanted to kiss you good night — and there's a lot of difference.”
― Ernest Hemingway
I am seriously fed up with men right now. Maybe it's my fault since I'm slightly high maintainence, or apparently a stuck up bitch; but if the opposite sex decided to help out instead of making me do all the work, then I wouldn't have this problem. Yes, I have a car; but that does not mean that I will do all the travelling. Oh and posting things on a certain social network site with another girl just makes me hate you, and want to forget you. However, this is not the main issue I have. There is this one guy that gets under my skin in a very annoying way, and is driving me insane; yet a sort of crush is developing. We met and an instant dislike was made. Talking to me like a child instantly put him in my bad books, but recently his company hasn't been too bad. It's not like I can tell the guy since it would be highly innappropriate, what with work and his possible other half. Also work is kind of awkward as it is at the moment.
As for the quote, I have never kissed my crush at all, never mind goodbye or goodnight, but it sort of represents how I feel right now. Oh and the dreams are worth going to sleep for. Though the dreams are for another post.
― Ernest Hemingway
I am seriously fed up with men right now. Maybe it's my fault since I'm slightly high maintainence, or apparently a stuck up bitch; but if the opposite sex decided to help out instead of making me do all the work, then I wouldn't have this problem. Yes, I have a car; but that does not mean that I will do all the travelling. Oh and posting things on a certain social network site with another girl just makes me hate you, and want to forget you. However, this is not the main issue I have. There is this one guy that gets under my skin in a very annoying way, and is driving me insane; yet a sort of crush is developing. We met and an instant dislike was made. Talking to me like a child instantly put him in my bad books, but recently his company hasn't been too bad. It's not like I can tell the guy since it would be highly innappropriate, what with work and his possible other half. Also work is kind of awkward as it is at the moment.
As for the quote, I have never kissed my crush at all, never mind goodbye or goodnight, but it sort of represents how I feel right now. Oh and the dreams are worth going to sleep for. Though the dreams are for another post.
Saturday, 3 November 2012
Just Another Night Out
It was a staff night out and of course there was drama, love life being tested, and of course new secrets to be told. I for one found out many things last night, which was oddly reminiscent of last years staff night. Now I cannot go into too much detail just in case certain eyes read this, but it turns out my secret from last year was not so much a secret at all.Which is a good thing sort of, but I hope things don't get awkward. Though I did enjoy last night considerably more, and I did find out that men are complete perves! I suppose it was my own fault for opening my mouth about tattoos and piercings. Yes I made a tit (haha) out of myself. Hey who cares though cause it was all the drinks' fault.
I wonder what happens the next time I see everyone.
I wonder what happens the next time I see everyone.
Wednesday, 4 April 2012
You see there's no real ending....
.... It's only the beginning
I sometimes think that this world is too real and fixed on the proper. What is to say that what is right is wrong, and what is wrong is right. What happens if the "mad" people are actually the sane ones in the world, and the sane are actually mentally unstable. Society today shows us what is deemed improper. I am not justifying certain mental states here, such as those who kill or cause any harm to others, but the types that use such an enormous part of the brain; creating worlds of their own. Such usage of the brain is liberating and imaginitave. Certain mental illnesses are not what they seem.
Take a look in the mirror. You have a choice. To look at yourself and see what rules and conditions who have been brought up with. Look at how you choose paths in life. The "right" paths. The ones that are deemed socially correct. See how your every day language changes when more rules are placed upon you. See how your mind is only capable of being creative to an extent that doesnt push boundaries. You dress how you are expected to dress. You speak your mind when it is acceptable, but you edit. That is what the world is - an edited version of what it should be.
Now this is where an option appears.
Do you continue to follow the norms as you have done since growing up, or do you take another path? One that is "wrong". One that is socially and politically improper. Do you choose how you use your mind? Do you speak freely no matter the consequence; to speak the truth? Do you dress how you want to against social norms. Do you dream of your own world and see it in the real one?
The mirror is a gateway to your life. It shows you exactly who you are. The imperfections, the "perfections". It provides a second conscience. One can certainly add make-up to hide away dreams and fantasies. Or it can create an outlet to who you really are. The one who pushes the limits. The one who isnt afraid to stand out from the norm.
For me, I am one of those who hides behind the mirror. I only show what people need to see but in honesty. I dream of a world were nothing is real. Everything is not what it should be. I want to see what my creative world would be in reality, where people are not restricted to gender roles, or ruled by the stigma of madness.
Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
That is according to Einstein. So who is to say that someone is insane when they really arent. We all dream every day, every night expecting a different outcome; is that insane? No. It's what life is all about.
What would it be like to live in a world, where no one was deemed mad, insane, or crazy? Were no-one judges you for the weird things you say, do, wear. To live in a world were I am restricted in my ability to dream, to create, to believe is the correct definition of insane.
I sometimes think that this world is too real and fixed on the proper. What is to say that what is right is wrong, and what is wrong is right. What happens if the "mad" people are actually the sane ones in the world, and the sane are actually mentally unstable. Society today shows us what is deemed improper. I am not justifying certain mental states here, such as those who kill or cause any harm to others, but the types that use such an enormous part of the brain; creating worlds of their own. Such usage of the brain is liberating and imaginitave. Certain mental illnesses are not what they seem.
Take a look in the mirror. You have a choice. To look at yourself and see what rules and conditions who have been brought up with. Look at how you choose paths in life. The "right" paths. The ones that are deemed socially correct. See how your every day language changes when more rules are placed upon you. See how your mind is only capable of being creative to an extent that doesnt push boundaries. You dress how you are expected to dress. You speak your mind when it is acceptable, but you edit. That is what the world is - an edited version of what it should be.
Now this is where an option appears.
Do you continue to follow the norms as you have done since growing up, or do you take another path? One that is "wrong". One that is socially and politically improper. Do you choose how you use your mind? Do you speak freely no matter the consequence; to speak the truth? Do you dress how you want to against social norms. Do you dream of your own world and see it in the real one?
The mirror is a gateway to your life. It shows you exactly who you are. The imperfections, the "perfections". It provides a second conscience. One can certainly add make-up to hide away dreams and fantasies. Or it can create an outlet to who you really are. The one who pushes the limits. The one who isnt afraid to stand out from the norm.
For me, I am one of those who hides behind the mirror. I only show what people need to see but in honesty. I dream of a world were nothing is real. Everything is not what it should be. I want to see what my creative world would be in reality, where people are not restricted to gender roles, or ruled by the stigma of madness.
Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
That is according to Einstein. So who is to say that someone is insane when they really arent. We all dream every day, every night expecting a different outcome; is that insane? No. It's what life is all about.
What would it be like to live in a world, where no one was deemed mad, insane, or crazy? Were no-one judges you for the weird things you say, do, wear. To live in a world were I am restricted in my ability to dream, to create, to believe is the correct definition of insane.
Sunday, 26 February 2012
A Little Piece of Quiet...
....is all I fricking ask for!
Sunday is the worst day of the week ever. Work requires me to be up at 6.15am so I can set off at 6.45an to get to work for 7.45am. It is not so much the getting up that causes me problems, but its the effects that is has on my day. I do not function before 10am; I can just barely stand up and produce coherent sentences.My shift finishes at roughly 12.15pm so the shift itself is not that bad, it is either a) the customers during my shift or b) what happens when I get home.
My bus is normally late on a Sunday, arriving ten minutes after it states on the timetable. So if one was to add multiple roadworks and temporary traffic lights in to the mix, I get annoyed. Luckily I don't have to wait around for dinner, as my mum is lovely and cooks it for when I walk through the door. My Sunday Roast was delicious today so no complaints there. About 2pm every Sunday I like to have a nap; 6.15am Sunday mornings and Monday mornings mean they are necessary. My naps are where I shall be complaining.
Really is it necessary to open and close the same door multiple times in the space of five minutes (that is no exaggeration). What the hell is so important in the fridge or freezer that you need to visit it so many goddamn times. Other days the noise that is made does not bother me, but nap time equals quiet time. So stop disturbing me. Oh another thing, when I get my own house I want a house that isn't attached to another. I don't want neighbours. The walls are so thin, that I can hear my neighbour, scrape the chairs across the either tiled or linoleum flooring in the kitchen, or the stomping of elephant feet up the stairs. I can even tell who the culprit of the latter is. He is well known for the unnecessary loudness of his speech, his music and his walking. Oh don't forget the giggles after he sneezes. Might as well blow the roof off the house while your there mate!
I know it seems like I'm asking for too much, but I get shouted at all the time for making noise when my mother is asleep. Hello, please even the same courtesy back please. And my neighbours please tell your grandson to shut the f*ck up!
Rant over.
Off to try and have a nap.
P.s I am tired so I get annoyed more easily at unnecessary things.
(As I typed this, the neighbours door slammed that hard by room shook, and is constantly banging that I do not have clue what is going on!)
Sunday is the worst day of the week ever. Work requires me to be up at 6.15am so I can set off at 6.45an to get to work for 7.45am. It is not so much the getting up that causes me problems, but its the effects that is has on my day. I do not function before 10am; I can just barely stand up and produce coherent sentences.My shift finishes at roughly 12.15pm so the shift itself is not that bad, it is either a) the customers during my shift or b) what happens when I get home.
My bus is normally late on a Sunday, arriving ten minutes after it states on the timetable. So if one was to add multiple roadworks and temporary traffic lights in to the mix, I get annoyed. Luckily I don't have to wait around for dinner, as my mum is lovely and cooks it for when I walk through the door. My Sunday Roast was delicious today so no complaints there. About 2pm every Sunday I like to have a nap; 6.15am Sunday mornings and Monday mornings mean they are necessary. My naps are where I shall be complaining.
Really is it necessary to open and close the same door multiple times in the space of five minutes (that is no exaggeration). What the hell is so important in the fridge or freezer that you need to visit it so many goddamn times. Other days the noise that is made does not bother me, but nap time equals quiet time. So stop disturbing me. Oh another thing, when I get my own house I want a house that isn't attached to another. I don't want neighbours. The walls are so thin, that I can hear my neighbour, scrape the chairs across the either tiled or linoleum flooring in the kitchen, or the stomping of elephant feet up the stairs. I can even tell who the culprit of the latter is. He is well known for the unnecessary loudness of his speech, his music and his walking. Oh don't forget the giggles after he sneezes. Might as well blow the roof off the house while your there mate!
I know it seems like I'm asking for too much, but I get shouted at all the time for making noise when my mother is asleep. Hello, please even the same courtesy back please. And my neighbours please tell your grandson to shut the f*ck up!
Rant over.
Off to try and have a nap.
P.s I am tired so I get annoyed more easily at unnecessary things.
(As I typed this, the neighbours door slammed that hard by room shook, and is constantly banging that I do not have clue what is going on!)
Monday, 13 February 2012
Cause it's all in my head.
Well apparently it is anyway.
After many years google has actually diagnosed me correctly in match with my doctor's diagnosis.
I'm not sure when it started but I remember each day becoming worse at meal times. I would sit in my normal place in the living room, processing the food in my mouth when I would notice a family member eating quite loudly. Now this family member does have manners but for some reason, it just started to annoy me. Id give him slight looks as to say "please eat a bit quieter" but it didn't work. Then after that any noise would begin to aggravate me. The breathing through ones nose felt like someone breathing deeply into my ear. When one would sigh abnormally when moving or just through boredom, it felt like my nerves were on fire. Suddenly any noise would become annoying. My mother has sinus problems and hay fever so she sniffs quite regularly, yet to me it seemed that it was too often and unnecessary to do so.
It wasn't just my family members that aggravated me, I found it quite hard to be around people when they ate. Even people on a train sneezing, coughing, sighing. Any noise possible made me feel angry and I needed to run away and hide. I found myself distancing from everyone and locking myself up in my room. But even then I couldn't escape the noises. When someone would brush their teeth, the running water would driving me to tears. It was like I had become trapped in a nightmare of loudness.
Years passed at the sensitivity to noises became worse. Now every time someone eats, smacks their lips, breathes slightly heavier than normal etc. I actually imagine myself shaking them or hitting them to be quiet. I have even cried myself at night cause I cannot stand to be around my family sometimes.
One day, my mam jokingly suggested I look up my "annoyance at noises" on Google and I came across the term 'Misophonia'. I thought it was a made up disorder at first but through extensive research, I realised this was a real thing. Many times I believed I was being selfish, fussy, or just plain moody, but instead there was an answer to my problems. I even read real life experiences and joined a Facebook group on the disorder, and suddenly I didn't feel so alone in the world.
Yet those who suffer with Misophonia deal with the problem I have everyday; people who laugh, mock and ignore what we have. It is a real disorder and it is not something to take lightly. Even many doctors believe there is no such thing. But how can so many people suffer with Misophonia and still be ignored and dismissed so easily. One day I hope this disorder can be treated successfully, instead of being passed around from one doctor to another who clearly don't have a clue. Until then, I will have to deal with society. I do not want to suffer in silence for the rest of my life.
After many years google has actually diagnosed me correctly in match with my doctor's diagnosis.
I'm not sure when it started but I remember each day becoming worse at meal times. I would sit in my normal place in the living room, processing the food in my mouth when I would notice a family member eating quite loudly. Now this family member does have manners but for some reason, it just started to annoy me. Id give him slight looks as to say "please eat a bit quieter" but it didn't work. Then after that any noise would begin to aggravate me. The breathing through ones nose felt like someone breathing deeply into my ear. When one would sigh abnormally when moving or just through boredom, it felt like my nerves were on fire. Suddenly any noise would become annoying. My mother has sinus problems and hay fever so she sniffs quite regularly, yet to me it seemed that it was too often and unnecessary to do so.
It wasn't just my family members that aggravated me, I found it quite hard to be around people when they ate. Even people on a train sneezing, coughing, sighing. Any noise possible made me feel angry and I needed to run away and hide. I found myself distancing from everyone and locking myself up in my room. But even then I couldn't escape the noises. When someone would brush their teeth, the running water would driving me to tears. It was like I had become trapped in a nightmare of loudness.
Years passed at the sensitivity to noises became worse. Now every time someone eats, smacks their lips, breathes slightly heavier than normal etc. I actually imagine myself shaking them or hitting them to be quiet. I have even cried myself at night cause I cannot stand to be around my family sometimes.
One day, my mam jokingly suggested I look up my "annoyance at noises" on Google and I came across the term 'Misophonia'. I thought it was a made up disorder at first but through extensive research, I realised this was a real thing. Many times I believed I was being selfish, fussy, or just plain moody, but instead there was an answer to my problems. I even read real life experiences and joined a Facebook group on the disorder, and suddenly I didn't feel so alone in the world.
Yet those who suffer with Misophonia deal with the problem I have everyday; people who laugh, mock and ignore what we have. It is a real disorder and it is not something to take lightly. Even many doctors believe there is no such thing. But how can so many people suffer with Misophonia and still be ignored and dismissed so easily. One day I hope this disorder can be treated successfully, instead of being passed around from one doctor to another who clearly don't have a clue. Until then, I will have to deal with society. I do not want to suffer in silence for the rest of my life.
Friday, 25 March 2011
Not So New
It appears that it is that time of year again, the time where I have to think about my choices for next year at university. As Thomas Merton once said:
“We must make the choices that enable us to fulfill the deepest capacities of our real selves.”
Yet how do I know which options to choose? How do I know that when the time comes I will not regret these choices?
The answer is, to take that risk.
A risk in itself, is a dangerous concept to think about. But to take it, multiple doors open and so many opportunities can arise. However not all risks can be positive. Just ponder for a moment; what risks should you take in life, and what risks are best left alone.
“We must make the choices that enable us to fulfill the deepest capacities of our real selves.”
The answer is, to take that risk.
A risk in itself, is a dangerous concept to think about. But to take it, multiple doors open and so many opportunities can arise. However not all risks can be positive. Just ponder for a moment; what risks should you take in life, and what risks are best left alone.
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