"Not all dreaming is the same. Dreaming runs the gamut of human
experience (and sometimes beyond), incorporating a dizzying range of
emotions and events, often with elements of the bizarre."
-Michael J. Breus, PhD
Understanding a dream is difficult - was it a dream, or was it your mind telling you to be aware of something? Was it an accumulation of the day (or week's) events built up in and released at that particular moment in time? Dreams often don't tell of anything, just the release of those pent up emotions.
The reason for this post is, one dream has been particularly upsetting. I do not feel the need to describe my actual dream, but perhaps find out why I am dreaming of it. For two weeks, give or take a few days, I dream of a particular event that always ends up with a bad outcome. I'm left alone, everyone else with their loves, their friends, their family. Now normally that wouldn't bother me as I am naturally a person who prefers the solitude, her own company, however this dream felt too real, almost like I was no longer part of the Earth. It was so real, I almost thought it was to be true; that I would soon departing my life.
It wasn't until I decided to distance myself from the people I talk to the most, that I realised what the dream meant to me. It wasn't that I was coming to the end of my time, it was more of the opposite - closing the door on my old life. Looking at the people around me, I could see that they were a mixture of old friends and new friends, past and maybe future loved, my fears and hopes all balled into a reoccurring dream. It was a dream to help me decide what I wanted in my future, almost a warning. Did I really want to sabotage my own happiness? Did I want to stress over events that were most unlikely to happen? If I continued down the path I was currently on I would.
So what if I'm scared of failing at work? It wouldn't be the worst thing that would have happened. So what if the next flight I go on ends up being a disaster? I can't let the fear of the unknown stopping me from living my life. My dream was simply happening to tell me to let go, stop over-analyzing things. Let things fall where they may and cross that bridge when I get to it. Yes, life is full of cliches and mottoes to help you through your life, but only you can control what you want to get out of it .
Dreams are simply but that, dreams.
Otherwordly
Showing posts with label carpe diem. Show all posts
Showing posts with label carpe diem. Show all posts
Thursday, 6 August 2015
Sunday, 12 July 2015
A Nostalgic Whimsy May One Day Come
Life has been rather weird lately, and I can't tell if its positive or negative. My last post mentioned about an upcoming change, discussing how I didn't feel ready. Well now I am. I realized life is too short to worry about the what-ifs and enjoy the little moments instead. It is within these little moments I decided to edit my old Bucket-List and make it more sensible. I will keep reposting this once I cross something off.
- See the Northern Lights (Aurora Borealis)
- Visit Italy, Pompeii, Sweden, Hungary, Denmark, Finland
- Sleep under the stars
- Learn to Ice Skate
- Send a message in a bottle
- See a Cirque du Soleil show
- Learn a foreign language
- See a Broadway Musical
- Skydive
See the sun set in a foreign country- Visit London
- Fall in love
- Adopt a shelter animal
Saturday, 15 November 2014
Life after Books
”
but there is this unwritten contract between author and reader and I think not ending your book kind of violates that contract.”
John Green, The Fault in Our Stars
I recently read a book by John Green Fault in Our Stars and it was definitely an interesting read. Now I am not going to write a review on this story because I have my opinion and that is mine only. However, it made some interesting points about characters and endings of stories, and it made me question my own thoughts.
When a story is placed upon paper, characters and situations are born. They may not be real in existence, but they are real on the page. They are given a background, a life, a history, upon which they evolve into deeper beings. Simply immortalized in words. They are brought to life through their personalities. We learn their likes, dislikes, their ability to bond with other characters. No being is created from thin air. Even those that maybe only mentioned once or twice, they still play a part. It is this creation that poses a problem. As a reader you form your own opinion of each character, you seem to bond with them, learn to love or hate them. Yet when the problem of the story has been solved and the book comes to a close, you face a problem. Does that story really end there? What happens afterwards? Is the light turned off for good? Are these characters thrown in to a disposal bin of endings?
It was this thought that puzzled me the most. Do we really need to know what happens after that last page has ended, after that last period? If a story ends in a happen ending, is it really necessary to think about them more? The answer is no. They are simply words on a page that have been written for our enjoyment only. They are not biographies of life. They are not real people. It is not realistic to end all stories with a happy ending, the characters living a perfect life with everything resolved and dying peacefully in their sleep. That itself would pose more questions than answers.
So what if a story ends in the middle, not completing the story. Take Hazel for example, the reader learns everything, if not more, that we need to know as if she was a real being beside us. Yet as the story progresses, so does our attachment to the character. This is our downfall. When the story dramatically ends, with no explanation, we are left with disappointment. What happened next? Did she live happily? Was she cured? The only person who knows is the character herself. Even her creator doesn't know. It is in this ending that we are able to write our own endings. Each one unique as the person next to us. Yes we may still be left with that question , what happened, burning our curiosity bit by bit, but stories life this imitate life perfectly. Just as 'stories end in the middle of a sentence' with no reason, our life can end at any second, without reason and those around will be left asking questions.
It is simply our nature to question everything and not to take it at face value. It is what it is. This is why I think John Green has hit the proverbial nail on the head. I would leave this post in the middle of a sentence, but I do not have the will power to do so.
So I will leave it with this conclusion. Forming your own answers in your mind is more appropriate than reading a solid ending in a story. You can create your own world for these characters, and no one will question it.
John Green, The Fault in Our Stars
I recently read a book by John Green Fault in Our Stars and it was definitely an interesting read. Now I am not going to write a review on this story because I have my opinion and that is mine only. However, it made some interesting points about characters and endings of stories, and it made me question my own thoughts.
When a story is placed upon paper, characters and situations are born. They may not be real in existence, but they are real on the page. They are given a background, a life, a history, upon which they evolve into deeper beings. Simply immortalized in words. They are brought to life through their personalities. We learn their likes, dislikes, their ability to bond with other characters. No being is created from thin air. Even those that maybe only mentioned once or twice, they still play a part. It is this creation that poses a problem. As a reader you form your own opinion of each character, you seem to bond with them, learn to love or hate them. Yet when the problem of the story has been solved and the book comes to a close, you face a problem. Does that story really end there? What happens afterwards? Is the light turned off for good? Are these characters thrown in to a disposal bin of endings?
It was this thought that puzzled me the most. Do we really need to know what happens after that last page has ended, after that last period? If a story ends in a happen ending, is it really necessary to think about them more? The answer is no. They are simply words on a page that have been written for our enjoyment only. They are not biographies of life. They are not real people. It is not realistic to end all stories with a happy ending, the characters living a perfect life with everything resolved and dying peacefully in their sleep. That itself would pose more questions than answers.
So what if a story ends in the middle, not completing the story. Take Hazel for example, the reader learns everything, if not more, that we need to know as if she was a real being beside us. Yet as the story progresses, so does our attachment to the character. This is our downfall. When the story dramatically ends, with no explanation, we are left with disappointment. What happened next? Did she live happily? Was she cured? The only person who knows is the character herself. Even her creator doesn't know. It is in this ending that we are able to write our own endings. Each one unique as the person next to us. Yes we may still be left with that question , what happened, burning our curiosity bit by bit, but stories life this imitate life perfectly. Just as 'stories end in the middle of a sentence' with no reason, our life can end at any second, without reason and those around will be left asking questions.
It is simply our nature to question everything and not to take it at face value. It is what it is. This is why I think John Green has hit the proverbial nail on the head. I would leave this post in the middle of a sentence, but I do not have the will power to do so.
So I will leave it with this conclusion. Forming your own answers in your mind is more appropriate than reading a solid ending in a story. You can create your own world for these characters, and no one will question it.
Sunday, 15 June 2014
Sparks of a Thought
“To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.”
― Oscar Wilde
Life is a funny thing. We spend all our time trying to survive in the world that we forget how to really live. Not the 'breathe, eat, sleep, repeat' routine that we have all mastered - but the real type of living. We are not immortal. We know our time can be up at any point. The hands on a clock can stop and the beating of our hearts can too; yet why do we act like we are invincible? Why do we believe that nothing can get in the way of our superior lives? Anything can happen, yet we still take our lives for granted.
It seems that we have a selfish desire for life, to see how far we can push it either by rising above others no matter the consequences or spending the days doing the bare minimum. Is that really a life worth living?
On the other hand, some people live to make themselves happy; mothers and fathers, or husbands and wives. In the process they sacrifice a part of them and forget who they are as a person. Perhaps they still have their own life to live but have to compromise to reach their dreams. Is it that hard to be happy?
One's definition of happy is always different to another. A singer in a band could be happy because he spends his days doing what he loves; but is that all he lives for? A mother seeing her child succeed in life could also be happy, but has she fulfilled all her dreams and wishes? We take it for granted that tomorrow will arrive, that the sun will set for another day. But what happens if it doesn't? What happens if it was to be your last day? Would you be happy with how you lived your life? Have you completed all the things that you set out to achieve?
If I were to answer that question, it would be a no. Yours would be too. No-one can be satisfied. As humans we are always wanting more than we can have; whether it's that holiday you were planning for next year, or the M.A course you decided to enrol in. The truth is, none of us will ever be truly happy. It's ok though - we only have this life to live so why take unnecessary risks, to not achieve something you wanted so deeply? Why set yourself up for heartache when you are comfortable with the position you are in now?
As a consequence we will always be riddled with the question - What if?
What if?
― Oscar Wilde
Life is a funny thing. We spend all our time trying to survive in the world that we forget how to really live. Not the 'breathe, eat, sleep, repeat' routine that we have all mastered - but the real type of living. We are not immortal. We know our time can be up at any point. The hands on a clock can stop and the beating of our hearts can too; yet why do we act like we are invincible? Why do we believe that nothing can get in the way of our superior lives? Anything can happen, yet we still take our lives for granted.
It seems that we have a selfish desire for life, to see how far we can push it either by rising above others no matter the consequences or spending the days doing the bare minimum. Is that really a life worth living?
On the other hand, some people live to make themselves happy; mothers and fathers, or husbands and wives. In the process they sacrifice a part of them and forget who they are as a person. Perhaps they still have their own life to live but have to compromise to reach their dreams. Is it that hard to be happy?
One's definition of happy is always different to another. A singer in a band could be happy because he spends his days doing what he loves; but is that all he lives for? A mother seeing her child succeed in life could also be happy, but has she fulfilled all her dreams and wishes? We take it for granted that tomorrow will arrive, that the sun will set for another day. But what happens if it doesn't? What happens if it was to be your last day? Would you be happy with how you lived your life? Have you completed all the things that you set out to achieve?
If I were to answer that question, it would be a no. Yours would be too. No-one can be satisfied. As humans we are always wanting more than we can have; whether it's that holiday you were planning for next year, or the M.A course you decided to enrol in. The truth is, none of us will ever be truly happy. It's ok though - we only have this life to live so why take unnecessary risks, to not achieve something you wanted so deeply? Why set yourself up for heartache when you are comfortable with the position you are in now?
As a consequence we will always be riddled with the question - What if?
What if?
Sunday, 17 March 2013
In the name of...
...love
To let someone go because you loved them and it seemed like the right thing to at the time, is just utter bullsh*t. In my defence, I do believe that I loved him but I never let him go because of that. I let him go because of silly insecurities that got too much. Silly thoughts that crept into my mind way too many times every day.
How is it possible to let a thought consume so much of my daily life is surely baffling. But it's not just this that has my life all in a tizz. January 9th, saw me break my foot after a night out. From then I went through the stages of anger, self-pity, stress, and depression; just in a total of four weeks. It was during this time that I finally had a grasp on my life, of what I actually wanted. The list is as follows:
1) A career. Yes surely that is a given but I actually want to teach. My placement at HMP Durham has been a real eye opener. To see those turn to crime because of their upbringing, or as a student told me "they never got the chance to go to school and stay there", was shocking. I left one lesson with a smile on my face as one had stated " I really enjoyed that lesson Miss, I felt like I learnt something". It made me feel proud, like I had accomplished something.
2) A family. Someday I want to settle down with my own boyfriend/partner/husband, with whatever children I am blessed with. Again, the near loss of my nana opened my eyes to how cruel life can be. One minute your on the road to recovery, just to take what seems like 10 steps back, towards death's door again. Hopefully, my nana will get better soon, and positive energy will be restored into the family. It feels like the full family is drained emotionally. Events like this do make you appreciate what you have, and that you can't take life for granted. Even if it is short, you have to live it.
3) My life. I want to live a life that is mine. Dreams and goals that are mine. But this also includes having a healthy life. I don't want to be really skinny again, that's not me. I just want to be happy and free. I suppose I will feel that way again once the stress of waiting on test results passes, and when my Nana is home again. I want to find happiness with someone. Someone who will let me have my insecurities, but will help me through them, instead of dismissing them like they are nothing. Someone to understand that I need a compromise, not me putting in all the effort to make something work. Someone that understands I need my space.
I could write a conclusion to this post but its not necessary. I am what I am, and what I want I will achieve. Someday.
To let someone go because you loved them and it seemed like the right thing to at the time, is just utter bullsh*t. In my defence, I do believe that I loved him but I never let him go because of that. I let him go because of silly insecurities that got too much. Silly thoughts that crept into my mind way too many times every day.
How is it possible to let a thought consume so much of my daily life is surely baffling. But it's not just this that has my life all in a tizz. January 9th, saw me break my foot after a night out. From then I went through the stages of anger, self-pity, stress, and depression; just in a total of four weeks. It was during this time that I finally had a grasp on my life, of what I actually wanted. The list is as follows:
1) A career. Yes surely that is a given but I actually want to teach. My placement at HMP Durham has been a real eye opener. To see those turn to crime because of their upbringing, or as a student told me "they never got the chance to go to school and stay there", was shocking. I left one lesson with a smile on my face as one had stated " I really enjoyed that lesson Miss, I felt like I learnt something". It made me feel proud, like I had accomplished something.
2) A family. Someday I want to settle down with my own boyfriend/partner/husband, with whatever children I am blessed with. Again, the near loss of my nana opened my eyes to how cruel life can be. One minute your on the road to recovery, just to take what seems like 10 steps back, towards death's door again. Hopefully, my nana will get better soon, and positive energy will be restored into the family. It feels like the full family is drained emotionally. Events like this do make you appreciate what you have, and that you can't take life for granted. Even if it is short, you have to live it.
3) My life. I want to live a life that is mine. Dreams and goals that are mine. But this also includes having a healthy life. I don't want to be really skinny again, that's not me. I just want to be happy and free. I suppose I will feel that way again once the stress of waiting on test results passes, and when my Nana is home again. I want to find happiness with someone. Someone who will let me have my insecurities, but will help me through them, instead of dismissing them like they are nothing. Someone to understand that I need a compromise, not me putting in all the effort to make something work. Someone that understands I need my space.
I could write a conclusion to this post but its not necessary. I am what I am, and what I want I will achieve. Someday.
Tuesday, 22 November 2011
An Apology of Sex
So my last post may have slightly tricked a few people, but this is one is here to make things right. I am aware that many of us lost our virginity between the ages of 14-18. Some probably lost theirs soon as they become interested in girls/boys, some might want to wait for that right person. Yet how many of us can put their hands on their heart and say they fully enjoyed their first time. Not many.
The whole awkwardness of the act combined with young age and probably not knowing their partner very well, doesn't make it a good start for losing your 'v' card.
Now as you get older, and not sleeping your way through the town, sex becomes sort of cherished. Many people my age are just happy with sex being just sex. A primal need. A quickie in a car, or against a wall. But that sensual, soft, worship only comes when you find that right person. That doesn't mean to say that when you find that right person, sex becomes love making, instead you find a balance between love and lust. The quick throes of passion mixed with the long torturous pleasure of love. The way you can tease pleasure and twist it into something special.
Its amazing when you find the things that make your partner go crazy. Soft nip on the ear, the typical biting of the neck, or the grazing of their legs. Many girls and boys have different spots and when you find them, all their control is lost.
That's it for now. I got sidetracked by a memory of mine haha x
The whole awkwardness of the act combined with young age and probably not knowing their partner very well, doesn't make it a good start for losing your 'v' card.
Now as you get older, and not sleeping your way through the town, sex becomes sort of cherished. Many people my age are just happy with sex being just sex. A primal need. A quickie in a car, or against a wall. But that sensual, soft, worship only comes when you find that right person. That doesn't mean to say that when you find that right person, sex becomes love making, instead you find a balance between love and lust. The quick throes of passion mixed with the long torturous pleasure of love. The way you can tease pleasure and twist it into something special.
Its amazing when you find the things that make your partner go crazy. Soft nip on the ear, the typical biting of the neck, or the grazing of their legs. Many girls and boys have different spots and when you find them, all their control is lost.
That's it for now. I got sidetracked by a memory of mine haha x
Thursday, 28 July 2011
Tattoos
For me a tattoo gives others an insight to what that that person is like without them having to say anything.
For example I have three meaningless flower tattoos:
Which I think say that I have a love for flowers, pretty obvious. But why flowers? They hold so many meanings. Forget-Me-Nots (the anklet) suggest everything about you is unforgettable-the compassion that shines in your eyes, the intensity you bring to everything you do-and your energy is contagious. You are leaving a very special mark on your world. The blue Lotus flower (the stomach) means wisdom, knowledge and victory over the senses.Lotus tattoos are meant to represent life, new beginnings and the possibility of people growing to change into something beautiful.
I also however have this tattoo:
The wolf. Many say it's a type of dog as wolves are vicious creatures and mine is pictured very calm. The reason. No idea except the fact that you cant judge something on how they look. Oh and recently I got asked: "Can I take you for a walk?" Definitely original!
Now for the ones that do mean something:
The first "Veritas vos Liberabit". Translation - "the truth shall set you free". Truth is a word that my dad tries to ingrain in my head all the time, that the truth is always best.
The second is in reference to the story of Thumbelina. In the first English translation of 1847 by Mary Howitt, the tale opens with a beggar woman giving a peasant's wife a barleycorn in exchange for food. Once planted, a tiny girl, Thumbelina (Tommelise), emerges from its flower. One night, Thumbelina, asleep in her walnut-shell cradle, is carried off by a toad who wants the miniature maiden as a bride for her son. With the help of friendly fish and a butterfly, Thumbelina escapes the toad and her son, and drifts on a lily pad until captured by a stag-beetle. The insect discards her when his friends reject her company. Thumbelina tries to protect herself from the elements, but when winter comes, she is in desperate straits. She is finally given shelter by an old fieldmouse and tends her dwelling in gratitude. The mouse suggests Thumbelina marry her neighbor, a mole, but Thumbelina finds repulsive the prospect of being married to such a creature. She escapes the situation by fleeing to a far land with a swallow she nursed back to health during the winter. In a sunny field of flowers, Thumbelina meets a tiny flower-fairy prince just her size and to her liking, and they wed. She receives a pair of wings to accompany her husband on his travels from flower to flower, and a new name, Maia.
Now my Thumbelina is unhappy in her flower because I believe no story has a happy ever after. Just because certain obstacles are overcome and in the past, there lie many more in the future.
And the final one: Pretty self-explanatory I think. I love my mam and dad, and without them I could not survive :)
In January 2012, my tattoo obsession took a huge turn, and thus the beginning of my Alice in Wonderland tattoo. It took three sittings but the finished product is so amazing. Now there is no meaning behind my tattoo, just simply a love for such a crazy and unique world.
I recently got new tattoos.....
There are many meanings for the origin of the Dragonfly, many with negative connotations. However the one I went for was the Asian definition; the Dragonfly lives a very short life, yet it lives its' life to the fullest. As you can see there is a letter 'G' nearby; this represents my Aunt Gillian. She was a wonderful and bubbly person, making the most of life. So as a tribute, I decided to give myself a lasting memory of someone I miss so dear.
The newest addition is this masquerade skull...
Just simply because I love The Masque of the Red Skull by Edgar Allen Poe. My favourite story of all time.
Here are my newest tattoos :) :
Oh how I love tattoos.
For example I have three meaningless flower tattoos:
Which I think say that I have a love for flowers, pretty obvious. But why flowers? They hold so many meanings. Forget-Me-Nots (the anklet) suggest everything about you is unforgettable-the compassion that shines in your eyes, the intensity you bring to everything you do-and your energy is contagious. You are leaving a very special mark on your world. The blue Lotus flower (the stomach) means wisdom, knowledge and victory over the senses.Lotus tattoos are meant to represent life, new beginnings and the possibility of people growing to change into something beautiful.
I also however have this tattoo:
The wolf. Many say it's a type of dog as wolves are vicious creatures and mine is pictured very calm. The reason. No idea except the fact that you cant judge something on how they look. Oh and recently I got asked: "Can I take you for a walk?" Definitely original!
Now for the ones that do mean something:
The first "Veritas vos Liberabit". Translation - "the truth shall set you free". Truth is a word that my dad tries to ingrain in my head all the time, that the truth is always best.
The second is in reference to the story of Thumbelina. In the first English translation of 1847 by Mary Howitt, the tale opens with a beggar woman giving a peasant's wife a barleycorn in exchange for food. Once planted, a tiny girl, Thumbelina (Tommelise), emerges from its flower. One night, Thumbelina, asleep in her walnut-shell cradle, is carried off by a toad who wants the miniature maiden as a bride for her son. With the help of friendly fish and a butterfly, Thumbelina escapes the toad and her son, and drifts on a lily pad until captured by a stag-beetle. The insect discards her when his friends reject her company. Thumbelina tries to protect herself from the elements, but when winter comes, she is in desperate straits. She is finally given shelter by an old fieldmouse and tends her dwelling in gratitude. The mouse suggests Thumbelina marry her neighbor, a mole, but Thumbelina finds repulsive the prospect of being married to such a creature. She escapes the situation by fleeing to a far land with a swallow she nursed back to health during the winter. In a sunny field of flowers, Thumbelina meets a tiny flower-fairy prince just her size and to her liking, and they wed. She receives a pair of wings to accompany her husband on his travels from flower to flower, and a new name, Maia.
Now my Thumbelina is unhappy in her flower because I believe no story has a happy ever after. Just because certain obstacles are overcome and in the past, there lie many more in the future.
And the final one: Pretty self-explanatory I think. I love my mam and dad, and without them I could not survive :)
In January 2012, my tattoo obsession took a huge turn, and thus the beginning of my Alice in Wonderland tattoo. It took three sittings but the finished product is so amazing. Now there is no meaning behind my tattoo, just simply a love for such a crazy and unique world.
I recently got new tattoos.....
There are many meanings for the origin of the Dragonfly, many with negative connotations. However the one I went for was the Asian definition; the Dragonfly lives a very short life, yet it lives its' life to the fullest. As you can see there is a letter 'G' nearby; this represents my Aunt Gillian. She was a wonderful and bubbly person, making the most of life. So as a tribute, I decided to give myself a lasting memory of someone I miss so dear.
The newest addition is this masquerade skull...
Just simply because I love The Masque of the Red Skull by Edgar Allen Poe. My favourite story of all time.
Here are my newest tattoos :) :
Oh how I love tattoos.
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