That Whatsapp Message. (previously When it Hurts)

This life offers many paths for you to choose from, yet hindsight into which one to walk down would be more beneficial. Imagine all the bad choices suddenly taken away, no longer available. The right choices so crystal clear every thing else comes easier. If only.

Instead life likes to throw you curve balls, making sure you aren't too happy or too sad. It can be exciting but when emotions of other people it can be, for a lack of a better word, fucking impossible to navigate.  How hard is it to tell someone how you feel about them. Screw the consequences! You may have been down that path with the same person for many years, but each time you discover something new about each other. Time passes by and you keep thinking about the one that got away. That person just sits there in the back of your head and you wonder what if. What if you could meet up one more time? What if you kissed? Would it feel the same? Would it be different? What if you could give it one more shot? What if this time it worked out?  But life doesn't work that way. No instead it's a one way ticket to those thoughts. The other person doesn't really think the same about you. What's done is done. Your heart breaks at the thought of it. That's it one path has been walked down and then destroyed. Even though you don't want to. You want to scream at them, tell them how much you care.

Yet it won't change anything.

You want him to fight for you, tell you that he feels the same. You want him to tell you that he understands your riddled with anxiety and you are simply protecting yourself by pulling away. You want him to message you telling you that he will wait. But that will never happen. You have gone pas the point of no return now. That silly message saying you can't talk to him just proves nothing has changed from the last time you saw each other. That you will only end up hurting him like you did many years ago.

You keep playing the last memory you had of each other, wrapped up in a little bubble, ignoring reality. Adult life always seems to complicate things and axiety and depression likes to seep in there too sometimes. You think to yourself, you should have told him there and then that you want him to be there in the summer. You want him and only him  - his flaws included. But that will never happen
Instead you chose to let him go. Not give him a choice in the matter. Not let him tell his side, his feelings even if it is difficult for him. He has to protect his self too. Now all that is left, is let him find a new love. Someone that will care for him better than you can. Even if it kills you, you have to let it go.

Choose another path to walk down darling, cause when it hurts, you are still alive. 

Broken Hearts and Torn Up Letters

False face must hide what the false heart doth know

  - William Shakespeare

False face must hide what the false heart doth know.
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/w/william_shakespeare_2.html#mfFEewiobEAOeiXX.9

Games. As much as we had to admit it, we are all involved in a game. Whether you're the one making the rules, or the one following them, you are in a game. Just like any ordinary game there is a winner and a loser. Sometimes, the rules can change and the people playing both lose. The outcome of the game can depend on strength will-power and logic. If you become to emotional the results can be disastrous. Once you start playing, each move you make becomes dangerous and risky. There is no way out.

Take this game for example. Two people caught up in a game of Lust. Actually make that four people, more dramatic ending. It's the classic  'I want what I can't have but I will try and take it anyway' scenario. One person caught in a trap with several entanglements Does she choose the spark between a lover known for a day, the chemistry with a dangerous attraction, or does she choose the connection between a 'more than' friend?

Lets break it down even further. The first: The Lover. An instant spark between two people set in a scene fuelled by alcohol. Surprisingly the lovers met during a moment of sobriety but as more liquid was consumed, the hormones began to take over resulting in drunken promises of faithfulness, protection with the inclusion of number-swapping. The outcome will most likely result in akwardness and perhaps the blocking of the whole night were the two people will never meet again. Or it could swing the other way and something beautiful will become of the meeting. However this causes friction amongst others included and changes the game completely.

This takes us to the second part: The attraction. Two people once caught in the trap of attraction mixed with passion and intellect. A dangerous combination with consequences that have affected the whole game and its' players. Two people who had to draw a line in their meeting to keep one player from a broken heart. Yet the attraction has now become all one-sided. A mark has been left in one's head and is saddened when the other player is in charge of his own game with many other contestants, maybe one or two in a night. The loser then watches from the sidelines constantly comparing the winner to other participants in her court. She will be wondering when can she break free from the spell to play her endeavours free from jealousy and longing.

The two situations bring on the final part, the result. The decision: The Connection. As the act between The Lover and The Attraction unfolds, the understudy is waiting behind the curtains, watching every move she makes and every line she speaks. He patiently waits for his turn in the game but it never comes. She has placed him in a compartment in her heart safely locked away. Two people caught in a never-ending circle of hidden emotions which threaten to explode. The Attraction fades away in to the night one more time and The Lover takes centre-stage. This is the moment in which the players will know the outcome. No more rule-changing. No more manipulation. Brutality is amongst them. The Connection admits defeat and walks away leaving the lovers to their finale. They win the game and each other.

However, like all games, there is a final twist: The Heartbreak. As The Connection player walks away, he is forced back in to the game when she realises the consequences of dallying in such a sport. The Connection no longer wants to be a part, and two hearts break at once. The Lover is forgotten immediately, The Attraction is no longer holding a spell over her but it's too late. She has lost. No more drawings, no more communication with words and technology, no more smiles. She realises it's her fault. It was her all along. No one was playing games but her. She was manipulating situations to suit her, not noticing the effects it would have on the participants. A moment too late and the game is over.