What is in a name?

What is in a change?
What?
Why?

I do not know much about much these days, but for some reason I wish to change. Or more precisely, wish for a change. That change began with a new title for my blog. Why? I am not sure. Perhaps, I am becoming more muchier than I once was, and that my love for Alice will still be around, but I do need to grow up into an adult. To some people, living on their own, finding a new place to live may not be a big deal to them; to me it is. A new job, a new apartment, everything is new. A change. I have never had to pay for bills, bar a phone bill. I have never had to depend solely upon myself. Yes I am independent, but that is different. I now have become an adult. I no longer have the opportunity to act like a brat within reason. I have to be responsible.

Is that the change I wish for? No not really.

I'm not particularly sure what change I want. All I know is that the upcoming academic year will either make me or break me. I hope it is the former, I have no back up plan to rely on if my world falls down around me.

My choices

So after a down-the-drain interview that never happened, partly due to the school, my choices that led me there haven't been the best according to some. Apparently my life is to be lived by other people and not me, though I am pretty sure it is me doing the actual walking.

Take my desicison to apply for a new job as an example; most responses were of the following nature "that's great" or "good, see the world. You are too young to settle". Now that was nice to hear,  however, once they learn of where I want to work,it's a whole other story for instance take my job opportunity in Kuwait, the following reasons for me not to work there were due to the fact there is no alcohol.  No alcohol.  That's right. I'm pretty sure I'm going to Kuwait to teach, and not to be a party animal. The second reason was that it's very close to Saudi Arabia.  Now I know my geography isn't particularly great, but I'm certain that the UAE borders Saudi too. Pitiful excuses. It seems as though where ever I go to work no one shall be happy. It is my life. If I want to work in Saudi I will, if I want to visit Afghanistan I will. It is of my choice, not yours. I can tell you one hang for definite though - it shall be a long long time before I live back in the UK again.

29.08.2013

This was the day that would forever change my life.

I didn’t get much sleep the night before – which is quite normal when you are anxious for the upcoming events. I woke up on the Thursday roughly about six am feeling fine. Getting dressed, finishing off my packing, making sure I had everything and still my stomach was fine. Things were looking good.

My uncle decided he was driving my mother, grandfather and I to the airport. This was the first time we had a sort of outing together in a family; what a time to do it. The journey to Newcastle International was pleasant enough. The family laughing and chatting away to each other, getting lost even when using the Sat Nav, everything was great.

Shortly afterwards, we were there. It started to rain. The rain appeared as soon as we hit the airport and I took that as an omen for what was going to happen; a bad omen. Since I had checked in online and printed out my boarding pass already it seemed like everything was going my way. My checked/cabin luggage weighed under the limit, my visa passed through ok and soon enough I received my flight ticket. Seat 26C on board the Emirates aircraft – a seat I had chosen myself.

I said goodbyes to my family just before the security check, making sure I didn’t cry in front of the family. I’m quite positive that if I cried, I would back out and head home. Getting my passport ready, I could feel my heart starting to beat out of my chest. It would appear that my nerves had finally arrived. Even the Security officer had noticed on my ‘flushed’ appearance.  I explained that I hadn’t flown in five years and in return I received a sympathetic look. This was where my bad luck decided to shine.

Reaching the luggage control, I placed my items into the given trays. I even made sure that my laptop was screened separately, my coat pockets were empty and my jewellery was removed. Time for the scanner, and of course it decided to beep as I walked through. All I could think of was fabulous. All I heard after was ‘please remove your shoes and watch’. Watch. Of course I left my watch on. Five minutes later the female officer had decided I had been frisked enough and let me through and it was time to collect my belongings. I quickly tried to repack my cabin bag squeezing everything in, and then I realised ‘where was my phone at?’  I searched through my bag, my pockets and to no avail it wasn’t there. Luckily a security officer had found it still in the tray that someone else had put back.

Finally, after a shaky start, I headed through to the departure section of the airport. I found my flight on the screens dotted around and saw that I had plenty of time to relax, to chill out. I headed towards an empty seat and munched on the sandwiches I had made earlier that day. As much as I wanted to feel relaxed, my mind simply wouldn’t let me. My hands were all shaky and sweaty. My stomach all twisted and knotted. My heart exploding in my chest was the final straw. I headed round to the entrance of the departure gates and rang my mum. I had five minutes to go and even she wasn’t enough of a comfort to me.

Flight EK036 to Dubai is now boarding at gate 26.

Making my way down the stairs, my nerves were reaching an all-time high. Alone, scared, nervous – not a good combination. Then a tear escaped. Not now. Please don’t cry in front of all these people I told myself.  After what felt like a long moment in time, my seat number was called. This was it; time to get on that plane. As soon as I hit the fresh air, more tears made their way down my cheek. I wanted to run back inside. Did I have to fly? I hated flying to begin with, but when flying with family it was almost easier. Here I had no-one and I was to be sat beside two strangers. I finally made it up the wobbly steps to the plane and to my seat; the tears had finally subsided. For how long though? I tried to focus on the screen in front of me, and even that seemed to mock me. Since technology had improved, the aircraft designers thought that they would install cameras around the outside of the plane so the passengers could watch the world pass by.

13.35 and it was time to take off. Well soon as the plane was moved into position on the runway, I broke down. I quietly cried into my scarf trying to disguise my emotions. It must have been more obvious than I thought as one air hostess tried to give me a reassuring smile from the other side of the plane, and one male cabin crew put his hand on my shoulder and asked ‘Are you okay honey’. I simply nodded my head. It was all I could manage without screaming ‘get me off this plane!’

Newcastle airport started to speed past as the plan made its way up in the air. My stomach dropped as I realised there was no going back now. The stranger next to me patted my on the arm and said ‘it’s okay, you will be fine’.  I explained the situation I was in and suddenly I felt fine. Sure the nervousness of flying was there, but every word the lady next to me had said reassured me.

Seven hours had finally gone by and it was time to land. I didn’t cry much on the way back down to the ground, but as the wheels hit the runaway I panicked. I remember all the previous landings I had ever been a part of but not once was there a screech of the wheels hitting the tarmac and the plane swaying to one side. You could actually feel the plane tip slightly as the pilot tried to steady its balance.  I would be grateful when my feet would feel the ground again.

Skipping ahead a few minutes of getting lost, I made my way towards passport control. Half an hour later it was my turn for my passport to be checked. Due to the nature of my eye-sight I have to wear glasses, but it was clear this was inappropriate for me to do at this moment in time. To make sure the person in the passport was definitely me, I had to remove the glasses and have my face run a smart facial recognition programme. The officer stamped my visa and my passport and I was on my way. Just as I entered terminal 5 at baggage claim, I saw my suitcase make its way around the carousel. The timing couldn’t be any more perfect.  And as luck would have it, the bad luck came flying through.

I had been told previously that a member of staff would be collecting me from the airport, but what they had failed to mention was where he/she would be meeting me exactly. Well after two hours of searching, crying, stressing and panicking I found my name amongst the crowd. The person definitely was not happy to see me. ‘Two hours I wait for you’. I just apologised and said I got lost. What more could I do. Turn back the time? The journey from Dubai International to my accommodation was unpleasant and scary. The driver was a maniac – swerving on the roads, nearly swiping the sides of other cars and driving with no hands sometimes. I sure felt like my time was up and I was to die on the roads of the UAE.

Ninety minutes later I had arrived at Madar School Accommodation. It was 4am before I reached room 116. I was happy just to have a bed at that moment in time. Locking the door behind and dumping my suitcase in the middle of the floor, I collapsed on the bed. That was enough for one night.

It's only the beginning

You see there's no real ending
It's only the beginning

So this is it. The wait has dwindled down from three months to just three days. Three more sunrises and it will be time. Time to start my new beginning. A new life in a new city, a new country, a new continent. But where did this all begin? 

A year ago I decided to put all my career options into a hat and let the fates decide my path. The options ranged from being an editor to a teacher. The latter became the answer. After submitting a personal statement and going through all the difficulties of UCAS once again, deciding which universities to apply for and what aspect of teaching I wanted to do, I received an unconditional offer from the University of Teesside. Of course I had to attend an interview, which wasn't all that stressful, but I accepted the offer. It seemed almost too perfect. A few months later I was opening my letter saying that I had been given a place on the PGCE PC/ET course starting in September 2012. This was it. The start of a new career path.

It was here that I found that it was too good to be true. Not in the sense that it was a scam or anything negative, but my bad luck decided to rear its' ugly head. It took until December for my placement to be sorted out, others had been sorted months before hand. So after countless security checks I was finally ready to start putting what I had learned so far into practice. However January 9th saw another setback to my teacher training. A last minute decision to celebrate my new placement happened to include an emergency trip to the a&e. It turned out I had broken my foot. This caused another six week delay to reaching my 100 hour target.

Yet after all this I didn't give up. I had to keep my spirits up and achieve something. And I did. 102.4 hours later I had finally reached the target. I completed all the assignments and everything else that was asked of me. Though there was one more thing I had to do - find a job. So I applied to a local teaching agency ready to start work as a supply teacher. One day fate decided to step in and through me in a different direction. Overseas Teaching.

This was not something I considered at all. Yes, I had fantasies of living in Australia or somewhere in America; but they were only fantasies. A particular agency in the UK was advertising a range of positions across the globe, and suddenly I found my fingers clicking away on the laptop applying for the advertised roles. Qatar, Kuwait, Egypt, UAE. It would be the UAE that would change my life. For better or worse, I cannot say. After all the interviews, communication breakdowns and endless researching, I finally became a English teacher to Grade 3 and Grade 4 pupils attending a private school in Al Ain, UAE.

This is my beginning. I finally enter my new life on Thursday 29th August 2013. It will be here where I will post my ups and downs, my adventures, my mishaps.

One month to go...

It really amazes me how each day has the same amount of seconds, minutes and hours, yet they pass by quicker than the last. It only felt like a few days ago when I received an email containing an
'acceptance of the offer' letter. In fact I signed the form little over a month ago. It seems that life is going so fast that my mind cannot comprehend what is happening.

There is one thing that keeps me up awake, making the night last longer; and that is all the people I will miss.

1) My mum - I will miss the 10am wake up call that she manages to give me every morning. I will miss the annoying 'just checking your still alive' phone calls. I will miss the snarky and bitchy comments we make at each other when one of us is clearly not in the mood. Yet most of all I will miss her warmth and love that a mother gives her child.
2) My dad - I don't really see him that much due to him working away all the time but I will miss the comments he gives when we do unite... (so you're a dumb blonde now...by your putting on the weight and so on). I will miss the arguments were one of us has to be right no matter what. I will definitely miss getting my random hugs from him when I'm feeling down, lonely, or even just bored.
3) My brother - He may have his own family now, and his own house, but I will miss the random phone calls, his way of conning lifts from me, and all the dead arms I receive when trying to beat him up.  I know Jacqueline and Lillie will keep him occupied.
4) My niece -I will miss the way she says 'missa'. I will miss all of her little attitudes she has. I will miss her hugs and kisses and the way she wakes me up in the morning. I will miss her little laugh and her demanding ways.

I could go on like this with everyone in my family, and those that I hold dear to my heart. I will miss the new friends I made throughout my time at school, college and university (both under and post- grad). I will miss my annoying but amusing colleagues from work. I definitely will not miss the early phonecalls asking to come in asap or the phonecalls at night changing shifts. But my time there has been wonderful.

There are people at work who I will miss more then some (sorry) but that's due to the time spent with each individual. There will be one person I will definitely miss. Their ability to make me laugh when I'm annoyed, their acceptance of my bitchy nature or my attitude when I'm on coffee or had no sleep.

It is crazy how many people enter and leave your life all the time, but the memories created along the way will serve me a lifetime of happiness.

Am I ready to go out in to the world alone? - no, but I will do my darn hardest to make the most of what life has given me. 

Emigrating: 2 Months to go

In response to my leaving, I have decided to spend the rest of my random blogging days talking about my upcoming move. However, my mind is now determined to make me actually realise what I am about to do.The reason for my move is that I have accepted a teaching job in Madar International School teaching English (The actual subject - in the British Curriculum) to Grade 4 learners. The school looks amazing. So I have compiled a pro's and con's list to me emigrating 4165 miles across the world to Al Ain (yes I have told people it's Dubai, but that is the nearest city that people would know) in the UAE.

PRO'S:

• It will be a 'once in a lifetime' experience
• Get to live another culture
• Finally grow up and become independent
• Have a secure job
• All expenses paid for

 CON'S:

• Again 4165 miles away is a lot when I may need mummy or daddy
• I will have to leave my family behind
• Covering up all the time will be a pain (at first)
• I will be on my own in a foreign country
• I hate flying
• I hate injections

 That is all I can think of for the time being, I will add more when I can. However, no matter how long the con list might be, I will still move. The only fear I have is not passing the qualification check. It might sound silly to some as I will have a teaching degree, but knowing my luck I would have the wrong one.
 So for the next two months I will be gong through all the necessary checks, medical included. Hopefully I wont contract HIV/Aids or TB in the following months. That will definitely ruin my plans. It is now just a waiting game. Waiting for the contract to be signed, attested and then I shall be heading the airport to collect my tickets. Not long now. Maybe in another month I shall update my progress. I have packed some of my checked-luggage, and part of my hand-luggage. Just need to buy a few more things (including a suitcase) and I shall be sorted. Oh and I must definitely not forget the sun block...I'd hate to turn into a lobster straight away.

Part 2...

       Dream number 2 has left me a bit worried. A crush on a member of staff is not going to go well at all, especially when this member of staff is a new addition to the team. My dream was all smiles and tickles - quite literally! What type of guy grabs his co-worker into a hug and starts tickling her in front of customers, very unprofessional. Yet this made me realise nothing would ever happen since it would be very unprofessional indeed. As much as it makes me think, it still hurts especially when another co-worker quite openly state that she would love to be his new gf or something. You know when you get that feeling that your heart sinks into your stomach, yeah that's how I felt when I heard this piece of gossip.

      Oh I also have a bit of a dilemma on my hands. I've been short-listed for a place in Korea doing a TESL course but the problem is that the course starts in March, but my PC-ET course won't have finished in time. Do I waste £8,500 for a chance that I might never get again, but end up getting homesick. Or do I continue with this PC-ET and hope that I can somehow teach abroad at another time. I'm currently trying to persuade my course tutor that I can do both courses at the same time. Crazy idea I know. Lets just hope it works.

That Little Trip

Recently me and my best friend Emma went to Amsterdam to celebrate her 21st birthday. Yeah she is classed as old now :).

It was crazy how excited we were to be finally going on holiday without parental or any type of adult supervision. A three day cruise without any rules and curfews from parents. There was one problem though, I had no idea if I got sea-sick or not. What a way to find out. When the ferry left the port, I was so happy that I never felt any sickness, and in my moment of joy I rang my mother. Bad idea. I never realised how fast the boat would go at that moment in time. Turns out I do get sea-sick.

How does one go about curing oneself? Oh yes, visit the help desk. This is how that convesation went:
Me: Excuse me, could I have a se-sickness tablet please?
Crew Member(CM): What's the matter like?
Me: I feel sick since I got here
Emma: Yeah been feeling sick we got on the ferry
CM: Oh so your sea-sick...here take that
******
Me: Well I'm sure I told him I was sea-sick

That conversation was pointless I know.

I wont detail every minute and every hour of our trip just some fun parts.

1) We got crazily drunk on the first night.

2) We got lost in Amsterdam

3) Emma nearly got ran over by a tram lol :P
(sorry no pic for that)

4) I nearly got ran over by a bike
(no pic for that either)

5) We visited a sex museum

6) Me and Emma tried a chocolate brownie :)
That was a bad experience and I never wish to do it again :(

7) I wanted to adopt a turtle but Emma did instead

8) We did the Titanic even though Emma's mam told us not too

9) Visited the Red Light District and bought a T-shirt :)

(yes the phot was taken in England but it was the only photo showing off the t-shirt)





10) Finally we were back in Newcastle Port and I was so happy to see English soil

Bucketlist :)

1. See the Northern Lights (Aurora Borealis)
2. Visit Paris
3. Tour Italy
4. Get into my PCET course
5. Pass my driving test
6. Sleep under the stars
7. Learn to Ice Skate
8. Send a message in a bottle
9. See a Cirque du Soleil show
10. Learn a foreign language 
11. See a Broadway Musical
12. Learn Sign Language
13. Buy my first car
14. Complete my dissertation to the standard that I can achieve
15. Write another chapter for my story
16. Visit a volcano
17. Stop cursing like a sailor before I start my placement
18. Pass my PCET course
19. Finish off my leg piece 
20. Live on my own
21. Earn over £1000 a month
22. Buy a new car (say goodbye to Philly the Punto)
23. Get that teaching job I have always wanted
24. Become a mentor 
25. See the sun set in a foreign country
26. Live a year away from my parents.
27. Visit London

More will appear when I can think of things, and will be crossed out when completed: Pictures  for proof will be posted here:

Bucket-List number 5.

The Places I Want to Visit

There are so many places that I want to visit while I can. To see the many wonders out there and to take many beautiful photos, and create many beautiful memories. 
Here are a few:


PARIS

HELSINKI

ROME 

So those are a few to name at the moment, though I am certain there will be many more places added to my list soon enough :) 
x 

Dream a Little Dream...

It's strange how dreams are formed. Whether its formed from a memory, something you have read, or something seen in TV. Mine however combined a character from 90210, Sunderland train station, a story from a friend's wonderful imagination and family members. Now what was that dream you ask?


I was walking around Sunderland station with a very old friend of mine when a sheet of paper on the floor caught my eye. It seemed like a perfectly clear, perfectly square piece of paper. But upon inspection, it had little bits of glitter in the corner. My friend decided to rub the paper and some random guy (from 90210) appeared an explained that he needed a task doing. For me to go back in time and change an event. So my friend decided that this piece of paper also allowed you to choose where you wanted to go. Now for the mode of transport that sent you back in time was the NE Metro. How fancy! On this train was some other friends (who they where I do not know), and they sent me to Newcastle. Soon as I was there, I was getting shot at by thugs in cars, on bikes, pedestrians. I managed to avoid each gun shot and chased a shooter into a little shop. I grabbed him by the throat and asked him what the hell he was shooting me for. Turns out the guy who gave me this piece of paper wanted me killed. Well tough luck! I strolled out of the shop and went over the road to the Police Station where I asked to file a complaint against a killer :S. She asked for my national insurance number (which turned out to be my Student Reference Number). All of a sudden I was back in my normal Timeline. I then found out that the Guy who wanted me killed was handing out these Time sheets to people who knew me to go back in time to kill me. I started shouting and screaming at the Camera men calling this guy a traitor and other expletives:P That guy then came over and said "don't be to hard on me...you know how it is" What a dick. I then tried to find my friends on the Metro Time Machine by using a map similar to the Marauder's Map in Harry Potter. But since they where in a different time line. No such luck. I decided to go home and caught up with my brother. I found out he had one of those Time paper things and he had used it. So I went ballistic and starting shouting at him " Why the hell did you do that for? Don't you ever go back in time. I Don't want things to change, nothing is supposed to change. Things happen for a reason!" ...

And then my neighbour's phone woke me up at 6.37am. Not a happy bunny.  Though I wonder if it means anything... :/ x x