The Resignation

“Resignation requires will, and will requires decision, and decision requires belief, and belief requires that there is something to believe in!”
― Anne Rice


I never planned on quitting my job; it sort of happened by chance. For what seemed like a solid decision to stay for a third year at my current school, I was easily persuaded by a different future. A future that would allow me to be part of a British Curriculum, to belong to a school that valued its' staff and to show what I can do as a teacher.

Realistically, there is nothing wrong with my current position, being a Lead Teacher of some sort. But it came at a price. The price of my mental state. It wasn't about the money either; pay me what I am worth and that was what mattered to me. It was the constant battle between instinct and duty. It was the constant rejection of improvement that closed the deal. How could I improve myself and my team if I wasn't given the chance? There was no opportunity for change no matter how much they argued for it. 

I had many sleepless nights; stressing, worrying over what the next day would bring. So I decided to look down another path, another direction to take. It was that decision that led me straight into a different learning environment. How was I easily persuaded? Well when you think an interview had sucked so bad but you were given an offer of acceptance within 6 hours surely that was a sign.

I am aware that the grass is not always greener on the other side, but maybe this will work out for the best.

One month to go...

It really amazes me how each day has the same amount of seconds, minutes and hours, yet they pass by quicker than the last. It only felt like a few days ago when I received an email containing an
'acceptance of the offer' letter. In fact I signed the form little over a month ago. It seems that life is going so fast that my mind cannot comprehend what is happening.

There is one thing that keeps me up awake, making the night last longer; and that is all the people I will miss.

1) My mum - I will miss the 10am wake up call that she manages to give me every morning. I will miss the annoying 'just checking your still alive' phone calls. I will miss the snarky and bitchy comments we make at each other when one of us is clearly not in the mood. Yet most of all I will miss her warmth and love that a mother gives her child.
2) My dad - I don't really see him that much due to him working away all the time but I will miss the comments he gives when we do unite... (so you're a dumb blonde now...by your putting on the weight and so on). I will miss the arguments were one of us has to be right no matter what. I will definitely miss getting my random hugs from him when I'm feeling down, lonely, or even just bored.
3) My brother - He may have his own family now, and his own house, but I will miss the random phone calls, his way of conning lifts from me, and all the dead arms I receive when trying to beat him up.  I know Jacqueline and Lillie will keep him occupied.
4) My niece -I will miss the way she says 'missa'. I will miss all of her little attitudes she has. I will miss her hugs and kisses and the way she wakes me up in the morning. I will miss her little laugh and her demanding ways.

I could go on like this with everyone in my family, and those that I hold dear to my heart. I will miss the new friends I made throughout my time at school, college and university (both under and post- grad). I will miss my annoying but amusing colleagues from work. I definitely will not miss the early phonecalls asking to come in asap or the phonecalls at night changing shifts. But my time there has been wonderful.

There are people at work who I will miss more then some (sorry) but that's due to the time spent with each individual. There will be one person I will definitely miss. Their ability to make me laugh when I'm annoyed, their acceptance of my bitchy nature or my attitude when I'm on coffee or had no sleep.

It is crazy how many people enter and leave your life all the time, but the memories created along the way will serve me a lifetime of happiness.

Am I ready to go out in to the world alone? - no, but I will do my darn hardest to make the most of what life has given me. 

Maybe This Time..

I know I say this every week at least once, but this time I have promised myself to continue with my goal.  Apparently it's bad luck to start a diet on a Monday, though I do not know the reason for that. So in light of this, I am starting mine on a Tuesday. However, I am not going to diet as such, but cut down on the amount of food I eat. I eat when I'm bored, emotional, tired, or whenever really; which is ironic cause its making me depressed when I can't fit into my favourite pair of jeans. I am going to keep track of my calorie intake to a suitable level. I even have an app on my phone to help me along the way. Since the average intake for women is round about 2000, I am going to cut mine to 1400, as well as increasing my amount of exercise.

But it is not just my lifestyle that I am going to change, I am also changing my attitude. After speaking to a friend, I have found out that I am quite an intimidating, stuck up bitch - yet this does not seem to be me at all. So as from tomorrow Miss Melissa Rose is going to change, hopefully, and maybe it will be for the better and not for the worst.

Part 2...

       Dream number 2 has left me a bit worried. A crush on a member of staff is not going to go well at all, especially when this member of staff is a new addition to the team. My dream was all smiles and tickles - quite literally! What type of guy grabs his co-worker into a hug and starts tickling her in front of customers, very unprofessional. Yet this made me realise nothing would ever happen since it would be very unprofessional indeed. As much as it makes me think, it still hurts especially when another co-worker quite openly state that she would love to be his new gf or something. You know when you get that feeling that your heart sinks into your stomach, yeah that's how I felt when I heard this piece of gossip.

      Oh I also have a bit of a dilemma on my hands. I've been short-listed for a place in Korea doing a TESL course but the problem is that the course starts in March, but my PC-ET course won't have finished in time. Do I waste £8,500 for a chance that I might never get again, but end up getting homesick. Or do I continue with this PC-ET and hope that I can somehow teach abroad at another time. I'm currently trying to persuade my course tutor that I can do both courses at the same time. Crazy idea I know. Lets just hope it works.

A New Day, A New Start

     Too many days, I have stood in front of the dressing room mirror and glaring at it's reflection. The once toned and athletic body has become frumpy and lumpy. Turning around in my dress,. one can easily notice the ever growing cellulite and the fresh pink stretch marks that have appeared over time. The laid back university life, and it's consumption of alcohol and take-aways has finally taken it's toll on my body. No longer am I the size 10-12 with pronounced hips. The size 14-16 is clear to me now. Yet every attempt I make to change this change in life-style, failure is always ahead
     So as a final endeavour to save my changing body, I am changing my eating habits (but will not exclude fatty foods or chocolate, but will eat them in moderation instead), and excercise will make its debut. It is here on this blog that I will show my weaknesses and strengths of my body, and show the progress of my diet.
Hopefully this will work.

Life's a Bitch

 Then you marry one....

I have caught myself in the middle of a predicament again. I finally thought I had got out of a sticky situation with two people last week, but as my luck would have it one person would not let go. For once I wish I had the guts to tell people how I feel without feeling guilty of the consequences. Yet through this I think I have finally found someone who will put up with my high-maintenance self :). I once stated that I would never go back out with my ex, but somehow fate had won and that's exactly what has happened. I am not complaining though. He's sweet and funny, and knows how to handle my distance.

My weird love-life aside, university life is going great. I have a conditional offer at Sunderland for my teaching course. Hopefully, I will be able to reach the requirements and earn the right to keep my position. Also its not long till I can get my new baby...my first car. I am so excited. I will finally be free; well as free as the petrol allowance will let me be haha.

That's it for now, I have essays and a dissertation to take my mind off the upcoming week :/
That will be a post for later.

An Addition to A New Goal

I recently published a post stating that I was going to attempt to write a new poem each week. However a nice friend gave me this and I shall cross them off as I go:

1- Write a poem where each line starts with a letter from your first name (an acrostic). It can be about anything, but it should not be about you or your name.

2- Who was the last person you texted? Write a five line poem to that person.

3- Find the nearest book (of any kind). Turn to page 8. Use the first ten full words on the page in a poem. You may use them in any order, anywhere in the poem.

4- Write a haiku. They’re often about nature, but yours can be about anything.

5- Write a three line poem about lemons without using the following words: lemon, yellow, round, fruit, citrus, tart, juicy, peel, and sour.

6- Write a poem of any length incorporating every word from your latest Facebook status.

7- Take a walk until you find a tree you identify with, then write a poem using the tree as a metaphor for yourself or your life.

8- Write a Cinquain on a topic of your choice.

 9- Quickly jot down four verbs, four adjectives, and four nouns. Write a poem using all 12 words.

10- Pick a one line song lyric to serve as an epigraph to your poem. Then, write the poem to accompany it.

11- Write a list poem.

12- Tell your life story in 6 words.

13- Write a short poem that a child would like.

14- Write a bad poem, make it as lousy as you can, do everything wrong, let yourself be awful.

15- Post a poem (written by someone else) that you love (for any reason).

16- Respond to the poem you posted yesterday with a poem of your own.

17- Write a poem that employs a rhyme scheme.

18- Write a poem without any end rhyme, only internal rhyme.

19- Imagine yourself doing any household task/chore, then write a poem using what you’ve imagined as an extended metaphor for writing.

20- Write a narrative poem detailing a specific childhood memory.

21- Choose one of the poems you’ve already written and posted as part of this challenge and re-order it in some way. You could rearrange the lines or stanzas or even words in a line. Think of it as a puzzle!

22- What is the first car you bought/drove/remember? Write a poem about it.

23- Write a seven line poem that begins with “it’s true that fresh air is good for the body” (from Frank O’Hara’s poem “Ave Maria”) and ends with “this is our body” (from Gary Snyder’s “The Bath”).

24- Write a poem that’s different in some way from anything you’ve ever written. Take a chance! Be wild!

25- Write a poem that includes all of the following words: pistachio, ink, pebble, weather, varnish.

26- Gather some magazines/catalogs you don’t mind cutting up and spend ten minutes flipping through them looking for words/sentences that spark your interest. Cut out the words as you go, and (at the end of the ten minutes) arrange the words to form a cut-out poem.

27- Begin with the title “The Poem I’d Never Write.” Then, write that poem.

28- Visit a virtual art gallery and look around until you find a piece that intrigues you. Write a poem inspired by the artwork.

29- Briefly research a poetic form of your choice and write a poem according to the rules of that particular form.

30- Write a poem employing extended metaphor to illustrate the experience of the last thirty days.

So I wonder if I can complete this.