Another Little Quiz

1. What is your best friend's name? Emma

2. Where is the weirdest place you have a mole? I have one randomly on my palm.

3. Who was the hottest teacher you ever had? oooo this is a toughy, probably Mr Thompson, one of my old Chemistry teachers, or perhaps Mr Brown, an old Maths teacher.

4. Do you have an innie or an outtie? I have an innie :)

5. Have you ever been tied up? Do you want to be? I've been tied up once, and I would like to do it again sometime ;)

6. Do you parallel park or drive around the block? I drive around the block, or look for another space

7. Who is the last person you usually think about before you fall asleep? My lovely crush

8. Have you ever had a poem or a song written about you? Yeah I have, quite a few in fact!

9. What was your childhood nickname? Fire, Moo-shake, Milly Molly Mandy, I had a few

10. What's the weirdest thing you have done while driving? I changed my shoes once

11. Do you scrunch or fold your toilet paper? Fold

12. Do you have any strange phobias? Spiders, Blood, Thunder, Lightning

13. What is the stupidest thing you've ever done at a bar? Too many things to write down

14. Have you ever been drunk at work? Plenty of times.

15. Have you ever found your date's/lover's brother or sister more attractive? Once or twice.

It's Not the End of the World.

Or is it?

Well according to my dream, it may well be.

It was any other normal day at work, just casually pretending to do something productive, when I randomly answer my phone in the middle of the store. It was my brother calling stating that my mother wanted me to come and spend the last final hours on Earth with her. I must have known before I  went to work that the world was going to end as I simply told her to calm down and look after my brother, I was going to be ok. All of a sudden my dream flashed to the sun burning in all its glory heading into the Earth's atmosphere. It was near. I knew it, and so did my bosses. Yet we chose to spend our last moments arranging the clothing rails in order. I sent a final text to my mother saying I loved her, and that we will meet again somewhere. I told my boss that this was where I wanted to be and that I enjoyed working. Me, a female boss, and a male boss seemed to have come to terms with the fact that death was near, since we appeared to be calm. We appeared to be content.

Then I woke up.  I was slightly worried that this was really going to happen, and I got myself into a real tizz about it. After a few moments, being real close to tears and scared for my life, I burst out laughing. Not only have had this dream before, and I noticed it was december 2012, my crush had appearend in this dream. That's when I knew I should never eat before going to sleep.

Maybe This Time..

I know I say this every week at least once, but this time I have promised myself to continue with my goal.  Apparently it's bad luck to start a diet on a Monday, though I do not know the reason for that. So in light of this, I am starting mine on a Tuesday. However, I am not going to diet as such, but cut down on the amount of food I eat. I eat when I'm bored, emotional, tired, or whenever really; which is ironic cause its making me depressed when I can't fit into my favourite pair of jeans. I am going to keep track of my calorie intake to a suitable level. I even have an app on my phone to help me along the way. Since the average intake for women is round about 2000, I am going to cut mine to 1400, as well as increasing my amount of exercise.

But it is not just my lifestyle that I am going to change, I am also changing my attitude. After speaking to a friend, I have found out that I am quite an intimidating, stuck up bitch - yet this does not seem to be me at all. So as from tomorrow Miss Melissa Rose is going to change, hopefully, and maybe it will be for the better and not for the worst.

Analyse that Raunchy Dream

So I'm going to give a shot at analysing my dream just because I'm sick of dreaming about this guy. Here's the dream:

There's me and this  member of staff from one of my jobs, lets call him Bill. See I sort of like Bill but it is a well know fact that me and Bill will not work out. I start having this same dream about Bill, we are at work when I randomly start calling him abusive names. Then all of a sudden Bill grabs me at the waist and starts to tickle me, confusing much? But that's not it, the dream takes a sudden turn and we end up practically doing it at work. Yet we appear to be invisible to others, as customers and other members of staff just walk right past us. I mean the sex is just pure lust, however he is very attentitive and loveable, almost showing me a side of him that I never see at work.

And here is the analysis:

Chances are this dream is as simple as a good-old fashioned attraction to your boss. Yes, you most likely want to have sex with him. And whether or not you make this dream a reality is up to you and your boss. Although I would advise exercising extreme caution before proceeding ahead with any kind of involvement with him (for all of the obvious reasons).
All real logistics aside, in the case of sex dreams, I would ask, “Why are you having sex with this person specifically and what might they represent?” Sometimes in dreams we are getting it on with someone we find sexy in real life, but oftentimes it’s with someone we are not attracted to in the least. Sex is a merger of bodies and identities. So what qualities about your boss might you want to inhabit more in your own life and career? Power? Success? Leadership? For example, I had a friend who was complaining about a particularly repulsive string of sex dreams about her boss, who she hates. After exploring the dreams some more, she realized that the dreams were really about how the two of them had opposite work styles that complemented each other. Once she got passed disliking him so much, she realized that they made a good team and was, of course, totally relieved when the sex dreams stopped.
The frequency and intensity of these dreams indicate that they may also be a commentary about how passion, drive, and desire manifest themselves in your life. I don’t know what you do for a living or how fulfilled you feel by it, but the fact that you are having reoccurring dreams about having sex with your boss makes me think you have an extreme attitude about work. Either you feel “orgasmic” about it or you wish you did. And how does your work life compare to your home life? Is it equally fulfilling? How are they unbalanced?
A word of advice: If you can see past your actual sexual desire for your boss to the essence of your attraction to him, there will be a valuable message waiting for you.



So hopefully these sex dreams will disappear if I look past the sex part right? Let's fricking hope so!

Part 2...

       Dream number 2 has left me a bit worried. A crush on a member of staff is not going to go well at all, especially when this member of staff is a new addition to the team. My dream was all smiles and tickles - quite literally! What type of guy grabs his co-worker into a hug and starts tickling her in front of customers, very unprofessional. Yet this made me realise nothing would ever happen since it would be very unprofessional indeed. As much as it makes me think, it still hurts especially when another co-worker quite openly state that she would love to be his new gf or something. You know when you get that feeling that your heart sinks into your stomach, yeah that's how I felt when I heard this piece of gossip.

      Oh I also have a bit of a dilemma on my hands. I've been short-listed for a place in Korea doing a TESL course but the problem is that the course starts in March, but my PC-ET course won't have finished in time. Do I waste £8,500 for a chance that I might never get again, but end up getting homesick. Or do I continue with this PC-ET and hope that I can somehow teach abroad at another time. I'm currently trying to persuade my course tutor that I can do both courses at the same time. Crazy idea I know. Lets just hope it works.

Sweet Dreams are Made of Sex and Music

At least you'll have nice thoughts of me
When I'm cheating on you in your dreams
I told you before, my closet's clean
And that these bones don't belong to me
-Playing the Blame Game by You Me at Six

So without further ado.....

Dream number 1

This one night I find myself reliving a staff night out and meeting this stranger across the dance floor. Now some of you may remember the events from a previous post about secrets being made, however the person in those secrets was not my mystery stranger. In fact, this person just happened to be my new crush, maybe it was because of the dream that he became my crush I am not sure but anyway back to the dream. So there I was mid dance with my colleagues from work when this stranger made his way towards me; exactly how a lion stalks his prey. His eyes pierced mine, silently hypnotising me. His hand slowly extended closer to mine, gripping tightly so I could never run. All of a sudden I was pulled into a hold that had me captive. I could not escape, not that I wanted to it seemed. The world around me disappeared, it was just me and my beautiful predator. His hold of me felt tighter and tighter, no space between us. The next thing I knew I was laying on my back, on a soft cloud with him above me. With his hand softly stroking my cheek, he whispered words of velvet seduction. His gaze caressed my body, making me feel like I was covered in silk.....
And that's were I'm leaving it, as I am not particularly into writing public x-rated words. I think that you know what happens next. Oh and a side note, my crush is not a stranger, but a beautiful and condescending prick. 

Closure

Today's post is a letter to someone who I know will most definitely read this. However if they don't its fine. It's more of a letter of closure. A way to forget the past.

"Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it’s better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together."
by Unknown

I'm not sorry for loving you, but I am sorry for not loving you enough to try and make it work. It's hard for me to make things work when you label the relationship. I'm sorry I couldn't tell you to your face its over, but I'm not sorry for leaving you. There is no point in writing harsh words, or airing dirty secrets; but I have no choice to say what I have to. I can't invest in making time for something that has been on and off for three years. If it never worked then, we should have walked away from each other years ago. For the sake of my heart its why I'm walking away now.  You deserve to be happy, with someone who loves you the right way. So maybe I'll see you around one day and I'll say hi, but for now you are no longer going to be running through my head. It's time for me to focus on my life and not the what-ifs that you come with.

Im sorry

10 Things I Hate about You

I hate the way you talk to me,
And the way you cut your hair...

So here is my list:

1. I hate that you the way you dress
2. I hate the way you smile
3. I hate that you're always depressed/angry
4. I hate that you have no goal in life
5. I hate that you give no passion
6. I hate that you lied to me
7. I hate the fact you never turned me on (yes I faked it)
8. I hate the way you live your life
9. I hate the way you didn't attempt to see me
10. I hate everything about you.
    

Crush, Crush, Crush

“I didn't want to kiss you goodbye — that was the trouble — I wanted to kiss you good night — and there's a lot of difference.” 
― Ernest Hemingway


I am seriously fed up with men right now. Maybe it's my fault since I'm slightly high maintainence, or apparently a stuck up bitch; but if the opposite sex decided to help out instead of making me do all the work, then I wouldn't have this problem. Yes, I have a car; but that does not mean that I will do all the travelling. Oh and posting things on a certain social network site with another girl just makes me hate you, and want to forget you. However, this is not the main issue I have. There is this one guy that gets under my skin in a very annoying way, and is driving me insane; yet a sort of crush is developing. We met and an instant dislike was made. Talking to me like a child instantly put him in my bad books, but recently his company hasn't been too bad.  It's not like I can tell the guy since it would be highly innappropriate, what with work and his possible other half. Also work is kind of awkward as it is at the moment.
As for the quote, I have never kissed my crush at all, never mind goodbye or goodnight, but it sort of represents how I feel right now. Oh and the dreams are worth going to sleep for. Though the dreams are for another post.

Why Bother?

So stressed out right now, and it seems like nothing is going right for me. Love life sucks, work is depressing me, and uni is going down the drain. Lets break things up and go into a bit more detail.

1) Work:

Well, for one thing not enough hours at work annoys me then when I get the hours,  I get pissed off. Urgh can't win at all.  Though I'm not surprised since I wreck the place with my clumsiness. Monday saw me stabbing my thumb repeatedly with the pins, ripped my nail off, walked into a wall of bike boxes, fell over a stand. The list is endless.

2) Uni:

Placement hasn't started yet and I'm already freaking out. I'm behind every one in terms of experience and I'm dreading my micro-teach next week. I have no idea what to do.

3) Love-life:

Well, that one is a bummer. And all my friend said was that I need to get laid. How eloquent and nice. Though it might actually help, I'm not in the mood for shitty guys.


I just can't be bothered for anything at the moment, except for a good night out on the town and let loose abit. 

Boost up those brochure sales by pimping out your staff!

Well. That is all I have to say. Today was clearly one of those good days, were I don't look like a right mess at work. So it all started with an idea to boost up the Christmas brochures and B4L. I always do badly, that's a given when I'm at work, so here was a tip given to me by a friend...

"Make a sign that for every brochure a customer buys, they will be entered in a draw for a date with a member of staff (the customer can even choose which person). Or just pimp someone out completely"

Yeah cause that will work. Apparantly it does as I am getting pimped out already.

First there was a young gentleman who gave me a flirty smile and was eyeing me up (according to another member of staff), and he was darn good-looking too. Then a boy who must have been about 12 or 13 was a right charmer. He handed me the money with a right swagger calling me darl, yeah his dad taught him well. He will be a right heart-throb when he is older. Bless.

So that was a good day at work. The full day of flirting my way through sales.

Oh as a side note, I also managed to knock down a sign at work by throwing a ball.

All in one day ey.

Just Another Night Out

It was a staff night out and of course there was drama, love life being tested, and of course new secrets to be told. I for one found out many things last night, which was oddly reminiscent of last years staff night. Now I cannot go into too much detail just in case certain eyes read this, but it turns out my secret from last year was not so much a secret at all.Which is a good thing sort of, but I hope things don't get awkward. Though I did enjoy last night considerably more, and I did find out that men are complete perves! I suppose it was my own fault for opening my mouth about tattoos and piercings. Yes I made a tit (haha) out of myself. Hey who cares though cause it was all the drinks' fault.
I wonder what happens the next time I see everyone.

Just One Huge Rant

I give up. I really do.

Today I realised I have blogged much these past few months and I've celebrated with this complaint. What the heck am I doing with my life? I seem to be living my life with other people's expectations. They want me to be this, that, or the other not taking into consideration what I want. I want to be a prison tutor, but no, apparrently I'm too weak or too much of a pushover to even succeed. Either that or I'm more likely to sleep with one of my students. Great judgement of my life. Why do people need to feel like they have to judge me, or mock what I want to do? Is their life that boring that they feel the need to belittle mine? That, I do not have the answer to.

Another point I'd like to make is my love life. This is were I get a little hypocritical. I expect my love to trust and respect me but I can't seem to trust him. Well not so much him, but others around. Low self esteem and confidence issues have taken control (well thats one excuse thats highly used), the other reason is I know how the majority of skanks work. How can I say to someone I love, yes love, that I don't like him having a life outside of me when there is a lot of temptation around? Oh I hate the label boyfriend and girlfriend too. Just so tacky and overused. Once labels have been placed people expect you to act a certain way, compromise, and basically give up your life to be with that person. Believe me I've seen it happen. You get caught up in a bubble and once an outsider worms their way in, everything changes. Why others feel the need to invade a bubble of which is not theirs I have no idea. Again it all comes down to expectations.

People expect me to be able to read minds, to be perfectly happy all the time, to be normal. Well I'm afraid the more expectations you have of me, the more it those expectations will be thrown out of the window or down a drain somewhere.
Oh and a final thing, why do people constantly make plans with me when they know they are going to make up some bullshit excuse and cancel!

Love from an angry person

A New Day, A New Start

     Too many days, I have stood in front of the dressing room mirror and glaring at it's reflection. The once toned and athletic body has become frumpy and lumpy. Turning around in my dress,. one can easily notice the ever growing cellulite and the fresh pink stretch marks that have appeared over time. The laid back university life, and it's consumption of alcohol and take-aways has finally taken it's toll on my body. No longer am I the size 10-12 with pronounced hips. The size 14-16 is clear to me now. Yet every attempt I make to change this change in life-style, failure is always ahead
     So as a final endeavour to save my changing body, I am changing my eating habits (but will not exclude fatty foods or chocolate, but will eat them in moderation instead), and excercise will make its debut. It is here on this blog that I will show my weaknesses and strengths of my body, and show the progress of my diet.
Hopefully this will work.

You see there's no real ending....

.... It's only the beginning

I sometimes think that this world is too real and fixed on the proper. What is to say that what is right is wrong, and what is wrong is right. What happens if the "mad" people are actually the sane ones in the world, and the sane are actually mentally unstable. Society today shows us what is deemed improper. I am not justifying certain mental states here, such as those who kill or cause any harm to others, but the types that use such an enormous part of the brain; creating worlds of their own. Such usage of the brain is liberating and imaginitave. Certain mental illnesses are not what they seem.

Take a look in the mirror. You have a choice. To look at yourself and see what rules and conditions who have been brought up with. Look at how you choose paths in life. The "right" paths. The ones that are deemed socially correct. See how your every day language changes when more rules are placed upon you. See how your mind is only capable of being creative to an extent that doesnt push boundaries. You dress how you are expected to dress. You speak your mind when it is acceptable, but you edit. That is what the world is - an edited version of what it should be.

Now this is where an option appears.

Do you continue to follow the norms as you have done since growing up, or do you take another path? One that is "wrong". One that is socially and politically improper. Do you choose how you use your mind? Do you speak freely no matter the consequence; to speak the truth? Do you dress how you want to against social norms. Do you dream of your own world and see it in the real one?

The mirror is a gateway to your life. It shows you exactly who you are. The imperfections, the "perfections". It provides a second conscience. One can certainly add make-up to hide away dreams and fantasies. Or it can create an outlet to who you really are. The one who pushes the limits. The one who isnt afraid to stand out from the norm.

For me, I am one of those who hides behind the mirror. I only show what people need to see but in honesty. I dream of a world were nothing is real. Everything is not what it should be. I want to see what my creative world would be in reality, where people are not restricted to gender roles, or ruled by the stigma of madness.  

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
 That is according to Einstein. So who is to say that someone is insane when they really arent. We all dream every day, every night expecting a different outcome; is that insane? No. It's what life is all about.

What would it be like to live in a world, where no one was deemed mad, insane, or crazy? Were no-one judges you for the weird things you say, do, wear. To live in a world were I am restricted in my ability to dream, to create, to believe is the correct definition of insane.

A Random Quiz

1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, and find line 4. Slowly opens its mouth, and these words come out
2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can, What can you touch?A pillow
3. Before you started this survey, what were you doing? Watching CSI
4. What is the last thing you watched on TV? CSI:Crime Scene Investigation
5. Without looking, guess what time it is. Half 7ish
6. Now look at the clock. What is the actual time? 19:39
7. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?Parents talking
8. When did you last step outside? What were you doing? It was when I came home from work, I stepped outside to play with my dog
9. Did you dream last night?Yes unfortunately
10. Do you remember your dreams?Again yes
11. When did you last laugh? A few hours ago at work
12. Do you remember why / at what?I laughed at my co-workers moving tables and destroying the place :)
13. What is on the walls of the room you are in?Masks
14. Seen anything weird lately? Erm can't recall anything, but my brain is fried so
15. What is the last film you saw?Pictue Perfect with Jennifer Aniston
16. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live?I would live somewhere in the UK or Germany
17. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy? I would buy a brand new car, a house with a walk-in wadrobe filled with loads of clothes.
18. Tell me something about you that most people don't know. I have an obsession with masks and dolls
19. What is the last thing you downloaded onto your computer? Some songs by Halfway Home
20. Last time you swam in a pool?Phwoar must be about four years ago now
21. Type of music you like most? Mostly the alternative stuff
22. Type of music you dislike most?RAVE!!!!!!
23. What was the last thing you bought?A KitKat Chunky Caramel
24. Have you ever ridden on a motorbike?Nope but I want to :)
25. If you could eat lunch with one famous person, who would it be?Jared Leto or Synyster Gates
26. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card?New Look
27. What time is bed time?Any time I get tired
28. How many tattoos do you have?Eight with one upcoming
29. Do you carry a donor card?Yes I do and I'm proud of it
30. Who was the last person you ate dinner with? No one :(
31. Is the glass half empty or half full?Depends what mood I'm in
32. What's the farthest-away place you've been? Gran Canaria
33. Have you ever won a trophy? Yes in primary school year 6
34. Are you a good cook?It depends what I'm cooking
35. How many keys on your key ring?Too many to count and then some
36. What kind of car do you drive?None ate the moment, but soon to be a fiat punto
37. What are your best physical features?My eyes and smile apparently
38. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation where would you go?Florida, Paris or Venice

That Little Trip

Recently me and my best friend Emma went to Amsterdam to celebrate her 21st birthday. Yeah she is classed as old now :).

It was crazy how excited we were to be finally going on holiday without parental or any type of adult supervision. A three day cruise without any rules and curfews from parents. There was one problem though, I had no idea if I got sea-sick or not. What a way to find out. When the ferry left the port, I was so happy that I never felt any sickness, and in my moment of joy I rang my mother. Bad idea. I never realised how fast the boat would go at that moment in time. Turns out I do get sea-sick.

How does one go about curing oneself? Oh yes, visit the help desk. This is how that convesation went:
Me: Excuse me, could I have a se-sickness tablet please?
Crew Member(CM): What's the matter like?
Me: I feel sick since I got here
Emma: Yeah been feeling sick we got on the ferry
CM: Oh so your sea-sick...here take that
******
Me: Well I'm sure I told him I was sea-sick

That conversation was pointless I know.

I wont detail every minute and every hour of our trip just some fun parts.

1) We got crazily drunk on the first night.

2) We got lost in Amsterdam

3) Emma nearly got ran over by a tram lol :P
(sorry no pic for that)

4) I nearly got ran over by a bike
(no pic for that either)

5) We visited a sex museum

6) Me and Emma tried a chocolate brownie :)
That was a bad experience and I never wish to do it again :(

7) I wanted to adopt a turtle but Emma did instead

8) We did the Titanic even though Emma's mam told us not too

9) Visited the Red Light District and bought a T-shirt :)

(yes the phot was taken in England but it was the only photo showing off the t-shirt)





10) Finally we were back in Newcastle Port and I was so happy to see English soil

I need a....

change in life.

So today was real sunny, like my garden just trapped the sun completely. No breeze. Just the sun and me on my lounger. Yet it was during this lovely sunbathing session when I realised how much I have let myself go. None of my shorts fit me, though weirdly my top half hasn't changed that much considering I can still fit in my bikini from five year ago :/. Back to my main point, my constant eating now has transformed my tummy into a monster. For this reason I will start my diet and excercise as soon as this week is over with. That way I can consume as much junk as I want before I give it up.


It is not just my eating habits that I wish to change, I am getting bored of the same hair colour and ame hairstyle. I think I have done very well lately, letting my hair grow and get back to its normal healthy state; but it is annoying me so much.

So here's to a new me. Hopefully

 

Life's a Bitch

 Then you marry one....

I have caught myself in the middle of a predicament again. I finally thought I had got out of a sticky situation with two people last week, but as my luck would have it one person would not let go. For once I wish I had the guts to tell people how I feel without feeling guilty of the consequences. Yet through this I think I have finally found someone who will put up with my high-maintenance self :). I once stated that I would never go back out with my ex, but somehow fate had won and that's exactly what has happened. I am not complaining though. He's sweet and funny, and knows how to handle my distance.

My weird love-life aside, university life is going great. I have a conditional offer at Sunderland for my teaching course. Hopefully, I will be able to reach the requirements and earn the right to keep my position. Also its not long till I can get my new baby...my first car. I am so excited. I will finally be free; well as free as the petrol allowance will let me be haha.

That's it for now, I have essays and a dissertation to take my mind off the upcoming week :/
That will be a post for later.

A Little Piece of Quiet...

....is all I fricking ask for!

Sunday is the worst day of the week ever. Work requires me to be up at 6.15am so I can set off at 6.45an to get to work for 7.45am. It is not so much the getting up that causes me problems, but its the effects that is has on my day. I do not function before 10am; I can just barely stand up and produce coherent sentences.My shift finishes at roughly 12.15pm so the shift itself is not that bad, it is either a) the customers during my shift or b) what happens when I get home.

My bus is normally late on a Sunday, arriving ten minutes after it states on the timetable. So if one was to add multiple roadworks and temporary traffic lights in to the mix, I get annoyed. Luckily I don't have to wait around for dinner, as my mum is lovely and cooks it for when I walk through the door. My Sunday Roast was delicious today so no complaints there. About 2pm every Sunday I like to have a nap; 6.15am Sunday mornings and Monday mornings mean they are necessary. My naps are where I shall be complaining.

Really is it necessary to open and close the same door multiple times in the space of five minutes (that is no exaggeration). What the hell is so important in the fridge or freezer that you need to visit it so many goddamn times. Other days the noise that is made does not bother me, but nap time equals quiet time. So stop disturbing me.  Oh another thing, when I get my own house I want a house that isn't attached to another. I don't want neighbours. The walls are so thin, that I can hear my neighbour, scrape the chairs across the either tiled or linoleum flooring in the kitchen, or the stomping of elephant feet up the stairs. I can even tell who the culprit of the latter is. He is well known for the unnecessary loudness of his speech, his music and his walking. Oh don't forget the giggles after he sneezes. Might as well blow the roof off the house while your there mate!

I know it seems like I'm asking for too much, but I get shouted at all the time for making noise when my mother is asleep. Hello, please even the same courtesy back please. And my neighbours please tell your grandson to shut the f*ck up!

Rant over.
Off to try and have a nap.
P.s I am tired so I get annoyed more easily at unnecessary things.
(As I typed this, the neighbours door slammed that hard by room shook, and is constantly banging that I do not have clue what is going on!)

Falling down

What a good few weeks I have had. It all began about three weeks ago when I went over on my ankle. I refused treatment due to previous experience. My left ankle has a lot of fractures that havent healed correctly. So in turn I have a very weak ankle which means a lot of falling over.
These past three weeks have been pure agony. I never rested my ankle as I should have because of a busy schedule. A week later I twisted it again and the stairs at work. And on Tuesday my ankle gave out on the way down my home stairs and I ended up falling and completey bruised my back, bottom and some how my stomach. I even grazed my nose. Two days later and I still feel like I've been hit by a truck.
I think its time to visit a&e I think.

Cause it's all in my head.

Well apparently it is anyway.

After many years google has actually diagnosed me correctly in match with my doctor's diagnosis.
I'm not sure when it started but I remember each day becoming worse at meal times. I would sit in my normal place in the living room, processing the food in my mouth when I would notice a family member eating quite loudly. Now this family member does have manners but for some reason, it just started to annoy me. Id give him slight looks as to say "please eat a bit quieter" but it didn't work. Then after that any noise would begin to aggravate me. The breathing through ones nose felt like someone breathing deeply into my ear. When one would sigh abnormally when moving or just through boredom, it felt like my nerves were on fire. Suddenly any noise would become annoying. My mother has sinus problems and hay fever so she sniffs quite regularly, yet to me it seemed that it was too often and unnecessary to do so.

It wasn't just my family members that aggravated me, I found it quite hard to be around people when they ate. Even people on a train sneezing, coughing, sighing. Any noise possible made me feel angry and I needed to run away and hide. I found myself distancing from everyone and locking myself up in my room. But even then I couldn't escape the noises. When someone would brush their teeth, the running water would driving me to tears. It was like I had become trapped in a nightmare of loudness.

Years passed at the sensitivity to noises became worse. Now every time someone eats, smacks their lips, breathes slightly heavier than normal etc. I actually imagine myself shaking them or hitting them to be quiet. I have even cried myself at night cause I cannot stand to be around my family sometimes.

One day, my mam jokingly suggested I look up my "annoyance at noises" on Google and I came across the term 'Misophonia'. I thought it was a made up disorder at first but through extensive research, I realised this was a real thing. Many times I believed I was being selfish, fussy, or just plain moody, but instead there was an answer to my problems. I even read real life experiences and joined a Facebook group on the disorder, and suddenly I didn't feel so alone in the world.

Yet those who suffer with Misophonia deal with the problem I have everyday; people who laugh, mock and ignore what we have. It is a real disorder and it is not something to take lightly. Even many doctors believe there is no such thing. But how can so many people suffer with Misophonia and still be ignored and dismissed so easily. One day I hope this disorder can be treated successfully, instead of being passed around from one doctor to another who clearly don't have a clue. Until then, I will have to deal with society. I do not want to suffer in silence for the rest of my life.

Bucketlist :)

1. See the Northern Lights (Aurora Borealis)
2. Visit Paris
3. Tour Italy
4. Get into my PCET course
5. Pass my driving test
6. Sleep under the stars
7. Learn to Ice Skate
8. Send a message in a bottle
9. See a Cirque du Soleil show
10. Learn a foreign language 
11. See a Broadway Musical
12. Learn Sign Language
13. Buy my first car
14. Complete my dissertation to the standard that I can achieve
15. Write another chapter for my story
16. Visit a volcano
17. Stop cursing like a sailor before I start my placement
18. Pass my PCET course
19. Finish off my leg piece 
20. Live on my own
21. Earn over £1000 a month
22. Buy a new car (say goodbye to Philly the Punto)
23. Get that teaching job I have always wanted
24. Become a mentor 
25. See the sun set in a foreign country
26. Live a year away from my parents.
27. Visit London

More will appear when I can think of things, and will be crossed out when completed: Pictures  for proof will be posted here:

Bucket-List number 5.

Facts of Life

After reading a blog from a father who lost his little boy to a Rhabdoid tumour, and knowing that I lost my favourite aunty in 2011, it came to my attention that the life I'm living is just as short as the 24 hours in a day. Who cares that the end of the world is near. Who cares that the Mayan Calender ended this year. Who cares that a super-volcano may erupt and cause a nuclear winter, block out the sun and potentially kill of the human race one by one. What I do care is that life needs to be lived for each minute in each hour in each day.
It may seem that every time someone dies that I think life should not be taken or granted, but after some thinking I feel as though I need to act on the things I say I will do. So after I publish this post, I will get to work on my "bucket-list". I am aware that I am not dying but what is to say that I wont die tomorrow, or the next day or the next. No one is ever sure. Life is one thing that us humans cannot predict, and even if we could, I wouldn't want to know. How could you live with yourself knowing what was to happen. Even if you tried to change the way it happened, and managed to succeed. Something equally as drastic would just take its place.

Happy New Year :)

Well folks its officially 1.1.2012 and let the end off the world nonsense commence. We all know that the rapture and other absurd predictions are going to be happening throught the year. God help us all when December comes about.....lol. cant wait for the panic! Not.