What is in a name?

What is in a change?
What?
Why?

I do not know much about much these days, but for some reason I wish to change. Or more precisely, wish for a change. That change began with a new title for my blog. Why? I am not sure. Perhaps, I am becoming more muchier than I once was, and that my love for Alice will still be around, but I do need to grow up into an adult. To some people, living on their own, finding a new place to live may not be a big deal to them; to me it is. A new job, a new apartment, everything is new. A change. I have never had to pay for bills, bar a phone bill. I have never had to depend solely upon myself. Yes I am independent, but that is different. I now have become an adult. I no longer have the opportunity to act like a brat within reason. I have to be responsible.

Is that the change I wish for? No not really.

I'm not particularly sure what change I want. All I know is that the upcoming academic year will either make me or break me. I hope it is the former, I have no back up plan to rely on if my world falls down around me.

Let me dream forever....

In the shadows it awakes the desire
But you know that you can't realize
And the pressure will just keep rising
Now the heat is on
                                                          Within Temptation - Where is the edge?

As usual I had that dream again last night, and surprisingly it had lasted a little bit longer. I have copied the dream into this post and I will continue from there.

As I stared out to the ocean before me, I could feel someone's eyes boring into my back. I slowly faced towards him and I could his eyes begging for me to take his out-stretched hand. My body seemed to know what it wanted as my legs started to move towards him. The closer I stepped towards him, the more my body felt alive. Why was I reacting this way? He must have decided that I was taking too long to reach him, as he moved so quickly his body was pressed against mine. Soon as we touched it had felt like time had stopped. His hand grazed against my cheek, and with a sweet caress I melted into him. I gazed into his soulful eyes; I knew I was home. Without any warning his lips swept across mine. 

I reciprocated the kiss, and I could feel the power radiating from him. Dominance. That was what he wanted. In that moment I was willing to surrender to him. My control was slipping away. In one swift movement, I was placed upon a blanket. Surrounded by the calm, gentle waves and only the moonlight glow in sight, I realised we were most definitely alone. With my heart pounding, I could make out the features off his face. Finally I could see what he looked like, but once I saw his eyes, I was lost. I moved my hand to reach out to him, to bring him closer to me, but his grip stilled my movement. His lips parted and a small word was released. 'Patience'. Patience for what. My body was getting restless. Was I to wait for him to make the first movement. I couldn't wait. I needed him. I tried to speak but my words were stuck in my throat. The grip on my body was liberated, his hands moved slowly from my waist up to my face, and a finger was placed upon my lips. Gazing at his face, I noticed a crooked smile. What game were we playing. I was prey for the lion, for him. He had hunted me and now he wanted to toy with me. 

And that was as far as I got. I have a rough idea who this guy is but hopefully tonight I will dream more and my suspicions will be confirmed.

10 Things I Hate about You

I hate the way you talk to me,
And the way you cut your hair...

So here is my list:

1. I hate that you the way you dress
2. I hate the way you smile
3. I hate that you're always depressed/angry
4. I hate that you have no goal in life
5. I hate that you give no passion
6. I hate that you lied to me
7. I hate the fact you never turned me on (yes I faked it)
8. I hate the way you live your life
9. I hate the way you didn't attempt to see me
10. I hate everything about you.