Emigrating: 2 Months to go

In response to my leaving, I have decided to spend the rest of my random blogging days talking about my upcoming move. However, my mind is now determined to make me actually realise what I am about to do.The reason for my move is that I have accepted a teaching job in Madar International School teaching English (The actual subject - in the British Curriculum) to Grade 4 learners. The school looks amazing. So I have compiled a pro's and con's list to me emigrating 4165 miles across the world to Al Ain (yes I have told people it's Dubai, but that is the nearest city that people would know) in the UAE.

PRO'S:

• It will be a 'once in a lifetime' experience
• Get to live another culture
• Finally grow up and become independent
• Have a secure job
• All expenses paid for

 CON'S:

• Again 4165 miles away is a lot when I may need mummy or daddy
• I will have to leave my family behind
• Covering up all the time will be a pain (at first)
• I will be on my own in a foreign country
• I hate flying
• I hate injections

 That is all I can think of for the time being, I will add more when I can. However, no matter how long the con list might be, I will still move. The only fear I have is not passing the qualification check. It might sound silly to some as I will have a teaching degree, but knowing my luck I would have the wrong one.
 So for the next two months I will be gong through all the necessary checks, medical included. Hopefully I wont contract HIV/Aids or TB in the following months. That will definitely ruin my plans. It is now just a waiting game. Waiting for the contract to be signed, attested and then I shall be heading the airport to collect my tickets. Not long now. Maybe in another month I shall update my progress. I have packed some of my checked-luggage, and part of my hand-luggage. Just need to buy a few more things (including a suitcase) and I shall be sorted. Oh and I must definitely not forget the sun block...I'd hate to turn into a lobster straight away.

qui amatorios affectu part 1

Or that erotic feeling...

No this is not a post about sex, or anything pertaining to it- almost- but in fact this is a post about why I get addicted to tattoos. I figured this out from a weird dream I had last night...

 I woke up in a tattoo parlour snuggled into the tattooist. We moved slowly and sensually to the shower were we lathered each other in soap, exploring each other. He asked me to allow him to tattoo me again. "To mark you" he said...

That's all I'm telling of my dream but it made me think. Some people say that a kiss on the neck (or a bite) is erotic, making a mark of possession. Well for me tattoos are my mark. Someone taking their time to mark my skin with their design. To draw their art on to my skin is erotic to me. I've never felt pain* with any of my tattoos, but a sense of pleasure, almost sending me into a peaceful state. To feel that gun score my skin, being forever etched is a way for me to be seduced. 

The above may sound weird but it's not an addiction for me. I could stop getting tattooed at any point, to move on to something else. Spend my money else where. But the feeling I get from the tattoo is almost like an aphrodisiac. 

I will add more to this post when I get my next tattoo. When I can really think about how it makes me feel.  But for now the memory of the art upon my skin shall have to see me through. 

* Yes I do feel pain if I have been tattooed for a long time in one session. But the beginning and the end are such a sensualistic experience that I need to feel again.

In the name of...

...love

To let someone go because you loved them and it seemed like the right thing to at the time, is just utter bullsh*t. In my defence, I do believe that I loved him but I never let him go because of that. I let him go because of silly insecurities that got too much. Silly thoughts that crept into my mind way too many times every day.

How is it possible to let a thought consume so much of my daily life is surely baffling. But it's not just this that has my life all in a tizz. January 9th, saw me break my foot after a night out. From then I went through the stages of anger, self-pity, stress, and depression; just in a total of four weeks. It was during this time that I finally had a grasp on my life, of what I actually wanted. The list is as follows:

1) A career. Yes surely that is a given but I actually want to teach. My placement at HMP Durham has been a real eye opener. To see those turn to crime because of their upbringing, or as a student told me "they never got the chance to go to school and stay there", was shocking. I left one lesson with a smile on my face as one had stated " I really enjoyed that lesson Miss, I felt like I learnt something". It made me feel proud, like I had accomplished something.

2) A family. Someday I want to settle down with my own boyfriend/partner/husband, with whatever children I am blessed with. Again, the near loss of my nana opened my eyes to how cruel life can be. One minute your on the road to recovery, just to take what seems like 10 steps back, towards death's door again. Hopefully, my nana will get better soon, and positive energy will be restored into the family. It feels like the full family is drained emotionally. Events like this do make you appreciate what you have, and that you can't take life for granted. Even if it is short, you have to live it.

3) My life. I want to live a life that is mine. Dreams and goals that are mine. But this also includes having a healthy life. I don't want to be really skinny again, that's not me. I just want to be happy and free. I suppose I will feel that way again once the stress of waiting on test results passes, and when my Nana is home again. I want to find happiness with someone. Someone who will let me have my insecurities, but will help me through them, instead of dismissing them like they are nothing. Someone to understand that I need a compromise, not me putting in all the effort to make something work.  Someone that understands I need my space.

I could write a conclusion to this post but its not necessary. I am what I am, and what I want I will achieve. Someday.

Defending Arts and Humanities

Hermeneutics - Traditional hermeneutics is the study of the interpretation of written texts, especially texts in the areas of literature, religion and law.

I was currently browsing the Education sector of The Telegraph and once again a battle of the subjects is raging hot again. It appears that Arts and Humanities are being described as 'useless in the real world ', and here is an interesting point:
however courses such as philosophy and English Literature contribute very little to our economy

I am all for sharing opinions and agreeing that every one has a right to one, but some are pretty darn stupid. Here is why...

Without Philosophy, many of today questions would be unanswered. I am aware I have no background in terms of education with Philosophy, but every one has questions and thoughts about the world. Without it we would simply not be human. As for our economy, the economy runs on questions such as What if? , and If we do this, what would happen? etc.

Now for my background on English Literature.

English literature comes under the headings of Arts, Humanities, and Hermeneutics. Without studying Literature, one would not be able to possess the ability to argue, persuade, defend etc. many laws would be unfinished, religion would not be understandable, and the economy would be different. There are many levels of studying texts, and it contributes a lot more to the economy than the above person thinks. Literature is not just about plays, poetry, novels; it also involves texts such as posters, leaflets, magazines etc. The way you read a newspaper links to the art of study. You scan to read what is important then you make your own opinions, assumptions. That is Literature at its basic. Science uses Literature; take that away and occupations that follow science would be rendered useless.
Without the teachers of English Literature, many people would simply not be able to function in the real world.
So next time you say English Literature is 'useless'. Think again.

Another Little Quiz

1. What is your best friend's name? Emma

2. Where is the weirdest place you have a mole? I have one randomly on my palm.

3. Who was the hottest teacher you ever had? oooo this is a toughy, probably Mr Thompson, one of my old Chemistry teachers, or perhaps Mr Brown, an old Maths teacher.

4. Do you have an innie or an outtie? I have an innie :)

5. Have you ever been tied up? Do you want to be? I've been tied up once, and I would like to do it again sometime ;)

6. Do you parallel park or drive around the block? I drive around the block, or look for another space

7. Who is the last person you usually think about before you fall asleep? My lovely crush

8. Have you ever had a poem or a song written about you? Yeah I have, quite a few in fact!

9. What was your childhood nickname? Fire, Moo-shake, Milly Molly Mandy, I had a few

10. What's the weirdest thing you have done while driving? I changed my shoes once

11. Do you scrunch or fold your toilet paper? Fold

12. Do you have any strange phobias? Spiders, Blood, Thunder, Lightning

13. What is the stupidest thing you've ever done at a bar? Too many things to write down

14. Have you ever been drunk at work? Plenty of times.

15. Have you ever found your date's/lover's brother or sister more attractive? Once or twice.

It's Not the End of the World.

Or is it?

Well according to my dream, it may well be.

It was any other normal day at work, just casually pretending to do something productive, when I randomly answer my phone in the middle of the store. It was my brother calling stating that my mother wanted me to come and spend the last final hours on Earth with her. I must have known before I  went to work that the world was going to end as I simply told her to calm down and look after my brother, I was going to be ok. All of a sudden my dream flashed to the sun burning in all its glory heading into the Earth's atmosphere. It was near. I knew it, and so did my bosses. Yet we chose to spend our last moments arranging the clothing rails in order. I sent a final text to my mother saying I loved her, and that we will meet again somewhere. I told my boss that this was where I wanted to be and that I enjoyed working. Me, a female boss, and a male boss seemed to have come to terms with the fact that death was near, since we appeared to be calm. We appeared to be content.

Then I woke up.  I was slightly worried that this was really going to happen, and I got myself into a real tizz about it. After a few moments, being real close to tears and scared for my life, I burst out laughing. Not only have had this dream before, and I noticed it was december 2012, my crush had appearend in this dream. That's when I knew I should never eat before going to sleep.

Maybe This Time..

I know I say this every week at least once, but this time I have promised myself to continue with my goal.  Apparently it's bad luck to start a diet on a Monday, though I do not know the reason for that. So in light of this, I am starting mine on a Tuesday. However, I am not going to diet as such, but cut down on the amount of food I eat. I eat when I'm bored, emotional, tired, or whenever really; which is ironic cause its making me depressed when I can't fit into my favourite pair of jeans. I am going to keep track of my calorie intake to a suitable level. I even have an app on my phone to help me along the way. Since the average intake for women is round about 2000, I am going to cut mine to 1400, as well as increasing my amount of exercise.

But it is not just my lifestyle that I am going to change, I am also changing my attitude. After speaking to a friend, I have found out that I am quite an intimidating, stuck up bitch - yet this does not seem to be me at all. So as from tomorrow Miss Melissa Rose is going to change, hopefully, and maybe it will be for the better and not for the worst.