Maybe This Time..

I know I say this every week at least once, but this time I have promised myself to continue with my goal.  Apparently it's bad luck to start a diet on a Monday, though I do not know the reason for that. So in light of this, I am starting mine on a Tuesday. However, I am not going to diet as such, but cut down on the amount of food I eat. I eat when I'm bored, emotional, tired, or whenever really; which is ironic cause its making me depressed when I can't fit into my favourite pair of jeans. I am going to keep track of my calorie intake to a suitable level. I even have an app on my phone to help me along the way. Since the average intake for women is round about 2000, I am going to cut mine to 1400, as well as increasing my amount of exercise.

But it is not just my lifestyle that I am going to change, I am also changing my attitude. After speaking to a friend, I have found out that I am quite an intimidating, stuck up bitch - yet this does not seem to be me at all. So as from tomorrow Miss Melissa Rose is going to change, hopefully, and maybe it will be for the better and not for the worst.

Analyse that Raunchy Dream

So I'm going to give a shot at analysing my dream just because I'm sick of dreaming about this guy. Here's the dream:

There's me and this  member of staff from one of my jobs, lets call him Bill. See I sort of like Bill but it is a well know fact that me and Bill will not work out. I start having this same dream about Bill, we are at work when I randomly start calling him abusive names. Then all of a sudden Bill grabs me at the waist and starts to tickle me, confusing much? But that's not it, the dream takes a sudden turn and we end up practically doing it at work. Yet we appear to be invisible to others, as customers and other members of staff just walk right past us. I mean the sex is just pure lust, however he is very attentitive and loveable, almost showing me a side of him that I never see at work.

And here is the analysis:

Chances are this dream is as simple as a good-old fashioned attraction to your boss. Yes, you most likely want to have sex with him. And whether or not you make this dream a reality is up to you and your boss. Although I would advise exercising extreme caution before proceeding ahead with any kind of involvement with him (for all of the obvious reasons).
All real logistics aside, in the case of sex dreams, I would ask, “Why are you having sex with this person specifically and what might they represent?” Sometimes in dreams we are getting it on with someone we find sexy in real life, but oftentimes it’s with someone we are not attracted to in the least. Sex is a merger of bodies and identities. So what qualities about your boss might you want to inhabit more in your own life and career? Power? Success? Leadership? For example, I had a friend who was complaining about a particularly repulsive string of sex dreams about her boss, who she hates. After exploring the dreams some more, she realized that the dreams were really about how the two of them had opposite work styles that complemented each other. Once she got passed disliking him so much, she realized that they made a good team and was, of course, totally relieved when the sex dreams stopped.
The frequency and intensity of these dreams indicate that they may also be a commentary about how passion, drive, and desire manifest themselves in your life. I don’t know what you do for a living or how fulfilled you feel by it, but the fact that you are having reoccurring dreams about having sex with your boss makes me think you have an extreme attitude about work. Either you feel “orgasmic” about it or you wish you did. And how does your work life compare to your home life? Is it equally fulfilling? How are they unbalanced?
A word of advice: If you can see past your actual sexual desire for your boss to the essence of your attraction to him, there will be a valuable message waiting for you.



So hopefully these sex dreams will disappear if I look past the sex part right? Let's fricking hope so!

Part 2...

       Dream number 2 has left me a bit worried. A crush on a member of staff is not going to go well at all, especially when this member of staff is a new addition to the team. My dream was all smiles and tickles - quite literally! What type of guy grabs his co-worker into a hug and starts tickling her in front of customers, very unprofessional. Yet this made me realise nothing would ever happen since it would be very unprofessional indeed. As much as it makes me think, it still hurts especially when another co-worker quite openly state that she would love to be his new gf or something. You know when you get that feeling that your heart sinks into your stomach, yeah that's how I felt when I heard this piece of gossip.

      Oh I also have a bit of a dilemma on my hands. I've been short-listed for a place in Korea doing a TESL course but the problem is that the course starts in March, but my PC-ET course won't have finished in time. Do I waste £8,500 for a chance that I might never get again, but end up getting homesick. Or do I continue with this PC-ET and hope that I can somehow teach abroad at another time. I'm currently trying to persuade my course tutor that I can do both courses at the same time. Crazy idea I know. Lets just hope it works.

Sweet Dreams are Made of Sex and Music

At least you'll have nice thoughts of me
When I'm cheating on you in your dreams
I told you before, my closet's clean
And that these bones don't belong to me
-Playing the Blame Game by You Me at Six

So without further ado.....

Dream number 1

This one night I find myself reliving a staff night out and meeting this stranger across the dance floor. Now some of you may remember the events from a previous post about secrets being made, however the person in those secrets was not my mystery stranger. In fact, this person just happened to be my new crush, maybe it was because of the dream that he became my crush I am not sure but anyway back to the dream. So there I was mid dance with my colleagues from work when this stranger made his way towards me; exactly how a lion stalks his prey. His eyes pierced mine, silently hypnotising me. His hand slowly extended closer to mine, gripping tightly so I could never run. All of a sudden I was pulled into a hold that had me captive. I could not escape, not that I wanted to it seemed. The world around me disappeared, it was just me and my beautiful predator. His hold of me felt tighter and tighter, no space between us. The next thing I knew I was laying on my back, on a soft cloud with him above me. With his hand softly stroking my cheek, he whispered words of velvet seduction. His gaze caressed my body, making me feel like I was covered in silk.....
And that's were I'm leaving it, as I am not particularly into writing public x-rated words. I think that you know what happens next. Oh and a side note, my crush is not a stranger, but a beautiful and condescending prick. 

Closure

Today's post is a letter to someone who I know will most definitely read this. However if they don't its fine. It's more of a letter of closure. A way to forget the past.

"Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it’s better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together."
by Unknown

I'm not sorry for loving you, but I am sorry for not loving you enough to try and make it work. It's hard for me to make things work when you label the relationship. I'm sorry I couldn't tell you to your face its over, but I'm not sorry for leaving you. There is no point in writing harsh words, or airing dirty secrets; but I have no choice to say what I have to. I can't invest in making time for something that has been on and off for three years. If it never worked then, we should have walked away from each other years ago. For the sake of my heart its why I'm walking away now.  You deserve to be happy, with someone who loves you the right way. So maybe I'll see you around one day and I'll say hi, but for now you are no longer going to be running through my head. It's time for me to focus on my life and not the what-ifs that you come with.

Im sorry

10 Things I Hate about You

I hate the way you talk to me,
And the way you cut your hair...

So here is my list:

1. I hate that you the way you dress
2. I hate the way you smile
3. I hate that you're always depressed/angry
4. I hate that you have no goal in life
5. I hate that you give no passion
6. I hate that you lied to me
7. I hate the fact you never turned me on (yes I faked it)
8. I hate the way you live your life
9. I hate the way you didn't attempt to see me
10. I hate everything about you.
    

Crush, Crush, Crush

“I didn't want to kiss you goodbye — that was the trouble — I wanted to kiss you good night — and there's a lot of difference.” 
― Ernest Hemingway


I am seriously fed up with men right now. Maybe it's my fault since I'm slightly high maintainence, or apparently a stuck up bitch; but if the opposite sex decided to help out instead of making me do all the work, then I wouldn't have this problem. Yes, I have a car; but that does not mean that I will do all the travelling. Oh and posting things on a certain social network site with another girl just makes me hate you, and want to forget you. However, this is not the main issue I have. There is this one guy that gets under my skin in a very annoying way, and is driving me insane; yet a sort of crush is developing. We met and an instant dislike was made. Talking to me like a child instantly put him in my bad books, but recently his company hasn't been too bad.  It's not like I can tell the guy since it would be highly innappropriate, what with work and his possible other half. Also work is kind of awkward as it is at the moment.
As for the quote, I have never kissed my crush at all, never mind goodbye or goodnight, but it sort of represents how I feel right now. Oh and the dreams are worth going to sleep for. Though the dreams are for another post.

Why Bother?

So stressed out right now, and it seems like nothing is going right for me. Love life sucks, work is depressing me, and uni is going down the drain. Lets break things up and go into a bit more detail.

1) Work:

Well, for one thing not enough hours at work annoys me then when I get the hours,  I get pissed off. Urgh can't win at all.  Though I'm not surprised since I wreck the place with my clumsiness. Monday saw me stabbing my thumb repeatedly with the pins, ripped my nail off, walked into a wall of bike boxes, fell over a stand. The list is endless.

2) Uni:

Placement hasn't started yet and I'm already freaking out. I'm behind every one in terms of experience and I'm dreading my micro-teach next week. I have no idea what to do.

3) Love-life:

Well, that one is a bummer. And all my friend said was that I need to get laid. How eloquent and nice. Though it might actually help, I'm not in the mood for shitty guys.


I just can't be bothered for anything at the moment, except for a good night out on the town and let loose abit. 

Boost up those brochure sales by pimping out your staff!

Well. That is all I have to say. Today was clearly one of those good days, were I don't look like a right mess at work. So it all started with an idea to boost up the Christmas brochures and B4L. I always do badly, that's a given when I'm at work, so here was a tip given to me by a friend...

"Make a sign that for every brochure a customer buys, they will be entered in a draw for a date with a member of staff (the customer can even choose which person). Or just pimp someone out completely"

Yeah cause that will work. Apparantly it does as I am getting pimped out already.

First there was a young gentleman who gave me a flirty smile and was eyeing me up (according to another member of staff), and he was darn good-looking too. Then a boy who must have been about 12 or 13 was a right charmer. He handed me the money with a right swagger calling me darl, yeah his dad taught him well. He will be a right heart-throb when he is older. Bless.

So that was a good day at work. The full day of flirting my way through sales.

Oh as a side note, I also managed to knock down a sign at work by throwing a ball.

All in one day ey.

Just Another Night Out

It was a staff night out and of course there was drama, love life being tested, and of course new secrets to be told. I for one found out many things last night, which was oddly reminiscent of last years staff night. Now I cannot go into too much detail just in case certain eyes read this, but it turns out my secret from last year was not so much a secret at all.Which is a good thing sort of, but I hope things don't get awkward. Though I did enjoy last night considerably more, and I did find out that men are complete perves! I suppose it was my own fault for opening my mouth about tattoos and piercings. Yes I made a tit (haha) out of myself. Hey who cares though cause it was all the drinks' fault.
I wonder what happens the next time I see everyone.