Shining through the Clouds.

“One ought, every day at least, to hear a little song, read a good poem, see a fine picture, and, if it were possible, to speak a few reasonable words.”  ― Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, Wilhelm Meister's Apprenticeship

To survive this life, it is important to find the value in the storm. Yet, the truth is, everyone struggles. Life and Death serve a purpose, one that can be hidden by the clouds, and it is up to the indiviual to find that value. It is not enough to merely wish for the storm to pass, but to find the beauty with in it - the sun. It may take days, months, even years, but that moment will shine through.

My sunshine was found hidden within me; yes that is probably the most cliched sentence ever used in the history of the English Language, yet it deems itself true. One cannot move on without looking at oneself in the mirror and seeing the beauty of Life inside. A heart so close to being blackened and cold forever, found content and joy in the simplest of everyday pleasures. It was so easy for me to be cold and unforgiving when the cards gave out so much darkness, and turning those storms into light was harder to do.  Yet somehow, I found it - the reason to breathe each morning, the reason not to use a fake smile - it was myself. 

At the age of 25, I still have a lot of the world to see. However, I am finally happy with the life I am living; a Year 2 teacher living in the UAE.  That was definitely not something expected of me when I was back at school. I had to prove a lot of people wrong. I became a teacher to help nurture and challenge the young minds of the future, but also let them know that they can become whatever they want, no matter what someone else thinks. They can create their own sunshine. 

I will not be out here in the UAE forever, I hope to bring that little bit of happiness back to the UK, back to my home. I always said I needed a reason to go back, love and family, but I know I am going back for me. It's where I belong. Another year out in the Middle East, and the door on this storm will be closed but not forgotten. I have made many wonderful and shiny memories, friendships may not last but they were needed and blessed. They made me who I am today. Each event taught me to stay true to myself, to be content in what I have, no need to search for something that was not necessary. 

It may be so that my anxiety and depression will always follow me around, but it lets me know I am only human. Soon as I forgot who I am,when the clouds take over, I know it is time to open a new book, listen to a new song and I will come back to me. 

Life is strangely beautiful - it takes one decision to alter the path you are on, but don't question it. Take that chance, follow your instinct, and do all the other cheesy life quotes that go with this. Life is meant to be lived, it is meant to be enjoyed. Find that reason and make it your sunshine. You have the right to enjoy it. Don't spend your time thinking of the what if's, go for it! I really don't want to end this post cheesier than my nachos at Paco's but what they say is true.You have sunshine on a cloudy day!

Now to find someone to share my sunshine with. 

Melissa

That Whatsapp Message. (previously When it Hurts)

This life offers many paths for you to choose from, yet hindsight into which one to walk down would be more beneficial. Imagine all the bad choices suddenly taken away, no longer available. The right choices so crystal clear every thing else comes easier. If only.

Instead life likes to throw you curve balls, making sure you aren't too happy or too sad. It can be exciting but when emotions of other people it can be, for a lack of a better word, fucking impossible to navigate.  How hard is it to tell someone how you feel about them. Screw the consequences! You may have been down that path with the same person for many years, but each time you discover something new about each other. Time passes by and you keep thinking about the one that got away. That person just sits there in the back of your head and you wonder what if. What if you could meet up one more time? What if you kissed? Would it feel the same? Would it be different? What if you could give it one more shot? What if this time it worked out?  But life doesn't work that way. No instead it's a one way ticket to those thoughts. The other person doesn't really think the same about you. What's done is done. Your heart breaks at the thought of it. That's it one path has been walked down and then destroyed. Even though you don't want to. You want to scream at them, tell them how much you care.

Yet it won't change anything.

You want him to fight for you, tell you that he feels the same. You want him to tell you that he understands your riddled with anxiety and you are simply protecting yourself by pulling away. You want him to message you telling you that he will wait. But that will never happen. You have gone pas the point of no return now. That silly message saying you can't talk to him just proves nothing has changed from the last time you saw each other. That you will only end up hurting him like you did many years ago.

You keep playing the last memory you had of each other, wrapped up in a little bubble, ignoring reality. Adult life always seems to complicate things and axiety and depression likes to seep in there too sometimes. You think to yourself, you should have told him there and then that you want him to be there in the summer. You want him and only him  - his flaws included. But that will never happen
Instead you chose to let him go. Not give him a choice in the matter. Not let him tell his side, his feelings even if it is difficult for him. He has to protect his self too. Now all that is left, is let him find a new love. Someone that will care for him better than you can. Even if it kills you, you have to let it go.

Choose another path to walk down darling, cause when it hurts, you are still alive. 

Give Me a Time Frame.

It's amazing how one little thing can totally change your outlook on life. Whether it's that person you smile to on the way to work, the little cuss word that you weren't supposed to say or something negative that you weren't expecting. Last week was full of little happenings that turned into a chain of catastrophic events. Well, catastrophic maybe too harsh but turbulent was definitely the case.

I don't wish to delve into the gory details of my life, but it has changed the way I process my life right now. My emotions are at a PMS level times 1000 which isn't really great for the people I work with. I wish I could tone it down a bit, but my brain isn't good at playing catch up.

For something so draining to happen has changed the way I view myself;  invincible to the things that could go wrong, I envy those that can hold a conversation without being overly emotional. I envy those that can say their life is complete. Mine never will be.

One change in my body has had the worst consequences possible. Finding out you lost something you never thought you could have in the beginning was a low blow to being who I am. I knew things would be hard but no-one really knows how hard until you have to go through it yourself. That's what pisses me off the most. Excuse the profanity but 'it happens for a reason' aint gonna fix my problem. It's not a valid reason. Tell me why it happened then maybe I could accept that excuse, but until then, stop saying it. why give me something just to have it taken away. Yes life would have been difficult afterwards but I would dealt the hand I was given. Now that hand will never be given again, and sure, life never gives the same situation, it has it's slight variation. Yet, I'm pretty certain my variation will never happen; my body cannot adapt to it's new environment.

 And yes, I will be using the excuse I am emotionally unstable right now, cause I am. I will be until my hormones can get back to their normal levels. If there was a handbook on that time frame I would have let you know but until then, suck it up buttercup. Life isn't all sunshine and rainbows, we just have deal and get through the pain, even if that means having to put up with me being happy one minute then angry the next.

Give me a time frame please. 

What is in a name?

What is in a change?
What?
Why?

I do not know much about much these days, but for some reason I wish to change. Or more precisely, wish for a change. That change began with a new title for my blog. Why? I am not sure. Perhaps, I am becoming more muchier than I once was, and that my love for Alice will still be around, but I do need to grow up into an adult. To some people, living on their own, finding a new place to live may not be a big deal to them; to me it is. A new job, a new apartment, everything is new. A change. I have never had to pay for bills, bar a phone bill. I have never had to depend solely upon myself. Yes I am independent, but that is different. I now have become an adult. I no longer have the opportunity to act like a brat within reason. I have to be responsible.

Is that the change I wish for? No not really.

I'm not particularly sure what change I want. All I know is that the upcoming academic year will either make me or break me. I hope it is the former, I have no back up plan to rely on if my world falls down around me.

A Note From MJR to DRG

1. bass

A four stringed instrument, part of the rhythm section in a band. No band is complete without a bassist.

Bass is, after all, the sexiest instrument.

 
What do you get a guy to say thank you for a being a friend? Thank you for feeding my reading habits. Thank you for the comfort you brought with you. Simply just thank you.
My Friend told me that I should accept the gifts as gifts and that some people don't want anything in return. But me being me, I can't take without giving back. So I have placed myself into quite a predicament.

This is nothing you can fix with a tacky fridge magnet or a key-chain. It's more personal than that. Well, unless there was something that said "You had me at your correct use of the apostrophe", but I don't think one exists.

Yet as I'm writing this note, I seem to almost answer my question. What better gift can I give you than the power of words? I promise this isn't a stalker note, I'd rather do that in person.

It's like my first post written in Paco's and this goodbye post has drawn a complete circle around itself. My first was about the beautifully talented Diesel Band I saw back in October. That resulted in a game of who could embarrass who the most. I clearly lost. Ain't No Sunshine was the first time you uttered my name on stage. Calling me out on the post I wrote about you and your band-mates. I should have known then that it would be the start of a weird acquaintance/friendship.

Lines did blur once or twice but outside influences soon corrected the tracks. Some of those influences were logical whereas others were jealousy and psychotic (not naming any names but one happens to be hidden in my name). We knew the truth and that was what mattered the most.

Fast forward a few months and the teasing began once again. This time in the shape of monsters and stalkers. I did some legal research and did you know that pimping is a crime. Unfortunately, your form of pimping didn't involve money so you won't be punished. Before you say "is that still pimping then?", it is.  Giving out a female's name on stage so people will find her on facebook to 'get to know her' is a type of modernised pimping. That wasn't cool man.

It is good to look back and laugh at all the crazy things that have happened though. Crazy to think that in a short while, it will be the last time I will see you. You're leaving for a new destination, playing your bass, breaking new hearts and causing more mayhem along the way.

I wish you all the best in your endeavours, your conquests and your music. I shall end this note the way I ended the first....

Rocking out to Linkin Park and ironically in the end it didn't really matter that I was some ordinary girl sitting in the corner of a bar writing. This is the music. This is me. This is you

Love, 

Melissa (a.k.a MJR)

Six month catch-up with MJR

So what is going on in the life of MJR. To be honest, absolutely nothing. Tumble-weed. Actually, tumble-weed probably has more of a life than I do lately. Let's get back to were I last left off - the honeymoon phase. Well that part didn't last long at all as it was over by October, and depression soon reared its' sad ugly head. Nothing really happened during October-December, just drinking and working. I wasn't really in the mood to do anything. However, during my two week vacation, I visited home and it soon made me realise that life in Al Ain wasn't that bad.  I didn't seem to fit in at home, and the atmosphere was terrible. It was nice seeing my family though, even if I did spend most of the time fighting with my parents or sleeping. Since my return to the UAE, I haven't really thought that much about home. Work has kept me on my toes. 12 weeks without a break has finally taken its toll on me. Work consumes five days of my week, and the last two are used for playing the sleep catch-up game. Nothing productive ever happens on Fridays and Saturdays. Work, eat, sleep. Three words that sum up my life quite perfectly. Thankfully, there are only two weeks left and then its vacation time. A much needed vacation time.

Well so far I have climbed a mountain - albeit in a car. The view was amazing, seeing the whole of Al Ain was a spectacular vision. I also attended the first game in the new Al Ain stadium. I hate football but it was a good day out even if I was hungover. The school also allowed us to attend the Red Bull AirRace in Abu Dhabi. Again I hate planes...but the whole twisting and turning and the aerobatic show afterwards was immense.

It's hard to believe that 6months has gone by, and only 4 months till I can visit the UK again. I can't wait to get a decent social life. My personal life here is quite abysmal. Lent has made it quite hard to enjoy the past 10 days as well. No fast food, no chocolate, no alcohol, no pleasures. However, I did cheat - I accidentally ate chocolate courtesy to Sheenal's cake-in-a-cup. It was only due to the fact that I was amazed that a cake could be made in a cup in just 90 seconds. It tasted so delicious. Luckily, the no alcohol rule is still standing. I have been placed in temptations way quite a lot.

Speaking of temptations, the reason why I have used MJR in my post is because of a new nickname that I have acquired during my time here. I normally hate nicknames but this one I kind of like. Obviously it's my initials, but it's simple. Maybe I only liked it because of the person who gave me it. When he says MJR, it's like velvet rolling of his tongue. He is a bass player in the local bar I attend - yeah I seem to attract the bassists - but he's rather sweet when he wants to be. His cute ass has also gotten me in to trouble a few times too. Crazy bitches following him around have expressed their distaste in me knowing him; hey that's another story that could take forever to type up. Anyways enough about him and more about my vacation.

So two weeks and two days off will finally give me a chance to see Dubai. That's right. I have lived here for 6 months and all I have seen is Dubai airport and Abu Dhabi beach. I will be venturing out by myself as the others will be on their holidays in other countries. I don't mind going alone, but some company would be nice. So I've planned for Dubai, Abu Dhabi and maybe Oman if I can fit it in to my budget. Who knows.

Well this is all I can be bothered to type at the moment. I'm sure those that read this have me on social network sites can catch-up with me on there.

University Stories Part 2: Where My Demons Hide

N.B: The following story have been edited (though incomplete) though your comments on improving the stories are recommended. 

Where My Demons Hide

Prologue

Mörk drew a knife from his jet black trousers and quietly picked the lock of the door. His master's task may seem cruel and unjustified to the mortals, but to Mörk and those of his world it was simply second nature - kill or be killed. He knew he was a cold-blooded creature that didn't care for any human being in the world; his father had made sure of that. Mörk childhood had held no happy memories, for it was marked only by abuse he had been subjected to by his father; cold, familiar words blaring fresh in his consciousness as his jacket rubbed against old lash wounds. "You should never feel fear. You should be the creator of fear. You are a being of power." There was no longer any blood running through his body, just pure venom.

His kind, the majestic Giant race, lived undetected and safe in the mountains of Fjällhästen. He wouldn't exactly call it home though, no, home suggested a place of warmth and loving - he had experienced neither. The humans had no idea what was happening right under their noses. Cold-blooded gen-one immortals, those whom have suffered abuse from their parents from a young age during their training to show and feel no emotion were at war with a human-immortal hybrid. No matter how discreet the war is in the mortal world, the humans always ended up in the cross-fire. None of these creatures could let the greater world find out what was happening. 

 **********************************

 "Dammit" A quiet voice went unquestioned in the ridiculously small lounge. Astrid's eyes glared at the ancient television displaying an unsuccessful repeat of a show that should not have been aired once never mind again. Below the television sat a dilapidated coffee table which most definitely could not remember its better days. No matter how much she wished for a better life than one she was living, her career prospects were not exactly reachable.

It was for her little angel Darcy that Astrid struggled onwards, making the best of her poor situation. Miss Darcy-Elizabeth was her life and the only happiness Astrid could allow herself, for all the money she earned at a local bar went on little Darcy's happiness. Her little girl wasn't spoilt; Mattie just wanted to provide her with a normal and healthy childhood since hers wasn't particularly special. Her parents tried to provide what they could, given the circumstances of her working class background, and she could tell they were struggling financially but the love and attention was all she ever needed. If only they were here she thought. She could use her parents right now. Fresh tears started to fall from her eyes. Quickly she wiped them away before she started the whole expression of grief again.

She tried a new direction of thought, something to distract her from the pain. But she had nothing. Not even the simple action of letting her imagination run wild just like the books she would read. That pleasure always ended up with heartbreak, with romance and Prince Charming being her clichéd thoughts. How she ended up being a 23 year old single mother with a 2 year old daughter, was beyond her. Not that she regretted the events which led to this situation. The part that annoyed her was the fact that her childhood sweetheart had found a new love interest in her close friend. Her love life now was more drastic. She never felt like she needed to be with anyone else. She never wanted someone else to disappear from Darcy's life.  Her insecurities of not being beautiful enough for love always had her thinking of herself being a plain-Jane girl.

Her eyes had just closed when they quickly re-opened as she realised that Darcy hadn't woken up to see where she was at. Her daughter was like that, acting like a mother towards her, the roles being reversed. She always knew when Astrid was upset or just needed comforting. She slowly moved herself off the couch and headed towards the bedroom of her small and dingy flat. Opening the creaky door, that needed to be sorted out, she looked into the room and found her daughter fast asleep clutching her little Care-bear with small hands. She quietly crept into the room and crawled into the bed and held her protectively against her chest. What she would do to give this sleeping beauty a stable life. Her eyes started to feel heavy and began to close, but she never felt safe enough to get a well needed sleep. The room itself was full of damp, and had the temperature of a snowy day. Still her body protested until she finally gave in. Just this once though.

Startled by a noise, Astrid's eyes flew open. Her body froze. Was it her imagination? Or had the water pipes burst again? A little shaken, she rolled out of bed and crept towards the door.

 **********************************

The front door opened with a slight creak. He came to a halt, and listened for any disturbance that he had created. Nothing. Moving forward with silent footsteps, he scoured the room for any sign of human life. He quickly headed towards the door besides the kitchen, and in his haste he knocked off a glass that hadn't been placed correctly on the  worn wooden side table. No amount of power he possessed would have hidden that noise. "Djävlar!" Yes, he knew she was behind that door and it had disturbed her, but it wouldn't help by attracting attention to himself just yet.

He heard small and soft footsteps moving across the room behind the door he was currently heading towards, when all of a sudden they stopped. The handle started to move downwards and the door opened slowly. Mörk put his hand into his pocket attached to his jacket, retrieving a cloth doused in chloroform; fortunately for Astrid , the amount used was not enough to kill, merely to subdue.
As the door opened, the human revealed herself. With no time to waste he brought the cloth to her face and smothered her mouth and nose. She kicked and squirmed trying to escape. Such a
Dumskalle! he thought. Such a stupid little human. A few moments later she fell limp into his arms. As he flung her over his shoulder his gaze fell upon another human lying soundlessly asleep, unaware of the commotion surrounding her.  "Great, what am I to do now?" he said to himself; no point in being quiet since he had his main target. The only thing he could do was dump the unconscious body into the back of the van.

Still he felt no emotions for what he was about to do but he wished he did. Did he really have to act so callously towards the female? Yes.

Mörk moved swiftly back to the house and picked up the other human, which he noticed was a little baby girl who seemed to sleep like the dead. Heading back to the van once more, he opened the door in a quick movement then stopped, frozen. An unknown feeling came across him. He looked at the little one and re-thought his of acting so harsh. He carefully laid her across the seat and wove together a makeshift baby seat with his hands. Thin pieces of thread weaved in and out of one another until the process was complete. Magic. One way of using my power for something other than death. He fastened the human's daughter next to the driver's seat and climbed in. With a quiet hum of the engine turning, he drove off into the silent and deadly night. This had been the only time he had actually been close to feeling something like emotion. Love.
 

 **********************************

Astrid awoke with an oppressive headache. She hoped that what she had seen was a weird dream, something her mind had created which normally happened living in the place she did. Her eyes opened and it was completely dark with a little light coming through a gap in the wall, and instantly she knew something was up. She tried to open her mouth and realised she couldn't –something was stopping her. Her hands reached up to remove the offending object and noticed her hands were tied together with some sort of rough material. What the-moving her gaze to her feet, she found rope around her ankles. Ok no need to panic. Actually maybe I do. I can't scream I can't move. No this is all a dream I will close my eyes again and open them and then maybe I will be back at home in my God-damn uncomfortable bed. She thought. Then she realised, the vivid nightmare she had last night wasn't a nightmare, it was reality. And this - Where was Darcy? Her baby Darcy. She felt her eyes starting to close again. NO she mentally shouted. She had to stay awake. She had to find a way out and find Darcy. Only she couldn't. Her body slumped against the wall as she slipped under a fog of confusion again.

A sudden jerk woke her up once more. She looked around and again saw nothing. She didn't have much time to process where she was at as light poured into the darkness and pain shot through her eyes.

"Good you're up." A rough voice came from somewhere in front of her. "Now I'm going to take off this tape from around your mouth if you promise not to make noise. I can't deal with that silly response right now. Nod your head if you are going to scream"

She automatically nodded her head. She wanted someone to possibly notice her and the monster of a man. However it seemed that this guy was a violent type as she felt a sting in her cheek. Her eyes widened and tears began to flow.

"I'll ask you again, are you going to scream if I take this off you?" his voice sounded even rougher and scarier than the last time. She shook her head. As much as she wanted to scream, her body simply wouldn't allow it; she had no energy, no willpower to refuse.

"Well done" he said, this time patronising and evil. His hand went to rip the tape when he stopped "actually I think I will leave this on since you will probably scream when it tears your skin apart." What surprised her after he had spoken was the sound that came out after those seemingly kind words, was his laugh. It was beautiful but dark. It sent shivers down her spine and she daringly took a glance at her kidnapper.

 **********************************

Take that as a no then! Astrid thought. Her poor angel would be scared and alone. How she wished she could comfort her. At least she could speak aloud although, that would be the only positive thing to come out of this mess. She looked around in the dark room, with the only light visible from a small oil lamp barely lighting anything. In the far corner she could make out a worn out mattress no doubt crawling with bugs and other flesh eating things. Urgh. If it was the only chance she would have at comfort it would have to do. Though the obvious question she wondered was; how the hell would she get over there? Her hands and feet seemed like they were on fire. Rope became the only restriction of moving. After moments of deliberation and numbness, she rolled awkwardly to the other side, noticing that the smell of death was becoming worse with each passing second.

She could feel the rising of bile in her sore throat, and tried to block out the awful stench. Finally, she manoeuvred herself onto the mattress and fatigue began to creep upon her. Hold tight Darcy! was the last thing floating around before she succumbed to the darkness.

It was too quiet in the room, far too quiet for a human to be dead. Though how that was possible Ansgar could not know. He eyes bore into Mörk's searching for the answer, the truth. Was she dead or alive? He actually hoped it was the latter for the sake of both of theirs lives. But he could honestly say that he wanted her to be alive for the sake of his brother. Mörk needed to some to care for him. Someone like he had. His own saviour; his own Bjørg. His life had been a living hell until she entered his life, making the dark light, the bad good and his world worth living. He hoped that Mörk would not complete this mission and run with the female. But no, he had to follow orders and remain heartless. Yet Ansgar knew his brother's heart was there somewhere. He had to have some emotions buried deep somewhere inside himself.

The idiotic master had gone too far this time. Taking an innocent human and bringing her into the world of Chaos and Death. It was tempting to kill the bastard to end this suffering but it was the biggest sin. To kill the creator was to kill you. If everyone wasn't living in a hell already they had to through that in to the fine print. His hand raised slowly as to signal his brother to move out the way.

"I cannot allow you to do that" Mörk argued. His eyebrow lifted in authority. Though he was always silent, no one protested against his actions without reason.

"She… she.. oh goddammit your going to find out anyway." Mörk stammered trying to find the words to describe his failure.

Yet Ansgar knew what he was going to say and silenced him with his eyes. His curse. His blue eyes made anyone fall under his power. He made his way stealthily to the door, with his hand paused on the handle. "I know she is alive. He stated to have her killed and I know why you didn't. But you must face the consequences of your actions I'm afraid brother. I wish I could save you this time but it is merely impossible"

Mörk glanced towards his only partner with a stunned look on his face. He had spoken for the first time in many months. Yet he did not know what he meant. Consequences? He knew why he didn't kill her? What was he talking about? He wished he could open his mouth to speak but Ansgar's power forbid him of such action. The power of silence was much greater than his. He could kill, he could weave atoms out of thin air into armour or other needed material but he could not make himself speak. Stunned into silence, he watched as Ansgar entered the room and beckoned him to follow. He wished he knew what was going to happen to the female now that she had been found alive. A heavy feeling fell upon his heart.

Upon his entrance to the dark cell-like room, he looked as to where he left her and found she had gone. His was momentarily puzzled until the slight sound of breathing was heard in the far corner. The cast of the light gave of the appearance of an halo around the female's head making her seem more angel-like than she already looked. How he wanted to know what this feeling was and why it was happening.

Ansgar gave a knowing look towards the female and Mörk and desired to save both of their lives, still nothing could be done. His feet headed towards the sleeping female and noticed the ropes burning through her flesh. Giving his brother a pointing look, he ordered him to remove them. Poor girl he thought. What a world to be brought into. He knew why she was here but was it necessary to bring her not some other human baring the mark. He knew it was callas of him to think that but this female had a life ahead of her. It would have been easier to capture one that was alone and living in poor conditions, one that probably didn't have family out looking for her.

Other the breaths coming from her tiny mouth where heard that was until the ropes set her free. It seemed Mörk had noticed the delicate moan escaping from her lips as he started to shift nervously, his feet twitching from where he was stood. A smirk appeared upon his face as he took in his brother's uneasiness. It was times like this that he missed the old times when they would laugh at each other's discomfort. Ridding himself of the past, he began to look at the problem just under his nose.

Mörk grumbled under his breath. He was unsure why her sigh of relief began to excite him, a feeling he hadn't felt forever. This female was beginning to get on his nerves. Was she sent to torment him? Make him feel things he shouldn't, such feelings that were forbidden and cursed upon. Yet the sight of her made him feel at peace with himself. Oh how he wished for them to be normal beings then maybe he would feel right about his emotions instead of feeling guilt. Her body began to curl into a protective ball yet her arms were searching for something or someone. Someone. Shit. Ansgar looked at him expectedly and felt himself removed from his power. He knew he had some explaining to do. But what to say exactly? Oh yeah, it turns out that not only was there one mark in there but two.

"Please tell me you did not say that" Ansgar said with an almost begging tone to it. It was clear he had better start telling everything that happened straight from the beginning. And so he did.

Ansgar's face begun to contort in pain throughout his recall and it was a sign that things were just about to get worse. Though how much worse was to remain unsaid.

 **********************************

(N.B. this part of the story happens a few years later after the kidnapping...I've lost the part of the story and will have to rewrite it again)

 **********************************

She had spotted him from across the bar. His eyes had distracted her; something that had made her freeze. The icy blue bore into hers. She silently questioned what colour her eyes were. Would they be hazel with curiosity or green with lust? Whatever the colour, she knew it wouldn't end well for one of them - one of them would be dead. Which outcome would be the worst was something she wasn't sure off.
             Humans tended to live a short insignificant life, barley accomplishing anything but a ceiling of debt as she had found out over the years.  Yet there was something about this human that questioned both her destiny and his. He seemed almost otherworldly and was definitely going to be the end of her. He was almost familiar. It was almost a silly thought; just because his eyes had this strange power over her, it did not mean that she had to do something about it. Despite her efforts to tear her eyes away from his, there was a strange pull in her body, almost like it wanted something. She had an unexplained urge to move from the quiet corner she was residing in. Her mind was a battlefield to understand what was happening to her, until she eventually gave in. Why not give her body what it wanted, what harm could possibly occur from saying hello. But she didn't want to say hello, she wanted him - Mr. blue eyes. She wanted him now. The craving for him was growing stronger with each second that passed. She wanted to wrap her fingers around that neck of his - make him feel pain. Yet the other side of her wanted to be underneath him.
            Conflicted, she gazed back to his eyes. This could go terribly wrong, but she didn't care. She walked over with a purpose and without letting him open his mouth, she introduced herself as Astrid and grasped his hand. Taking a chance, she held her gaze to this human and the look he gave was surprising. His eyes were glowing with a possessive need. She had seen the look in men's eyes when they stared at something that they wanted to claim as their own. Almost primal. Could she take the risk with him? Have one night of pure lust and leave him in the morning alive.

              It appeared he had decided this staring contest was going on for too long, as the grip on their joined hands had tightened, and she was to follow his lead. Together they moved as one, heading from the bar to the private room at the back. She was now the submissive, forced to follow him into the dark room. Suddenly he halted  and grabbed her face. The nature of the action caused Astrid to momentarily panic. Was he changing his mind? Did he not want this any more? But before she could let the words leave her mouth, she heard a deep voice in her ear.
"My name is Mörk" he said, almost growling at her.

He thought she was an angel; her smile light up the bar and her eyes were brighter than any star he had seen in the night sky. She was dressed in a tight white dress that allowed her womanly curves to be shown in all the right places. His pants strained as he imagined touching her skin, feeling her underneath him. Her body was made for him only. If only she would recognise him. Mörk found his hands moving across her bare shoulders. He wanted to tease her skin, make her beg for more. He needed to hear her moans of pleasure. He would take her and seduce her body all night. He couldn't understand why he was behaving this way. He was sent to kill this woman for definite this time yet something strange stirred up inside of him every time he was near her. He wanted to devour her body, he wanted to feel her soul. He wanted to rip of her clothes.

Astrid felt the atmosphere change.Amidst the lust cloud was under she remembered what he had said. Mörk. The creature that haunted her nightmares and teased her dreams. Mörk face now had the look of a wild animal that chasing its' prey. She was about to be hunted and it didn't scare her. She was excited, aroused. She wanted to be caught in his trap even if he was to take her last breath.

I see hell in your eyes

Taken in by surprise
Touching you makes me feel alive
Touching you makes me die inside 
                                                      Slept so Long - Jay Gordon (Queen of the Damned OST)

Saturday night. A night were I would normally spend it planning for the lessons the next day. However, on a rare occasion I had the Sunday off. To celebrate this, me and a few of my fellow friends decided to have a night out; and as per usual we ended up in Paco's. What a surprise! Though hindsight would have been a useful thing to have before I went out. My first omen was drinking wine. Wine is my weakness, my kryptonite. Seriously it makes me so emotional that I cry at everything and anything.

1) 'First cry of the night' award goes to Diesel band and their rendition of Red, Red, Wine (UB40). Sorry guys, but being far away from my parents I was bound to get homesick at some point and unfortunately this was the moment in time were it would decide to appear. My dad. Yes I am a daddy's girl and this song reminded me of him. Whenever this song would be played I could always guess the next words that come out of his mouth "do you know what UB40 stands for?" and if I said no it was result in a long conversation about the 'Unemployment Benefit, Form 40'. My dad has to have the last word and always has to be right. That my friends is where I get my stubbornness from and my bitchy attitude.

2) 'Worst cry of the night' award goes to getting my extensions caught in my hair. Normally it wouldn't bother me getting my hair all tangled up since it happens on a daily occasion. However, add alcohol and pent up frustration to the mix then tears will be the end result. A very pitiful thing to cry at, something I am sure of.

3) 'Very emotional cry of the night' award for the second time goes to Diesel band. Other nights I have listened to them perform Zombie (The Cranberries) and Linkin Park my mind just lost it. Too many memories came flooding back at once and the tears just poured. Childhood memories, recent memories, family, friends, those I left behind. Homesickness what something I thought I would experience at random intervals during my time here.

For now I will be staying away from the wine and stick to other drinks and hopefully the emotional roller-coaster will subside.

Melissa

                        

15.10.13

It has been roughly one month and a half since I arrived in Al Ain, and my life has done a complete 360 multiple of times. So lets begin where I left off in my last post which happened to be the first night in my new home. Well what happened after that was simply more than your average emotional roller-coaster.

I decided to a bit of shopping whilst I waited for a fellow UK-er to arrive. This was to be my first grocery trip and what an experience it was. I had no idea what to buy except from water, milk and bread. Do I buy frozen food? But if I do how will I cook it with no actual oven in my room? Do I try and keep away from chocolates and buy fruit instead? Questions were running through my head million miles a second. Though one question was the most important of all...how the heck do I get to the shopping centre? Luckily the accommodation managers had left a get-started kit which included maps to all of the local shops. I decided to take the most uncommon mode of transport someone in the UAE would use to get there - by foot. It was rare for anyone to walk anywhere never mind a female on her own; and I wasn't surprised as to why. The traffic was horrendous and everyone stared at you like you had grown an extra set of arms and legs and had five eyes. Everyone who walked had an immediate neon sign pointing to them saying "look at me I'm walking. Please beep your horn at me and shout random words at me".

I finally managed to make it to Jimi Mall, Al Ain, and I felt at piece. I must have spent roughly about 3 hours in the supermarket itself.

I don't want to be talking about what I did ever second of everyday as have just I realised how much space talking about the supermarket trip had actually taken up. So I will move quickly on to the beginning of the first day at School.

Well the first week was simply a CPD week where I felt like I was actually back at school. You found out who were the nicest people, the ones who liked the sound of their voices and the ones you had to avoid. I had it figured out after about the first day. The second week came and the school had decided to push back the starting date for the children, which for me was a good thing. I wasn't totally ready to teach. Yet after the second week of no children I was getting more anxious as the seconds ticked by. I had a full two weeks of lessons prepared.

Finally the day arrived and I was not expecting the day to go the way it day - or the following weeks for that matter either. Now I do not want to put the exact details about what happened during the days at the school in case this gets into the wrong hands, but lets just say structure, communication, organisation and safety are not the strongest points. One can certainly say there is a lot of spirit there though.

Through all the tears and the tantrums (and that's just from me), I can safely say that some of  the children are starting to understand that I am not going anywhere and I will not give up on them - which is what looks like happened to the majority of them last year. 

I will end this post on a high note. Though my personal life has hit an all time low, some of my children know how to put a smile on my face. With all the stickers, little messages on scrap pieces of paper and  the on bouquet of flowers I received, these children have a lot of happiness in them and I will do whatever it takes to let them shine and grow in wonderful people.