29.08.2013

This was the day that would forever change my life.

I didn’t get much sleep the night before – which is quite normal when you are anxious for the upcoming events. I woke up on the Thursday roughly about six am feeling fine. Getting dressed, finishing off my packing, making sure I had everything and still my stomach was fine. Things were looking good.

My uncle decided he was driving my mother, grandfather and I to the airport. This was the first time we had a sort of outing together in a family; what a time to do it. The journey to Newcastle International was pleasant enough. The family laughing and chatting away to each other, getting lost even when using the Sat Nav, everything was great.

Shortly afterwards, we were there. It started to rain. The rain appeared as soon as we hit the airport and I took that as an omen for what was going to happen; a bad omen. Since I had checked in online and printed out my boarding pass already it seemed like everything was going my way. My checked/cabin luggage weighed under the limit, my visa passed through ok and soon enough I received my flight ticket. Seat 26C on board the Emirates aircraft – a seat I had chosen myself.

I said goodbyes to my family just before the security check, making sure I didn’t cry in front of the family. I’m quite positive that if I cried, I would back out and head home. Getting my passport ready, I could feel my heart starting to beat out of my chest. It would appear that my nerves had finally arrived. Even the Security officer had noticed on my ‘flushed’ appearance.  I explained that I hadn’t flown in five years and in return I received a sympathetic look. This was where my bad luck decided to shine.

Reaching the luggage control, I placed my items into the given trays. I even made sure that my laptop was screened separately, my coat pockets were empty and my jewellery was removed. Time for the scanner, and of course it decided to beep as I walked through. All I could think of was fabulous. All I heard after was ‘please remove your shoes and watch’. Watch. Of course I left my watch on. Five minutes later the female officer had decided I had been frisked enough and let me through and it was time to collect my belongings. I quickly tried to repack my cabin bag squeezing everything in, and then I realised ‘where was my phone at?’  I searched through my bag, my pockets and to no avail it wasn’t there. Luckily a security officer had found it still in the tray that someone else had put back.

Finally, after a shaky start, I headed through to the departure section of the airport. I found my flight on the screens dotted around and saw that I had plenty of time to relax, to chill out. I headed towards an empty seat and munched on the sandwiches I had made earlier that day. As much as I wanted to feel relaxed, my mind simply wouldn’t let me. My hands were all shaky and sweaty. My stomach all twisted and knotted. My heart exploding in my chest was the final straw. I headed round to the entrance of the departure gates and rang my mum. I had five minutes to go and even she wasn’t enough of a comfort to me.

Flight EK036 to Dubai is now boarding at gate 26.

Making my way down the stairs, my nerves were reaching an all-time high. Alone, scared, nervous – not a good combination. Then a tear escaped. Not now. Please don’t cry in front of all these people I told myself.  After what felt like a long moment in time, my seat number was called. This was it; time to get on that plane. As soon as I hit the fresh air, more tears made their way down my cheek. I wanted to run back inside. Did I have to fly? I hated flying to begin with, but when flying with family it was almost easier. Here I had no-one and I was to be sat beside two strangers. I finally made it up the wobbly steps to the plane and to my seat; the tears had finally subsided. For how long though? I tried to focus on the screen in front of me, and even that seemed to mock me. Since technology had improved, the aircraft designers thought that they would install cameras around the outside of the plane so the passengers could watch the world pass by.

13.35 and it was time to take off. Well soon as the plane was moved into position on the runway, I broke down. I quietly cried into my scarf trying to disguise my emotions. It must have been more obvious than I thought as one air hostess tried to give me a reassuring smile from the other side of the plane, and one male cabin crew put his hand on my shoulder and asked ‘Are you okay honey’. I simply nodded my head. It was all I could manage without screaming ‘get me off this plane!’

Newcastle airport started to speed past as the plan made its way up in the air. My stomach dropped as I realised there was no going back now. The stranger next to me patted my on the arm and said ‘it’s okay, you will be fine’.  I explained the situation I was in and suddenly I felt fine. Sure the nervousness of flying was there, but every word the lady next to me had said reassured me.

Seven hours had finally gone by and it was time to land. I didn’t cry much on the way back down to the ground, but as the wheels hit the runaway I panicked. I remember all the previous landings I had ever been a part of but not once was there a screech of the wheels hitting the tarmac and the plane swaying to one side. You could actually feel the plane tip slightly as the pilot tried to steady its balance.  I would be grateful when my feet would feel the ground again.

Skipping ahead a few minutes of getting lost, I made my way towards passport control. Half an hour later it was my turn for my passport to be checked. Due to the nature of my eye-sight I have to wear glasses, but it was clear this was inappropriate for me to do at this moment in time. To make sure the person in the passport was definitely me, I had to remove the glasses and have my face run a smart facial recognition programme. The officer stamped my visa and my passport and I was on my way. Just as I entered terminal 5 at baggage claim, I saw my suitcase make its way around the carousel. The timing couldn’t be any more perfect.  And as luck would have it, the bad luck came flying through.

I had been told previously that a member of staff would be collecting me from the airport, but what they had failed to mention was where he/she would be meeting me exactly. Well after two hours of searching, crying, stressing and panicking I found my name amongst the crowd. The person definitely was not happy to see me. ‘Two hours I wait for you’. I just apologised and said I got lost. What more could I do. Turn back the time? The journey from Dubai International to my accommodation was unpleasant and scary. The driver was a maniac – swerving on the roads, nearly swiping the sides of other cars and driving with no hands sometimes. I sure felt like my time was up and I was to die on the roads of the UAE.

Ninety minutes later I had arrived at Madar School Accommodation. It was 4am before I reached room 116. I was happy just to have a bed at that moment in time. Locking the door behind and dumping my suitcase in the middle of the floor, I collapsed on the bed. That was enough for one night.

It's only the beginning

You see there's no real ending
It's only the beginning

So this is it. The wait has dwindled down from three months to just three days. Three more sunrises and it will be time. Time to start my new beginning. A new life in a new city, a new country, a new continent. But where did this all begin? 

A year ago I decided to put all my career options into a hat and let the fates decide my path. The options ranged from being an editor to a teacher. The latter became the answer. After submitting a personal statement and going through all the difficulties of UCAS once again, deciding which universities to apply for and what aspect of teaching I wanted to do, I received an unconditional offer from the University of Teesside. Of course I had to attend an interview, which wasn't all that stressful, but I accepted the offer. It seemed almost too perfect. A few months later I was opening my letter saying that I had been given a place on the PGCE PC/ET course starting in September 2012. This was it. The start of a new career path.

It was here that I found that it was too good to be true. Not in the sense that it was a scam or anything negative, but my bad luck decided to rear its' ugly head. It took until December for my placement to be sorted out, others had been sorted months before hand. So after countless security checks I was finally ready to start putting what I had learned so far into practice. However January 9th saw another setback to my teacher training. A last minute decision to celebrate my new placement happened to include an emergency trip to the a&e. It turned out I had broken my foot. This caused another six week delay to reaching my 100 hour target.

Yet after all this I didn't give up. I had to keep my spirits up and achieve something. And I did. 102.4 hours later I had finally reached the target. I completed all the assignments and everything else that was asked of me. Though there was one more thing I had to do - find a job. So I applied to a local teaching agency ready to start work as a supply teacher. One day fate decided to step in and through me in a different direction. Overseas Teaching.

This was not something I considered at all. Yes, I had fantasies of living in Australia or somewhere in America; but they were only fantasies. A particular agency in the UK was advertising a range of positions across the globe, and suddenly I found my fingers clicking away on the laptop applying for the advertised roles. Qatar, Kuwait, Egypt, UAE. It would be the UAE that would change my life. For better or worse, I cannot say. After all the interviews, communication breakdowns and endless researching, I finally became a English teacher to Grade 3 and Grade 4 pupils attending a private school in Al Ain, UAE.

This is my beginning. I finally enter my new life on Thursday 29th August 2013. It will be here where I will post my ups and downs, my adventures, my mishaps.

The end of one teaching experience....

One day Alice came to a fork in the road and saw a Cheshire cat in a tree. "Which road do I take?" she asked. "Where do you want to go?" was his response. "I don't know," Alice answered. "Then," said the cat, "it doesn't matter."

                        (Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland)

Education allows every individual to create their own paths in life; whether that’s to explore themselves as a person, extend their knowledge and wisdom, or even help develop a career that they would like.

Teacher Professionalism:

Professionalism, in any aspect of teaching, is a critical component of education. Professionalism, to me, means a commitment to teaching my subject knowledge to others and presenting what is best for the learners. It also means having the right skills and attitudes modelled for the learners – to be a positive role in their education. By having the right attitude to teaching, I can take more risks with lessons and make changes that will improve the learning.  I have also learnt that flexibility is the key to being professional.  As I was unable to teach my specialist subject, English Literature, I had to adapt to teach Functional Skills Literacy instead. Here I did encounter problems and mistakes within my teaching of this subject, but my experience helped me overcome this issue. Teaching a different subject helped me to be resilient and adaptable when such problems did arise.

My teaching experience also helped me to develop a professional attitude to treating all students fairly and look for the best in my learners. The learning environment showed me how focusing on the strengths rather than their criminal record helped remove bias and prejudice from myself and other learners.  This also strengthened my ability to follow through on disciplinary methods for the more disruptive learners.    

Teacher Values:

My values of teaching have changed throughout the experience I have been given. At first, I thought teaching was about being knowledgeable about the subject I teach; however, you must have the ability to communicate to pass on that knowledge. Communication here relates to the concept that teachers must be able to connect with the learners, and keep them interested in every session that occurs. Yet it is not just the learners you need to communicate with, it’s communicating your thoughts and feelings with other members of staff to help develop yourself as a teacher.

I also believe that trust and confidence are important in teacher values. My mentor has helped me with this aspect as my learning environment required a high level of trust and confidence in the learners. I was only allowed to share information told to me by the learners when it threatened the safety of the learners and myself. However I must understand both the learners’ educational and emotional need regardless of their criminal background.

Another value that has been shaped by my experience is my level of organisation and more pressure has been placed upon me due to the nature of the learning environment. The learners’ work has to be marked promptly as no work is to leave the learning environment for their own safety and maintaining their ILPS at the end of the session was a difficulty. As a trainee teacher my lesson plans had to be created well in advance and any resources had to be sent to the deputy leader for system checks. This developed my ability to create lessons that were simple, practical and achievable for the learners and the focus was only on them.

As a result my mentor at my learning environment helped in the shaping of my teacher values. By sharing my thoughts and reflecting at the end of every session, I was developing as a more professional teacher all the time. Here teamwork by all the members off staff, and my tutor at the university, provided me with tips to control, manage and inspire the learners and the sharing of resources; this increased my level of confidence in teaching and make me realise you do not have to be alone in the learning environment.

Motivating and Engaging Learners:

I cannot pinpoint the exact moment were I finally managed to motivate and engage all learners at the same time; it was simply a case of trial and error. This was due to the churn factor of new learners and the leaving of old learners. However, one way to overcome this problem was to embed a multiple of teaching resources that took into consideration the needs of every individual; for example one typical lesson would use activities on the smart-board to allow group work, and the learners would develop their skills by using comprehension tasks and worksheets which allowed for individual or paired help. By employing different teaching methods in each session meant that the students were constantly challenged, but were allowed to complete the work at their own pace to achieve more than their potential.

One thing I did learn from this was patience; some days the mixing of resources worked whereas other days, simple tasks were the key. By taking into the consideration of the learners' needs in a more active way, I asked the learners how they preferred to learn. This meant that they played a more solid role in their learning. However, I finally realise that it is not always possible to produce creative lessons in such an environment due to the issue of safeguarding the individuals; i.e. competitive tasks normally resulted in learners being disruptive and physical. Yet it is possible to produce these tasks in small quantities and not reuse the resources over again and the session would still be effective.

Teaching Experience:

Throughout my teaching at HMP Durham Prison, I have found it most challenging in terms of its preparation for lessons. Unlike other educational institutions, everything I prepare has to be checked for the safety of the learners and me.  Yet I managed to overcome this by using many online resources such as the SkillsWorkshop, BBC Skillswise, and even the Online English Dictionary. These resources were simple to modify and adapt to each session, and the learners took to the tasks straight away without a problem. Marking work was also a problem within the environment. I had to learn to create assessment tasks that could be marked within the sessions and would still provide an opportunity to provide feedback for the learners.

A typical day would consist of new learners stating they did not want to be in this class, that it was ‘useless’ to them. I learnt to take these comments in stride, and found a way to encourage the learners to stay in education. By acting more than a teacher to them, and actually listening to what they had to say the learners began to trust my teaching methods and turned up to the following session the week after when I was teaching. Many had said that their school ‘teacher did not care’ about the individual and their learning, and began to appreciate that I went out of my way to include them all the time. This also showed me how much learners rely on praise subconsciously. John Wooden once said that:

“Seek opportunities to show you care. The smallest gestures often make the biggest difference.”

Throughout the two and three hour sessions I taught that learners seemed to enjoy the lesson more when they were praised on their achievement. However I made sure not to over-praise as it would appear that I was being condescending to some. The effect of my praise towards the learners seemed to carry on beyond the classroom doors. This showed exactly how communication “must also depend on how interested in other people we really are”.

“When you study great teachers... you will learn much more from their caring and hard work than from their style.”

 I believe that without my mentor and my tutor showing how they invest in what the students actually say then I would not be able to create an environment where learners would feel like they can walk away saying that they have actually enjoyed the lesson and that they have learnt something. I hope with everything that I have learnt over the year, I will pass on to my students. I know that obstacles will stand in my way, but that will make my career choice more exciting.

---

For 'twas not into my ear you whispered but into my heart.

'Twas not my lips you kissed, but my soul
                                                                -Judy Garland


So today has included a mixture of feelings: love, lust, hate and fear. So where to begin? This post will only focus on love and lust as the other two emotions are too raw to write about now.

Love:

Well, to be honest, love is a strong word that I shouldn't be using right now. I would say its more confusing than anything else. Dreams do crazy things to ones head. They make you think of things that you would never have thought of before. I was perfectly fine before I started dreaming. Perhaps I'm only attracted to the person in my dreams and not the person in reality. Whatever it is, it will not go away. Every night consists of the same dream. Right down to the nitty gritty details. This does lead us on to the next emotion - lust. Here, I will simply re-post a poem that sums it all up

Lust:

The gazing of ocean blue against earthly brown,

Velvet whispers, lips he does caress.

A soft embrace, his hand ascends towards her crown.

Brush of her hair, a sweetly placed kiss,

Heart against heart, soul against soul, one they become.

He soaks in his wonderful beauty.

Actions of love envelop her unclothed bosom,

A swift taste of her fresh honey.

One look up at the angel; she begs for mercy,

The promise of his love forever.

Succumbing to his advance, she gives him the key.

They key to her heart and her forever.

The feeling of both bodies, the sound of heaven –

The melody of peace, joy and love.

The perfect fit for her cherished garden,

The perfect fit of his heightened touch.

Collapsing back to earth, the lovers revel in each other’s sight

Each other’s wings of security

He sends his spoken truth to his mate, gives their love the gift of flight

To soar higher than other love for all eternity.

One month to go...

It really amazes me how each day has the same amount of seconds, minutes and hours, yet they pass by quicker than the last. It only felt like a few days ago when I received an email containing an
'acceptance of the offer' letter. In fact I signed the form little over a month ago. It seems that life is going so fast that my mind cannot comprehend what is happening.

There is one thing that keeps me up awake, making the night last longer; and that is all the people I will miss.

1) My mum - I will miss the 10am wake up call that she manages to give me every morning. I will miss the annoying 'just checking your still alive' phone calls. I will miss the snarky and bitchy comments we make at each other when one of us is clearly not in the mood. Yet most of all I will miss her warmth and love that a mother gives her child.
2) My dad - I don't really see him that much due to him working away all the time but I will miss the comments he gives when we do unite... (so you're a dumb blonde now...by your putting on the weight and so on). I will miss the arguments were one of us has to be right no matter what. I will definitely miss getting my random hugs from him when I'm feeling down, lonely, or even just bored.
3) My brother - He may have his own family now, and his own house, but I will miss the random phone calls, his way of conning lifts from me, and all the dead arms I receive when trying to beat him up.  I know Jacqueline and Lillie will keep him occupied.
4) My niece -I will miss the way she says 'missa'. I will miss all of her little attitudes she has. I will miss her hugs and kisses and the way she wakes me up in the morning. I will miss her little laugh and her demanding ways.

I could go on like this with everyone in my family, and those that I hold dear to my heart. I will miss the new friends I made throughout my time at school, college and university (both under and post- grad). I will miss my annoying but amusing colleagues from work. I definitely will not miss the early phonecalls asking to come in asap or the phonecalls at night changing shifts. But my time there has been wonderful.

There are people at work who I will miss more then some (sorry) but that's due to the time spent with each individual. There will be one person I will definitely miss. Their ability to make me laugh when I'm annoyed, their acceptance of my bitchy nature or my attitude when I'm on coffee or had no sleep.

It is crazy how many people enter and leave your life all the time, but the memories created along the way will serve me a lifetime of happiness.

Am I ready to go out in to the world alone? - no, but I will do my darn hardest to make the most of what life has given me. 

Emigrating: 2 Months to go

In response to my leaving, I have decided to spend the rest of my random blogging days talking about my upcoming move. However, my mind is now determined to make me actually realise what I am about to do.The reason for my move is that I have accepted a teaching job in Madar International School teaching English (The actual subject - in the British Curriculum) to Grade 4 learners. The school looks amazing. So I have compiled a pro's and con's list to me emigrating 4165 miles across the world to Al Ain (yes I have told people it's Dubai, but that is the nearest city that people would know) in the UAE.

PRO'S:

• It will be a 'once in a lifetime' experience
• Get to live another culture
• Finally grow up and become independent
• Have a secure job
• All expenses paid for

 CON'S:

• Again 4165 miles away is a lot when I may need mummy or daddy
• I will have to leave my family behind
• Covering up all the time will be a pain (at first)
• I will be on my own in a foreign country
• I hate flying
• I hate injections

 That is all I can think of for the time being, I will add more when I can. However, no matter how long the con list might be, I will still move. The only fear I have is not passing the qualification check. It might sound silly to some as I will have a teaching degree, but knowing my luck I would have the wrong one.
 So for the next two months I will be gong through all the necessary checks, medical included. Hopefully I wont contract HIV/Aids or TB in the following months. That will definitely ruin my plans. It is now just a waiting game. Waiting for the contract to be signed, attested and then I shall be heading the airport to collect my tickets. Not long now. Maybe in another month I shall update my progress. I have packed some of my checked-luggage, and part of my hand-luggage. Just need to buy a few more things (including a suitcase) and I shall be sorted. Oh and I must definitely not forget the sun block...I'd hate to turn into a lobster straight away.

qui amatorios affectu part 1

Or that erotic feeling...

No this is not a post about sex, or anything pertaining to it- almost- but in fact this is a post about why I get addicted to tattoos. I figured this out from a weird dream I had last night...

 I woke up in a tattoo parlour snuggled into the tattooist. We moved slowly and sensually to the shower were we lathered each other in soap, exploring each other. He asked me to allow him to tattoo me again. "To mark you" he said...

That's all I'm telling of my dream but it made me think. Some people say that a kiss on the neck (or a bite) is erotic, making a mark of possession. Well for me tattoos are my mark. Someone taking their time to mark my skin with their design. To draw their art on to my skin is erotic to me. I've never felt pain* with any of my tattoos, but a sense of pleasure, almost sending me into a peaceful state. To feel that gun score my skin, being forever etched is a way for me to be seduced. 

The above may sound weird but it's not an addiction for me. I could stop getting tattooed at any point, to move on to something else. Spend my money else where. But the feeling I get from the tattoo is almost like an aphrodisiac. 

I will add more to this post when I get my next tattoo. When I can really think about how it makes me feel.  But for now the memory of the art upon my skin shall have to see me through. 

* Yes I do feel pain if I have been tattooed for a long time in one session. But the beginning and the end are such a sensualistic experience that I need to feel again.