Why Bother?

So stressed out right now, and it seems like nothing is going right for me. Love life sucks, work is depressing me, and uni is going down the drain. Lets break things up and go into a bit more detail.

1) Work:

Well, for one thing not enough hours at work annoys me then when I get the hours,  I get pissed off. Urgh can't win at all.  Though I'm not surprised since I wreck the place with my clumsiness. Monday saw me stabbing my thumb repeatedly with the pins, ripped my nail off, walked into a wall of bike boxes, fell over a stand. The list is endless.

2) Uni:

Placement hasn't started yet and I'm already freaking out. I'm behind every one in terms of experience and I'm dreading my micro-teach next week. I have no idea what to do.

3) Love-life:

Well, that one is a bummer. And all my friend said was that I need to get laid. How eloquent and nice. Though it might actually help, I'm not in the mood for shitty guys.


I just can't be bothered for anything at the moment, except for a good night out on the town and let loose abit. 

Boost up those brochure sales by pimping out your staff!

Well. That is all I have to say. Today was clearly one of those good days, were I don't look like a right mess at work. So it all started with an idea to boost up the Christmas brochures and B4L. I always do badly, that's a given when I'm at work, so here was a tip given to me by a friend...

"Make a sign that for every brochure a customer buys, they will be entered in a draw for a date with a member of staff (the customer can even choose which person). Or just pimp someone out completely"

Yeah cause that will work. Apparantly it does as I am getting pimped out already.

First there was a young gentleman who gave me a flirty smile and was eyeing me up (according to another member of staff), and he was darn good-looking too. Then a boy who must have been about 12 or 13 was a right charmer. He handed me the money with a right swagger calling me darl, yeah his dad taught him well. He will be a right heart-throb when he is older. Bless.

So that was a good day at work. The full day of flirting my way through sales.

Oh as a side note, I also managed to knock down a sign at work by throwing a ball.

All in one day ey.

Just Another Night Out

It was a staff night out and of course there was drama, love life being tested, and of course new secrets to be told. I for one found out many things last night, which was oddly reminiscent of last years staff night. Now I cannot go into too much detail just in case certain eyes read this, but it turns out my secret from last year was not so much a secret at all.Which is a good thing sort of, but I hope things don't get awkward. Though I did enjoy last night considerably more, and I did find out that men are complete perves! I suppose it was my own fault for opening my mouth about tattoos and piercings. Yes I made a tit (haha) out of myself. Hey who cares though cause it was all the drinks' fault.
I wonder what happens the next time I see everyone.

Just One Huge Rant

I give up. I really do.

Today I realised I have blogged much these past few months and I've celebrated with this complaint. What the heck am I doing with my life? I seem to be living my life with other people's expectations. They want me to be this, that, or the other not taking into consideration what I want. I want to be a prison tutor, but no, apparrently I'm too weak or too much of a pushover to even succeed. Either that or I'm more likely to sleep with one of my students. Great judgement of my life. Why do people need to feel like they have to judge me, or mock what I want to do? Is their life that boring that they feel the need to belittle mine? That, I do not have the answer to.

Another point I'd like to make is my love life. This is were I get a little hypocritical. I expect my love to trust and respect me but I can't seem to trust him. Well not so much him, but others around. Low self esteem and confidence issues have taken control (well thats one excuse thats highly used), the other reason is I know how the majority of skanks work. How can I say to someone I love, yes love, that I don't like him having a life outside of me when there is a lot of temptation around? Oh I hate the label boyfriend and girlfriend too. Just so tacky and overused. Once labels have been placed people expect you to act a certain way, compromise, and basically give up your life to be with that person. Believe me I've seen it happen. You get caught up in a bubble and once an outsider worms their way in, everything changes. Why others feel the need to invade a bubble of which is not theirs I have no idea. Again it all comes down to expectations.

People expect me to be able to read minds, to be perfectly happy all the time, to be normal. Well I'm afraid the more expectations you have of me, the more it those expectations will be thrown out of the window or down a drain somewhere.
Oh and a final thing, why do people constantly make plans with me when they know they are going to make up some bullshit excuse and cancel!

Love from an angry person

A New Day, A New Start

     Too many days, I have stood in front of the dressing room mirror and glaring at it's reflection. The once toned and athletic body has become frumpy and lumpy. Turning around in my dress,. one can easily notice the ever growing cellulite and the fresh pink stretch marks that have appeared over time. The laid back university life, and it's consumption of alcohol and take-aways has finally taken it's toll on my body. No longer am I the size 10-12 with pronounced hips. The size 14-16 is clear to me now. Yet every attempt I make to change this change in life-style, failure is always ahead
     So as a final endeavour to save my changing body, I am changing my eating habits (but will not exclude fatty foods or chocolate, but will eat them in moderation instead), and excercise will make its debut. It is here on this blog that I will show my weaknesses and strengths of my body, and show the progress of my diet.
Hopefully this will work.

You see there's no real ending....

.... It's only the beginning

I sometimes think that this world is too real and fixed on the proper. What is to say that what is right is wrong, and what is wrong is right. What happens if the "mad" people are actually the sane ones in the world, and the sane are actually mentally unstable. Society today shows us what is deemed improper. I am not justifying certain mental states here, such as those who kill or cause any harm to others, but the types that use such an enormous part of the brain; creating worlds of their own. Such usage of the brain is liberating and imaginitave. Certain mental illnesses are not what they seem.

Take a look in the mirror. You have a choice. To look at yourself and see what rules and conditions who have been brought up with. Look at how you choose paths in life. The "right" paths. The ones that are deemed socially correct. See how your every day language changes when more rules are placed upon you. See how your mind is only capable of being creative to an extent that doesnt push boundaries. You dress how you are expected to dress. You speak your mind when it is acceptable, but you edit. That is what the world is - an edited version of what it should be.

Now this is where an option appears.

Do you continue to follow the norms as you have done since growing up, or do you take another path? One that is "wrong". One that is socially and politically improper. Do you choose how you use your mind? Do you speak freely no matter the consequence; to speak the truth? Do you dress how you want to against social norms. Do you dream of your own world and see it in the real one?

The mirror is a gateway to your life. It shows you exactly who you are. The imperfections, the "perfections". It provides a second conscience. One can certainly add make-up to hide away dreams and fantasies. Or it can create an outlet to who you really are. The one who pushes the limits. The one who isnt afraid to stand out from the norm.

For me, I am one of those who hides behind the mirror. I only show what people need to see but in honesty. I dream of a world were nothing is real. Everything is not what it should be. I want to see what my creative world would be in reality, where people are not restricted to gender roles, or ruled by the stigma of madness.  

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
 That is according to Einstein. So who is to say that someone is insane when they really arent. We all dream every day, every night expecting a different outcome; is that insane? No. It's what life is all about.

What would it be like to live in a world, where no one was deemed mad, insane, or crazy? Were no-one judges you for the weird things you say, do, wear. To live in a world were I am restricted in my ability to dream, to create, to believe is the correct definition of insane.

A Random Quiz

1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, and find line 4. Slowly opens its mouth, and these words come out
2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can, What can you touch?A pillow
3. Before you started this survey, what were you doing? Watching CSI
4. What is the last thing you watched on TV? CSI:Crime Scene Investigation
5. Without looking, guess what time it is. Half 7ish
6. Now look at the clock. What is the actual time? 19:39
7. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?Parents talking
8. When did you last step outside? What were you doing? It was when I came home from work, I stepped outside to play with my dog
9. Did you dream last night?Yes unfortunately
10. Do you remember your dreams?Again yes
11. When did you last laugh? A few hours ago at work
12. Do you remember why / at what?I laughed at my co-workers moving tables and destroying the place :)
13. What is on the walls of the room you are in?Masks
14. Seen anything weird lately? Erm can't recall anything, but my brain is fried so
15. What is the last film you saw?Pictue Perfect with Jennifer Aniston
16. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live?I would live somewhere in the UK or Germany
17. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy? I would buy a brand new car, a house with a walk-in wadrobe filled with loads of clothes.
18. Tell me something about you that most people don't know. I have an obsession with masks and dolls
19. What is the last thing you downloaded onto your computer? Some songs by Halfway Home
20. Last time you swam in a pool?Phwoar must be about four years ago now
21. Type of music you like most? Mostly the alternative stuff
22. Type of music you dislike most?RAVE!!!!!!
23. What was the last thing you bought?A KitKat Chunky Caramel
24. Have you ever ridden on a motorbike?Nope but I want to :)
25. If you could eat lunch with one famous person, who would it be?Jared Leto or Synyster Gates
26. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card?New Look
27. What time is bed time?Any time I get tired
28. How many tattoos do you have?Eight with one upcoming
29. Do you carry a donor card?Yes I do and I'm proud of it
30. Who was the last person you ate dinner with? No one :(
31. Is the glass half empty or half full?Depends what mood I'm in
32. What's the farthest-away place you've been? Gran Canaria
33. Have you ever won a trophy? Yes in primary school year 6
34. Are you a good cook?It depends what I'm cooking
35. How many keys on your key ring?Too many to count and then some
36. What kind of car do you drive?None ate the moment, but soon to be a fiat punto
37. What are your best physical features?My eyes and smile apparently
38. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation where would you go?Florida, Paris or Venice