So tonight, it appears as though my brain is on overdrive again. Why doesn't it have a button to switch off - almost like a no thinking mode? That would be handy right now. It almost feels like I have done a 360 on my emotions since my last post, either that or I am so overworked right now that my body can't keep up. I don't feel as though my depression is coming back - that itself is pretty amazing. I just feel meh.
There are many possible reasons to my 'meh' mood. The first being that I am definitely overworked, overstressed and quite simply, exhausted. Work right now is hectic. The school has the all important inspection right now, so everyone is running around like a headless chicken. To be honest, I would be fine if certain things were done the way it was supposed to be done the first time round, but no. I can't go into detail on here, but I can't wait till 2.30pm on Thursday.
The second reason is because I am pmsing. Information overshare, more than likely so I shall not delve into anymore details. But yes my mood is everywhere.
The third is probably due to homesickness. Well not really homesickness; Hartlepool hasn't been my home for 4 nd a bit years now. I'm more likely to be peoplesick I guess. Missing a lot of people is more of my thing. Missing my family, friends and my sunshine. My niece has started Year 1 and I am missing out on all of the wonderful things that she is learning. I am missing out on her growing into an awesome little person. 6 years old and she is taking on the world. I am so proud of her.
Speaking of people, one thing that did cheer me up was my ability to spend money (though my spending habits are also keeping me awake at night). This was for a good reason though - Christmas time! Nothing like a holiday pick-me-up. I managed to stop spending money on Lillie- who by the way has been spoiled even more this year, and I also managed to stop spending on Darren. I do get carried away a little to easy, but I love the feeling you get when they open up presents. I have my parent's gift sorted out technically, just My brother and his girlfriend to get then I am done. It does feel rather weird as this year will be the first year I will not be visiting my Grandparents. Quite a somber moment, but it does mean I get to hang around in my pjyamas all day. Sounds terrible but I have to make a joke otherwise I shall end up crying - that is easy to do right now.
There we have it, my brain working on overtime, but there is nothing I can do about it. I do wish that I could stop worrying about every little thing, stop the anxiety from appearing. Unfortunately, that will never change.
Let's hope for a better (slightly less crazy) day tomorrow.
I'm going to try and get some sleep, not likely but who knows.
Otherwordly
Monday, 16 October 2017
Friday, 13 October 2017
That Sunshine
It's me again.
Thought I may give myself a bit of me time and get back to writing. I can't believe how long it has been since I wrote my last post. Anyway, time for another update I think.
So my last one ended with;
Now to find someone to share my sunshine with.
It turns out that I didn't have long to wait for my sunshine; it was right there as I was typing up my last post. Technically, I wouldn't to know about it until a few weeks later, but he arrived just when I least expected it. He has been my sunshine ever since.
How did we meet?
Well that is a funny story, maybe not to anyone else but it is to us. Let me take you back to January 2017. I went home for Christmas as I normally do, and while I was spending time with an ex boyfriend several things had happened. My nana was taken into hospital and spent the entire time of my holiday there, and because I didn't want my last memory of her to be of that in a hospital, I caused an argument between my parents and myself. That isn't really all that surprising, we are not a family that communicates very well. It was during this time that I realised I wanted to move back home. I didn't want to miss out on family moments, the good or the bad. So when January rolled round and I headed back to the UAE, I handed in my resignation. I had made the decision and nothing was changing my mind. I settled all my plans, made financial budgets to help move home and even deleted Tinder. Not that the latter really affected me much, but there was no point.
Yet somehow, when the end of February arrived, I found myself withdrawing my resignation and signing a two-year contract. I booked myself a little holiday to Abu Dhabi and re-installed Tinder. It would be that holiday that would change my life (yes cliche phrase I know, but it's true).
Tinder and all it's Glory
Yes I may have went on a few dates and such, but that is a completely different post altogether, but it was one match that was completely out of character for me that brought this change. The first thing was he was wearing a Kilt. Not that's a terrible reason, in fact it was the opposite, he definitely caught my eye. The second one was his age. Now, normally I tend to go for men older than me (the older the wiser right?), but that wasn't really working out. This person was the same age as my brother, which was slightly out of my comfort zone, because all I could think of was "I could be dating my brother's mate". I swiped right anyway, and there it was, a match. He didn't open up with a cheesey line or something ridiculous just a simple hey. We spent the next week or so just chatting on Tinder. I may have been distracted with something else at the time, so conversation was a bit sparse. Nevertheless, we made plans to meet up one weekend. It was that part which really threw me a loop. He was going back to the UK. So I didn't get my hopes up and just resigned to the fact we would be text buddies that may meet up in the future when I'm home. I was slightly annoyed but there wasn't much I could do about it. Finally the day came and honestly I was scared.
The First Meet
We made plans to meet at a coffee shop in Dubai. I was anxious so I did what I do best - shop, and it helped. Only one thought remained, would he turn up? He did and it was the best coffee date/meet I had ever had. We instantly clicked, and spent 4 hours chatting about absolutely anything and everything. Family and friends, our time in Dubai, of which we found our paths may have crossed a few times without us even knowing. We made each other laugh. I felt at ease and I didn't want the day to end. Unfortunately it did. We parted with a hug and a quick comment about chatting through messages if ever needed someone to talk to. It was a bittersweet moment.
He did message me. In fact we spent the next few weeks messaging back and forth about our days with a cheeky bit of flirting thrown in for good measure but nothing more. It wasn't until I sent a message about a Hen Party that every changed. The flirting grew more and spent every waking moment talking. Skype addresses were exchanged and online dates were set up. Everything seemed to falling into place. There was only one problem - I was still in the UAE.
Skype Dates
Skype became our preferred form of contact, and our friendship started to grow into something else. We weren't quite sure what it was, but it was something. We spent hours talking about absolute nonsense, giggling at each other, doing that cute thing couples do when they first get together, but nothing had been established.
Drunken Messages
April was over and the 1st of May came upon us. So much had happened between us in such a short amount of time that other aspects of our relationship grew. It even spilled over into our nights out. Drunken messages allowed our hearts to be spilled and feelings to be shown with no hesitation. It was very clear our feelings for one another were the same. Even if one person claimed to have no emotions. I looked forward to waking up to drunken messages; they were soppy and cute and made my heart flutter. I even gave him a specific ringtone so I knew it was him messaging (something he took full advantage of). 3rd of May was a big change for us. We had already declared our feelings for one another and decided to explore our relationship further. Nothing was labeled though, we just assumed that was it. We were not seeing anyone else, it was just us two. It was perfect. Many more drunken messages later and we began to count down the days to my return. One prticular drunken message almost killed me. We both happened to be on a night out and drunken messages were sent back and forth. Some were soppy, and some (mainly from me) were incoherent. It was fun until I had to go to work. Waking up to this text with a hangover wasn't fun either. All I remember is waking uo to thinking he wanted to end everything. He want us to stop with this "boyfriend and girlfriend" malarkey. Sounds ominious right?! Again fate intervened and he was still drinking at this point, taking shots if I recall correctly. All I could think was not this, not after what we had been planning with each other. Turns out he wanted us to be official, but being drunk was the dutch courage he needed to ask. What a pair we are.
So thats a brief, sort of, introduction to how we met and how we finally grew to the point where I love has been exchanged so many times. He is my sunshine. He lights up my every day. He knows how to make me laugh, make me smile, comfort me when I need it, ease my insecurities when I'm being stupid and he also knows how to wind me up too. In such a short space of time we have been through a lot. He was my biggest ray of Sunshine when my Nana passed away this Summer. He made me forget about it just for a moment on my birthday, and supported me during her funeral. I wouldn't have made it without him.
We are not perfect, we have our moments, but we make it through. We have grown a lot together and I can't wait to see where this goes. He is my person, my sun, my life. Some days I have a problem with letting go of being so independent, and relying on someone else. Other days I realise none of that is true, I am building a life that I have always wanted, creating a lifetime of memories to make. I have never been this happier in my entire life. Even other people are noticing. My depression and anxiety are at its lowest and I know its because of him. He makes me feel as though I can conquer the world. Sure being in a different country has its problems, but I know I can make it through this contract before I can finally be with him.
Right now he is in a timezone further away than normal and it's only been two days but I miss him even more than I normally do. Our conversations are sparse, but it's made me realise how much I take him for granted. I appreciate every little message he sends. Even if it is a quick good morning/goodnight. I'm lucky that I can be in a position to get that. I know he's safe and well. Nine weeks can't come quick enough. I need to feel the sun in my face.
I love my Sunshine.
Thought I may give myself a bit of me time and get back to writing. I can't believe how long it has been since I wrote my last post. Anyway, time for another update I think.
So my last one ended with;
Now to find someone to share my sunshine with.
It turns out that I didn't have long to wait for my sunshine; it was right there as I was typing up my last post. Technically, I wouldn't to know about it until a few weeks later, but he arrived just when I least expected it. He has been my sunshine ever since.
How did we meet?
Well that is a funny story, maybe not to anyone else but it is to us. Let me take you back to January 2017. I went home for Christmas as I normally do, and while I was spending time with an ex boyfriend several things had happened. My nana was taken into hospital and spent the entire time of my holiday there, and because I didn't want my last memory of her to be of that in a hospital, I caused an argument between my parents and myself. That isn't really all that surprising, we are not a family that communicates very well. It was during this time that I realised I wanted to move back home. I didn't want to miss out on family moments, the good or the bad. So when January rolled round and I headed back to the UAE, I handed in my resignation. I had made the decision and nothing was changing my mind. I settled all my plans, made financial budgets to help move home and even deleted Tinder. Not that the latter really affected me much, but there was no point.
Yet somehow, when the end of February arrived, I found myself withdrawing my resignation and signing a two-year contract. I booked myself a little holiday to Abu Dhabi and re-installed Tinder. It would be that holiday that would change my life (yes cliche phrase I know, but it's true).
Tinder and all it's Glory
Yes I may have went on a few dates and such, but that is a completely different post altogether, but it was one match that was completely out of character for me that brought this change. The first thing was he was wearing a Kilt. Not that's a terrible reason, in fact it was the opposite, he definitely caught my eye. The second one was his age. Now, normally I tend to go for men older than me (the older the wiser right?), but that wasn't really working out. This person was the same age as my brother, which was slightly out of my comfort zone, because all I could think of was "I could be dating my brother's mate". I swiped right anyway, and there it was, a match. He didn't open up with a cheesey line or something ridiculous just a simple hey. We spent the next week or so just chatting on Tinder. I may have been distracted with something else at the time, so conversation was a bit sparse. Nevertheless, we made plans to meet up one weekend. It was that part which really threw me a loop. He was going back to the UK. So I didn't get my hopes up and just resigned to the fact we would be text buddies that may meet up in the future when I'm home. I was slightly annoyed but there wasn't much I could do about it. Finally the day came and honestly I was scared.
The First Meet
We made plans to meet at a coffee shop in Dubai. I was anxious so I did what I do best - shop, and it helped. Only one thought remained, would he turn up? He did and it was the best coffee date/meet I had ever had. We instantly clicked, and spent 4 hours chatting about absolutely anything and everything. Family and friends, our time in Dubai, of which we found our paths may have crossed a few times without us even knowing. We made each other laugh. I felt at ease and I didn't want the day to end. Unfortunately it did. We parted with a hug and a quick comment about chatting through messages if ever needed someone to talk to. It was a bittersweet moment.
He did message me. In fact we spent the next few weeks messaging back and forth about our days with a cheeky bit of flirting thrown in for good measure but nothing more. It wasn't until I sent a message about a Hen Party that every changed. The flirting grew more and spent every waking moment talking. Skype addresses were exchanged and online dates were set up. Everything seemed to falling into place. There was only one problem - I was still in the UAE.
Skype Dates
Skype became our preferred form of contact, and our friendship started to grow into something else. We weren't quite sure what it was, but it was something. We spent hours talking about absolute nonsense, giggling at each other, doing that cute thing couples do when they first get together, but nothing had been established.
Drunken Messages
April was over and the 1st of May came upon us. So much had happened between us in such a short amount of time that other aspects of our relationship grew. It even spilled over into our nights out. Drunken messages allowed our hearts to be spilled and feelings to be shown with no hesitation. It was very clear our feelings for one another were the same. Even if one person claimed to have no emotions. I looked forward to waking up to drunken messages; they were soppy and cute and made my heart flutter. I even gave him a specific ringtone so I knew it was him messaging (something he took full advantage of). 3rd of May was a big change for us. We had already declared our feelings for one another and decided to explore our relationship further. Nothing was labeled though, we just assumed that was it. We were not seeing anyone else, it was just us two. It was perfect. Many more drunken messages later and we began to count down the days to my return. One prticular drunken message almost killed me. We both happened to be on a night out and drunken messages were sent back and forth. Some were soppy, and some (mainly from me) were incoherent. It was fun until I had to go to work. Waking up to this text with a hangover wasn't fun either. All I remember is waking uo to thinking he wanted to end everything. He want us to stop with this "boyfriend and girlfriend" malarkey. Sounds ominious right?! Again fate intervened and he was still drinking at this point, taking shots if I recall correctly. All I could think was not this, not after what we had been planning with each other. Turns out he wanted us to be official, but being drunk was the dutch courage he needed to ask. What a pair we are.
So thats a brief, sort of, introduction to how we met and how we finally grew to the point where I love has been exchanged so many times. He is my sunshine. He lights up my every day. He knows how to make me laugh, make me smile, comfort me when I need it, ease my insecurities when I'm being stupid and he also knows how to wind me up too. In such a short space of time we have been through a lot. He was my biggest ray of Sunshine when my Nana passed away this Summer. He made me forget about it just for a moment on my birthday, and supported me during her funeral. I wouldn't have made it without him.
We are not perfect, we have our moments, but we make it through. We have grown a lot together and I can't wait to see where this goes. He is my person, my sun, my life. Some days I have a problem with letting go of being so independent, and relying on someone else. Other days I realise none of that is true, I am building a life that I have always wanted, creating a lifetime of memories to make. I have never been this happier in my entire life. Even other people are noticing. My depression and anxiety are at its lowest and I know its because of him. He makes me feel as though I can conquer the world. Sure being in a different country has its problems, but I know I can make it through this contract before I can finally be with him.
Right now he is in a timezone further away than normal and it's only been two days but I miss him even more than I normally do. Our conversations are sparse, but it's made me realise how much I take him for granted. I appreciate every little message he sends. Even if it is a quick good morning/goodnight. I'm lucky that I can be in a position to get that. I know he's safe and well. Nine weeks can't come quick enough. I need to feel the sun in my face.
I love my Sunshine.
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