Song: Bang my Head -Sia
Weight:90kg
90kg it read. I stepped of then back on again, still 90kg. Shock, panic, devastation-it was clear this number wasn't going to change anytime soon. It was the heaviest I had ever been. I cried. I climbed into bed, hid under the duvet and cried. I finally enlisted this was the push I needed - the last straw. I quickly gorged on all the unhealthy things in the kitchen, which ended up in the toilet. Tomorrow would be a new start, a diary of change.
The thing is, it's not like I am unhappy with myself. I'm in the whole 'I don't care zone'. Sure my thighs are big, but they need to accommodate my butt and perfect birthing hips I have unfortunately inherited. Yet not once had the scales read 90kg. I even checked the amount in pounds and stone. No change. So that was Thursday night and two days into my 'be happy' project and I'm feeling exhausted. Perhaps that could be down to by retarded dancing on Friday night; either way I feel like giving in already. But then this thought keeps going through my head - do you want to be 90kg or heavier? Do you want to make your risk of diabetes greater? I certainly don't want that so giving in rally isn't an option. You only get out of it what you put in. Therefore my only solution is to power through it. That's what I need to do- whether I do or not is another problem altogether .
What is my plan? Well, for starters, no more alcohol, fizzy drinks as it's clear my body hates the things anyway. The same goes for gluten filled foods. The reaction my body has to them is such a nightmare, that itself is exhausting. I'm not cutting out chocolate and sugar as I definitely wouldn't survive. As for everything else, healthy and in moderation is the key. It helps since the topic at school is being healthy. Hopefully my students can help me during school time.
So this is my starting point. Blog and instagram each moment to keep me motivated.
I shall soon see if it works.
